Piano quitting :(

[lookatmeimsandradee]

DD plays the flute and piano
She has been playing the piano for 4 years and she would have been doing her grade 5 next term.
Her piano teacher thinks she's great and constantly tells me how good her musical memory is and how she could go all the way.
Unfortunately her piano teacher will be moving away so I have been looking for a new one.
However she has just told me she wants to quit playing piano because she doesn't enjoy it.

I'm trying to make sense of it as I feel that someone with a talent for music (the only thing she really shines at) wants to give up
I know it's her life, her choice but I do feel sad.
Anyone been in this position....

She is not throwing anything away.

She can always pick it up again.

Does she know it would really help her in music GCSE's, as if you're grade 4 or 5 you've already practically done a large part of that GCSE?

My son gave up violin at 11, it had been his choice to start, it was his choice to give up. It's a shame, but there you go.

My other son plays violin (only grade 3 so far, at age 14, but he enjoys it and now wants to learn piano too. He is teaching himself via youtube) yet he did not want to do music for GCSE. He preferred other options, and wants the music to be just a hobby with no exams.

But ultimately, his choice.

Your daughter may pick up again one day. What she has learned is not lost, and nothing has been thrown away.

cingo there is so much more to learning music than playing an instrument. My middle dd doesn't learn an instrument (although she has tried piano, violin and voice in the past) but still very much enjoys and gets a lot out of class music lessons at school. If they get into groups to play, she plays percussion or drums (which she loves!). But they also learn a lot of other things - about different types of music and its history and origin, composers, music theory, different types of rhythm etc. They also use Sibelius for composing. She sounds quite knowledgeable when talking about it at home. I am musical myself (piano) and we often have Classic FM on in the car. She can recognise different composers and styles of music.

I think forcing them to continue with something they don't want to do often has the opposite effect i.e. put them off. Sometimes they need or want a break and will return to an instrument later on.

Dancer, I am of course aware that there is more to learning music that playing an instrument. However, learning to be an accomplished musician, to achieve mastery on an instrument (or voice), is a fundamental part of it.

Also, it is completely normal for a child to reach a plateau on an instrument, or to go through a difficult patch, get fed up and temporarily want to quit, particularly in secondary school. They will get through this period, and come out the other side of it.

Insisting on a child continuing with music may put them off. Or it may give them a lesson in the value of persistance.

I know this isn't for everyone, and I don't expect you to agree with me, Dancer, but I wanted to put a different perspective forward to the OP.

OP, if she wants to do GCSE, keyborad skills will really help her.
Two thoughts come to mind: one, it's a difficult age. I wanted to give up art extra-curricular at that age (was very serious class, with professional artist outside school). My mother wouldn't let me, she said I wanted to stop because I was 13 years old. I ended up with a degree in art. Two, apart from difficulty, there may be a repertoire issue. Does hse oike jazz? Or popular music? There are plenty of ways to approach piano and learn.

cingo I don't completely disagree with you, you make some very good points. And you are right about teaching your child to persevere with something they are finding difficult. There is a difference between letting a child stop something at the first moan and giving it a bit longer to see how they feel then. The problem is, if a child is really adamant they don't want to learn any more and has felt like that for a while but the parent is still insisting they continue, they probably won't practice without a battle and learn effectively. If your heart isn't in it, making progress is hard.

drummer you are right about keyboard skills at GCSE but the OP's dd will already have those. Even if she does give up for now, it isn't necessarily for ever; she may want to return to piano or even take up a different instrument. Getting to Grade 5 is a good standard and gives a good base for other instruments.

You may find she wants to give up the flute as well if you push her with the piano. I would definitely let her leave it for a while.

My dh and his 4 brothers were forced to do piano up until they finished school, they absolutely hated it and have never played since.

The piano is quite a solitary instrument. She can play her flute with other people, in orchestras and ensembles and it's much more fun. It gives you a social life too, where piano doesn't.
Have you considered encouraging her to try a new instrument instead of piano? Maybe organ? Or another orchestra instrument.

Do they need keyboard skills for GCSE music, sorry I don't know how it works?

This is so hard as I can see both sides of the argument.

I notice this has occurred when her teacher is leaving. I gave up clarinet and piano around a similar level because my teacher moved away. She was quite honestly unique, I don't think there is another teacher like her. I had carried on as long as I had and worked hard simply because I loved having lessons with her and wanted to do the work for her. I simply had no wish to have lessons with someone else though I did try a few other teachers.

I do think the relationship that can build between a music teacher and pupil can be a very unique thing as it is a rare area a child has genuinely one to one lessons with someone. I wonder if she is struggling with the loss of the teacher more than you realise and this is the reason for giving up the piano but keeping the flute.

look they don't need it as such but it's useful. My dd who plays the flute is doing GCSE Music and she decided to have some piano lessons, she says it helps.

No, you don't need to be able to play an instrument to do GCSE music, as you can use 'voice' as your instrument instead, which is what my dd did. Mind you, she is a dancer with a good understanding of music (particularly classical) which also proved to come in handy.

Naturally it helps if you can play an instrument, but not essential. Whether individual schools can decide that playing an instrument to a particular level is a requirement, I don't know.

I managed to pass a music degree without having a piano lesson in my life!

Basic keyboard skills are useful for GCSE and above but your DD has those if she's grade 5.

If she's not enjoying it, let her quit. She can always play for her own enjoyment and if she's keeping up with the flute that's a good thing.

(Don't necessarily agree that the piano's harder, by the way. I can play grade 6 piano repertoire - self-taught - but can't even play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the flute. Depends on your aptitude.)

dodobookends how did you DD cope with the composing side of the GCSE?
I am reading Alan Rusbridger's "Play it Again". It's wonderful and packed with adults who returned to piano after years as amateurs. But most of them got to the higher grades so they can go back to it and and start practicing, play good pieces. There seems to be a pattern. And most adults who can't play music regret not being able to do so. That's pretty common too.
OP it would be hard to impose it if she doesn't want to...

drummersmum they had software (Sibelius?) and she did fine - she has a thorough understanding of things like rhythm, tempo and different styles of music etc from her dance studies. I think she got a B in the end.

We wanted her to learn an instrument when she was younger and she's got a keyboard, but with the hypermobility in her fingers she found it difficult (the recorder was impossible for her to master for instance).

This is an interesting and hard dilemma OP, and so hard without that crystal ball!

2 things that strike me though in your original post:

Her piano teacher thinks she's great and constantly tells me how good her musical memory is and how she could go all the way

As lovely as this is, could it have placed a lot of pressure on your DD, albeit inadvertently? There are lots of kids out there that do have a natural talent for something, but have no wish to take it all the way

(the only thing she really shines at)

This is so tricky with DC in your DD's age group, but 13 is still early to define what she is good at. There may be other strengths that just have not come to the fore yet. Your DD clearly has talent for music, and whilst there are many unwelcome influences at this age, I don't think forcing her will help long term. I absolutely agree with drummers in trying a completely different tack and suggesting completely alternative music genres to the usual classical approach. Even if it's total popular music only (that you hate)! if it keeps her ticking over until she finds the love again, then great.

Ultimately, she has reached a competent level. Not to become a concert pianist but has all the platform basics. And may wise up further into her GCSE music syllabus and want to return to piano in a properly. Though even writing that sounds wrong, as 'properly' is so subjective and restrictive (and really parent centric!). Y10 is a big jump from Y8/9 in maturity terms. Her choice and decision then, resulting in hopefully, a more productive relationship with her instrument/new teacher - and she's in control of her choice.

You dont have to "push" her, still send her to the lesson but focus on easy and fun pieces, and do not worry about practice for a while. Eventually either yourself or herself will come to the point whether its worth the time, effort and cost. Just take it easy but dont give up immediately yet. Its so easy for drop anytime later but not when she hasnt learnt the very basic(finish G5) as I personally think its such a waste drop too early.

Thank you all for your input.

Although grade 5 is good I don't think she has mastered the skills to play the music properly.
I am going to scout round and try and find a fun teacher who can do different genres of music. Abrsm I find is too classical and she struggled to find enjoyable pieces to play.
Unfortunately we live in a small town so piano teachers are thin on the ground.
I'm wondering if I should email the school and ask if they know of anyone, as i know good teachers often don't advertise and it's all word of mouth

Ask the music department at school! They are bound to know lots of music teachers

The problem with learning towards the music exams is the focus (particularly in the later grades) is such that it can suck the life and joy out of playing. Playing music well needs a certain amount of enjoyment I love playing my flute and my husband the piano just be cause we can. We both ended on grade 5 and can certainly play well enough to play the music properly for enjoyment for example we can play Christmas carols and people sing.

She needs to reconnect with it otherwise she is not going to be able to shine on it

Let her give it up if she's really not enjoying it. She can always pick it up again later. It does happen, my DS gave up at about 14, and picked it up again when he went to uni. He plays a lot now, and loves it.
Or do what MrSlant suggested.

If she is ok to continue the flute and really doesn't want to do piano atm then I'd leave it for now. I quit piano at about 11 despite my parents' protestations (carried on with violin tho) and decided completely of my own volition that I wanted to try again at 16. Passed grade 8 within 2 years.
She needs to want to do it herself.

Flute though is a good instrument as she can play in bands and (maybe) orchestras, farm more sociable than playing the piano which while important to develop musicality, can be very antisocial

She will have more than enough keyboard skills for gcse music, not that it's essential. She will probably need to do a practical, but she can do that on flute no problem

I'd let her give up. DS1 gave up piano as an early teen, can't quite remember when but around 13/14. He just scraped Grade 5, literally, he was on the bottom mark, because he had lost interest and was stopping after the exam.

On the other hand he kept playing his brass instruments (much better results at Grade 5), achieved Merit at Grade 8 on both, and had great fun playing in lots of groups along the way.

He has just gone to uni and is having great fun there, having joined bands straightaway.

For what its worth, he also got A* in GCSE music.

OP, I had piano lessons from the age of 4, did exams, music festivals, the lot. It gave me a lifelong grasp of musical principles, theory, etc, but I very quickly came to loathe it and it's made me permanently allergic to those kind of instant-judgment exam/competition situations.

However, I also started cello at 8 through my own choice, and loved playing in youth orchestras, etc. I refused to take any more exams after grade 6. It was a totally different, wonderful experience of music that has stayed with me my whole life.

I advise you to let your DD make her own decision for now. Hopefully, continuing with the flute will fuel her love for music. She may or may not return to piano, but regardless, she's already got a brilliant foundation in music that will serve her in good stead.

Reading previous posts, my experience seems to be a very common one!