Ds not enjoying Cubs - do I speak to leader?

[Squirrelfruitandnutkin]

Ds joined Cubs at Easter. He had been in beavers before that and loved it.

But he's not taken to Cubs at all. He's a fairly quiet soul, not a typical boisterous footballing boy iyswim. I get the impression that the rest of the boys are very loud and very lively (well dh said wild when he helped the other week!).

Ds is feeling left out and feels like he isn't getting a turn of anything.

Do I speak to the leader?

We've tried talking to ds about being more assertive but obviously that's. It easy when you're 8.

*not easy

I would speak to the leader - just ask if his sixer could be reminded to take your DS under his wing for a bit and make sure he is involved.

It's probably an age thing - the difference between the oldest and youngest cubs can be quite significant, so it's understandable that it might be a bit intimidating. As your DS grows and matures though, he will be able to take on more responsibility and start to feel more at home.

He knows a lot of the older ones from school - when they've been in mixed age classes.

I'll ask him about his sixer - see who it is

Ds has been so upset (proper tears after Cubs each week) and initially I thought he was just tired but it's every week. He was very sure he didn't want me to talk to the leader, but I might have to.

Definitely speak to the leader, I'm an Akela, and I'd welcome a parent coming to speak to me if a child was unhappy. If the leaders are aware how he feels, they will hopefully encourage the other children to help your DS join in, take turns etc.

Also, I know that a roomful of cubs can be loud and boisterous. And sometimes it seems that all the children are like this. But it might just be that your DS needs a little time to settle and find the other cubs who are more like him, the leader should be able to help with this.

Was he the only Beaver to come up at Easter? Going from being the oldest at Beavers to the youngest at Cubs can be a bit overwelming.. It may be that if some more Beavers move up after the summer, this may help a bit.

It's was him and one other that went up from beavers together. The other lad is very different to ds (possibly because he has much older siblings?).

We've emailed the leader as it's always bedlam at drop off/ pick up times.

Hi OP, just wondering how things went after you emailed the leader? Has your DS settled yet?

It's still ups and downs. Not sure how leader took email as tone of reply could have gone either way! 😬
They finish for holidays this week so will see how September goes when presumably there will be some younger new starters coming up from beavers.

Yes, hopefully a few will come up to cubs in September, and hopefully that will help.

And it may help to actually have a chat to the leader in person, rather than just an email.

I hope things work out for your DS. But , at the end of the day, it may just be that cubs is not for your son. Good luck to your DS.

the only thing i would add is that it may just not be his thing! my friends ds didnt settle in cubs but went to scouts when he was bigger and loved it

Or it might be that this particular pack isn't his natural 'home' and he might prefer a different pack that is smaller / quieter / organised differently
There is no point in continuing to make him go on and on if he's not enjoying it, but that doesn't mean he might not enjoy cubs at another pack.
My dd1 moved Scout troops after about 6months. She'd been the first girl in her cub pack, and absolutely LOVED cubs, but the Scout Leader was quite a different kettle of fish and she just didn't want to go. She agreed to try another troop and thrived - has finished Scouts and Explorers, had amazing experiences and is now an adult Leader.

No I won't be be making him go if things don't improve in September.

The pack is very different to beavers, cub leader seems fairly strict/ shouty (boys were feral when dh helped) and there's a lot of boys who are much more boisterous/ fit traditional stereotypes than ds.

I dunno. It's a wait and see job. A break over the summer will be good!

In general Cubs are mental. By far the most boisterous age group ime. If he doesn't settle or you cant find a calmer troup, still put his name down for Scouts as they tend not to be so wild (all the time).

They do seem nuts! And I say this after 10 years teaching in some wild areas! 😬

I think they must spray the jerseys with testosterone and whatever makes the girls wild too. My two are now young leaders but avoid helping with the cubs like the plague. One of their mental friends loves it though and helps there out of choice. :o

My DS was fine in beavers, when 2 school friends attended, but didn't do well in cubs (school friends had left) he just didn't fit in with the children. He gave up and tried scouts a couple of years later, but of course it was the same children.
We moved him to a different troop and he is loving it.

DS and DD both loved Cubs under a leader of the old, military style who believed in structure - plenty of well-organised activities, plenty of opportunities to let off steam, but absolute order as soon as silence was called for. They did all kinds of really quite extraordinary and potentially dangerous things, because the leader expected, and got, instant obedience if required .. he just only required it when it was actually needed, if that makes sense!

DS hated Scouts, where the leadership appeared much 'nicer', but as a result the boys ran riot .. and as a further result, nothing interesting was ever attempted or done, because the risk was too great.

The stricter style would be fine if it worked and there was order. But I'm not 100% convinced it is in this case... 😬

Will see what September brings