Is there a point in continuing with music lessons if your child doesn't not practice

[Luna9]

Hi

My 9 years old DD had been doing clarinet lessons for nearly 2 years at school, half an hour per week; she doesn't practice much. I am continuing revaluating things and yesterday I told her that I wasn't sure if there was any point in continuing with the classes if she doesn't practice; she then said that maybe she will stop them as it does get boring after awhile; she doesn't get the opportunity to do ensembles while kids who do violin do get to practice in weekly ensembles.

I am unsure or whether to let her quit or maybe persuade her to try a different instrument. We pay for the lessons which is not a problem but is this a waste of money if she doesn't practice?. I don't want her to be a professional musician but rather enjoy music and maybe take it as a hobby later on.

I disagree with Crazy also.

I hear very often that a child needs to find the motivation to practice by himself otherwise it means he is not interested enough. That isn't true, at least not on my Dd's case (or her best friend's case, or her school friend), the truth is that they love to play the instrument, they love the lessons, they want to progress and be good at it and they want all this to happen while they play on their iPad or watch tv, or do anything more interesting than playing scales or a bar on repeat.

Not all DCs understand 100% why they need to play a bar on repeat until they achieve something in particular.

DD (8) started piano at 6, we made it into a routine within the first few months and now I just need to shout "piano timeeee" from wherever I am and she goes and practises. She progresses faster when I sit next to her to remind her what her teacher asked. She never resist practice nor is she ever asking to skip practice.

Cingolimama "It's not motivation that makes progress, it's practice."

I have to disagree with you there, too.^^ If you have a thoroughly unenthusiastic child who you're making practice every day, you may see a little progress, yes, but it is likely to be without any polish or any real skill. Only someone who truly loves what they are doing and wants to improve will progress well, and this is as true for children as it for adults. And why, just because they are children, shouldn't they understand the need to practice scales and such? They know they have to practice their times tables/catching balls/plenty of other examples. Why should music be any different?

Perhaps a few gentle reminders when they are younger and/or starting on a new instrument, but after that I'd leave them be. Their musical journey is up to them just as much as their academic results are.

That's just flat out wrong, for a complex skill like playing a musical instrument, at least for classical musicians. The vast majority of children who reach high standards of classical musicianship at a young age will have a parent behind them. Not necessarily to push, but certainly to direct practice, give reminders etc.

Enthusiastic self-motivated musicians exist, but few of them discover their calling as 7 year olds - and discovering it as a teenager or young adult may be too late, at least on the more difficult instruments like violin and piano.

I think my daughter is a good example of a keen, self-motivated musician. She plays guitar every day, often for hours. But "playing" is not "practice", and although she's an extremely competent guitarist, lack of structured practice limits her in some areas.

We'll have to agree to disagree, I think! I'm a bit of a hands-off parent, TBH, and so far, it's worked for me. I didn't want to be the kind of parent I'd seen before that pushed their kids relentlessly, and as soon as the kids left home, they gave up the instrument or whatever skill the parent was making them learn. I wanted my kids' learning to come from within as much as possible.

My daughter chose to learn violin from very young. I never bugged her about practice - that was her business and she knew she was responsible for it. She progressed well but didn't enjoy the instrument as much as she thought she would, so she switched to cello two years ago. She's now studying Grade 8, still does all her own practice, is section leader in two orchestras and plays in two ensembles.

My son was a bit different - though musical, when he took lessons, he became bored really quickly. He's taught himself to play a few fun pieces on the piano at home. He would have hated for me to tell him to practice.

All kids are different I suppose...we have to adjust our parenting style to each one!

The association with times tables practice is perfect. You see my DD would not practice those either without a reminder. A reminder, not a push, I like to believe that I am not a pushy mum. So when I say "homework time" there is no resistance, same with "practice time". I am her PA really keeping her diary

I think there is a confusion between supporting your child while learning an instrument and being pushy. When DD started I explained that you can't learn to play piano without practice (well, you can but it will take much longer), I made space in her routine for practice and started treating learning the instrument with the same importance as learning maths skills for example. So no, she doesn't skip practice just as she doesn't skip practising her times tables or doing her homework. There are no tears or pushing or arguments because that is how she perceives music also.

The vast majority of young musicians need some encouragement/ direction/ feedback - just because one child didn't, doesn't prove anything. I suspect your daughter wouldn't have a string section to lead if other parents weren't more hands on!

Some individuals develop persistence from an early age, so they are able to cope with the (very) delayed gratification involved in music practice. Others take a long time to learn this and need more external motivation in the early stages.

I agree with you that music is definitely an area where you find some pushy parents living their own dreams vicariously through their children. But that doesn't mean there isn't a middle way, especially for younger musicians - what Fleur describes above seems very reasonable for an 8 year old (needs reminding, and some direction in order to practice effectively).

(I'm "hands-off" too - my role in this is to pay for lessons and buy instruments and recording kit - but there's no denying that DD would be a technically more advanced musician with a more hands-on parent).

Most important is setting a routine. DS practice piano happily as its his routine but his second instrument which was his choice was not that regular as he didn't want to do one instrument after another and we never had enough time for both of them with some gap because of other extracurricular but now after 7-8 months of self motivation to practice guitar on his own, things are slowly becoming painful as it was not his routine and I never asked him to play routinely. I am not sure if it is because it is becoming difficult or just a lack of routine which I didn't set.

Not much point changing to another instrument as she probably wouldn't practise it either.

My son gave up piano lessons as he was forced to play classical music but continued on his own, playing stuff he heard on YouTube. He's now very good - much better than I think he would have been if I'd made him continue with the dreary lessons.

Wish I'd given up sooner with my dd tbh. Tho she can read music which is useful.

She's now at secondary and being made to learn an instrument - just got a detention for lack of practice.

My DS(8) was going to give up at christmas as he got some music and it was hard... ( guitar if relevant)

I told him he had to practise..Pushed him to practise and his skills really came on.. He has missed about a months worth of lessons for various reasons and feels like I am back to nagging him again. I am letting him coast till after Easter then psuh him to practise again..Part of my DS problem is he doesn't like the child he is partnered with..

My son gave up piano lessons as he was forced to play classical music but continued on his own, playing stuff he heard on YouTube. He's now very good - much better than I think he would have been if I'd made him continue with the dreary lessons.

This is just basic incompatibility between teacher and student, though. DD started learning piano as a teenager and the first four pieces she studied with her teacher were a piece of film music (the theme from Amelie that every teenager in the world wants to play), something by Bach, Schumann's Traumerie, and a Scott Joplin waltz. Varied and interesting. With her new music teacher she plays mostly romantic music, basically because that's what they both enjoy. She still doesn't always enjoy practising, but she does enjoy playing the pieces.

It's the same here as mentioned above, I don't think I'm pushy, I remind her to practice if she hasn't picked up the clarinet for a day or so, and then I remind her which scales, pieces etc the teacher has asked her to play. I also sit and listen and appreciate the music most of the time because actually I quite enjoy it and I can ask questions about the music etc. Her school music teacher as opposed to her clarinet teachers says it is not "practice makes perfect" but "perfect practice makes perfect".

Mistigri There wasn't much choice of teachers in our small area and all taught largely to ABRSM syllabus. My son took along a few books of his own but these were just ignored.

Ds2 and ds3's teacher is a retired concert pianist. Her true love is classical music which suits ds2 perfectly and they spend half the lesson discussing composers and pieces. However she is also happy for ds3 (who likes Frozen and Disney) to suggest pieces he wants to learn and to bring his own music and ideas to lessons. She is an excellent teacher but gives them a lot to get through each week and expects them to practice every day without fail. If they weren't practicing I doubt she would keep them on.