Dd1 quitting rowing??

[MyUsername138]

Today 20:43 MyUsername138

My dd1 (12) just announced she wants to quit rowing. Should I let her? She rows twice a week but she says it just isn't fun anymore be she feels like she's the worst in her boat. She says it's too much of a commitment as we often how to go out for 8 hours plus for regattas. But I love the rowing community and she seems like she has potential in the sport (very tall, strong etc). Am I being unreasonable? Should I let her quit?

Oh my gosh, I don't know. I just know that I have a similar dilemma. My DD (only child if it is relevant) is 13 yo, county/regional level at a sport. She certainly has potential to go far - her coaches want her to up her commitment as they recognise her potential and can see her at national level. In the past she has said she wants to push herself as far as she can go, yet at the same time gets really nervous before she competes, and often says she wants to quit just before the comp starts. She then goes on to perform really well!

She is getting to that age where she would prefer not to do anything - she has given up loads of hobbies/sports, which feels like a shame, but we don't want to dictate to her how she lives her life. However, she is now saying she wants to stop the sport that she is really good at ('I'll take up something else so I don't get unfit' she says).

Our issue is should we encourage/make her carry on despite getting nervous and saying she wants to stop, because this could all be tied up in performance anxiety about not winning (she is a perfectionist!), or should we let her stop and then have her turn round when she is older saying we should have made her carry on as we knew how much she wanted to succeed!

I wish I knew what to do for the best! You read posts form people saying they wish their parents had let them quit activities, plus posts saying they regret their parents letting them give up!

Sorry for the hijack - it is just quite an issue for DH and I right now! I hope this acts as a bump!

As for what you should do - can you tease out whether she is bored/feeling not so good as the others (could this be improved if she did some extra?)/has had a row with someone else in the boat/dislikes the coach/wants to go further but is scared/doesn't like your involvement in her hobby??

I guess my answer is you need to find out more from your DD about what is really going on . Good luck!

It is a tricky age. Ultimately, I think she has to want to carry on, but I would encourage her to stick at it for a period of time to see if she really has had enough.

DS was younger, but starting puberty, when he wanted to quit a sport. He was adamant, but reasoned that it would give him more time for another sport which he preferred. We carried on for a few weeks, but it was so clear that his heart wasn't in it, so he left.

He did then completely throw himself into his other sport which he still does years later.

What is she suggesting she does with her free time instead?

I used to coach a sport, loved coaching. Would work with anyone regardless of ability or actual potential. I didn't care if they wanted to be the next world champion or just 'not the worst in the club' but I really, really hated working with those poor kids who didn't actually want to be there, who were just going through the motions because their parents thought they had 'potential'

If she wants to stop, let the. It will still be there in a year or two if she decides of her own accord to go back.

That's a heck of a lot of time to be spending doing something you dont want to do, over and above school and homework.
Of course she shouldn't be made to do it if she doesnt want to.
I would, however, ask her what she would like to do instead.

If she wants to stop, I think you will have to let her.

If you love the rowing community, take it up yourself!

You can't make her stick at something so time-consuming that she doesn't like just because it gives you a social life. Get your own life.

12 is still very young for rowing - serious competitive rowing doesn't really kick off till J14 age, so she may benefit from taking time out until she's grown physically and mentally. If she's not enjoying it now, then there's no point insisting -if you make a big confrontation at this stage, it will be harder for her to go back later if she changes her mind.

Otoh rowing is a brilliant all-round fitness sport, so I think it's reasonable for you to expect her to come up with a plan for an alternative physical activity that will give her an equivalent workout. Too many teenage girls are really inactive, and if she lets her fitness lapse at this stage, it will be harder for her to get back into sport later on.

Thank you for all your comments, will find out more from dd today and then make a decision

If shes told you, knowing how much YOU like it and are invested in it, shes probably been thinking it for a while.
The lures of teenage 'normal' activity that arent possible due to the commitment of the sport.
At this age it needs to come from her, or if she goes resentfully she wont put the effort in and will resent you too.
I would try to find out if it has just run it's course for her or if she has other issues there such as a coach, or bullying etc. Make her honour any commitment if youve already pre paid, or shes entered into anything already and would let others down.
If she will agree to do another term and see if she still feels the same way then move on in a planned way then - so it's not 'quitting'.
Get her to choose another activity to replace it. (her choice, but non negotiable that there must be 'something')
Thats what i would want to do.

Isn't rowing one of those things that you can get away with not taking up until university and still get good if you have potential?