Question for music teachers and parents - is honesty the best way even if the truth hurts?

[parquetlife]

I am a music teacher and currently teach several students who have reached the limit of their technical and musical ability. They all barely passed their previous exams (ABRSM with less than 105) despite working very hard with lots of encouragement and extra help from me. They are all keen to take the next grades which are grade 4, 5, 6 type levels and their parents all seem to think they are much more talented than the reality.

My question is should I just be honest and tell the parents and students that they should continue to play for enjoyment but they are very unlikely to pass the next grade, no matter how hard they work? I would rather students stopped lessons than continued with lessons under the illusion that they will pass another exam. Some parents are very pushy and don't want to pay for lessons unless they can see exam results rather than their children playing music they enjoy. I don't want to sound too negative as these particular students try so hard to improve but they just don't have a sufficiently musical ear to cope with playing at the next level. Most parents and students work this issue out for themselves but I seem to have a few pupils who are nowhere near the realisation that there will be no more exams.

Please help as I'm starting to worry about next term!

I once took my dd to the local teacher for audition and was told not to waste my time and money on this child. I knew she was telling rubbish but few years later I still feel very angry even though I had every proof of dd's musical ability.
Basically, I would not. Sometimes it may be the the child takes more time to develop some particular skill, sometimes teacher may be mistaking. Could you give them more time to prepare for exam and meantime they may become more mature/more able?
Saying that you have a difficult decision and good luck with watever you decide!

One student has been working towards the next exam for a year and learning pieces that are similar to the ones on the exam syllabus. While there has been some improvement in technique, the pupil can't play with the right level of musicality as there isn't enough dynamic control, tone variety, awareness of phrasing, security in rhythmic patterns etc. The parents are aware of the goals that need to be reached but seem oblivious that little improvement has actually been made in the past year.

Another student just doesn't have sufficient technical ability to get through the pieces, despite playing them for two terms and me insisting that other pieces need to be played in the meantime to stop the pieces getting too repetitive. No matter how many different technical exercises and studies we play in the lessons and are practised at home the playing just isn't good enough to pass the grade.

The third student has parents who refer to their child as 'talented' but being completely honest the pupil really isn't gifted. The child enjoys the lessons and works hard but won't pass another exam because the musicality simply isn't there.

I know I sound like a horrible teacher but I care enough about my students and their parents to not want to upset anyone but feeling like I need to be clear about what can be achieved as I'm not a miracle worker!

I don't think you sound as horrible teacher, in a way it is better to have an honest teacher than the teacher you pay a lot of money to only to find out that your child can hardly play twinkle twinkle little star :)
However I was wondering that perhaps you may have too high stanards too? I have couple of friends who are piano teacher and the only thing they are concerned is the attitude towards home practice - they constantly moan about students who don't practice at home, and always praise those who do, regardless of their musical ability.
From what you said it does not sound that students struggle too much, two terms is not that long period, depends on student's age too of course. In spite of the popular believe that one year per grade is an average, I asked some of my dd's teachers and they said that in fact majority of students don't meet this "deadline" :). Also, taking my dd as an example-last year she struggled with rhytm. And then I made up a game and all of a sudden it clicked. It can be that she finally got it, or it may be that I and her teacher couldn't find a way to make her to get it or may be matured enough! I don't know. But I know that it is not the first time she seems not to get smth and then all of a sudden she is there. I think age of the student is important too.

And another thing to consider - parents may get too upset to find out that their dc are not so good.... and then parents ALWAYS discuss their dc's teachers... It may affect your reputation in a negative way, you have to bear this in mind too!

Perhaps you are not the teacher for these children. Depending on how old they are, musicality may kick in. If I were you I would suggest another teacher to their parents, then you get to keep the students that suit your teaching method but not entirely destroy these children's confidence. Perhaps a more 'by ear' method would work for them. There's no failure in not being the right teacher for a particular child.

Personally, I'm surprised that having done the grades their technical ability isn't keeping up. My daughter's teacher doesn't even put his pupils in for exams until they are playing well at least a grade above meaning no endless practice of dull exam pieces and sight-reading that is 'easy'. However, he also auditions the children he takes on and is fairly selective.

The students are all teenagers and wanting to take grades 4, 5 or 6 when having a bit more natural ability as well as working hard becomes more important (I'm deliberately vague about further details to remain anonymous!).

I'm being completely realistic by saying that my standards are not too high compared to other teachers I know, as I've been teaching for a long time and know when students are truly musical or not. In the past, I've found that most parents and students have been more aware when a limit in musical ability has been reached which often happens around the middle grades. I'm not a teacher who will only enter students who get merits or distinctions - I'm happy if students just pass!

I would not want a teacher with such a fixed mindset teaching my child. Suzuki believes that talent is grown rather than innate and I believe he is right. A student who works hard and has good teaching should be capable of getting to grade 4 or 5. Grade 4/5 is hardly conservatoire standard.

Rather than suggesting your student has no talent, I would find out if they know how to practice effectively. Are parents involved with practice? Does the child actually practice or do they just go through the motions. I failed grade 3 because I did no practice rather than lack of ability. I lied to my parents and teacher about practice. It was a harsh and much needed lesson failing grade 3.

Maybe the op was capable of passing grades with limited work, but most of us have to sweat to learn grade pieces.

Could you give them an intensive listening programme? It needn't cost anything except your time to devise something relevant to their pieces, use YouTube and invent questions about the pieces that challenge them to articulate what is and isn't effective communication. Some kids need a formula like this rather than instinctively knowing how to manipulate the sound.

Why do they want to learn?

My youngest struggles with the violin. He's not hugely musical (so the violin not a great choice!) but he works harder it & it's helping his concentration & giving him an understanding of music and is helping his listening (which he needs help with) . I couldn't give a stuff whether he ever takes an exam again tbh. I suspect he would give up by grade 5 though. He scrapes passes (actually can prob play at merit standard but always flunks the exam)

My middle son is musical but doesn't practice enough (then flourishes his way through an exam to a distinction).

Not sure which is learning the most in terms of life experiences itkwim. Neither wants to be a performance musician (although ds2 may end up working with music & being able to play piano & maybe guitar to a reasonable standard would be good for him)

So I supppse my point was does it matter? My youngest is no musician & never will be, but still enjoys his lessons & playing.

I think rather than tell the parents that their children are untalented, you should tell them that you think they would be better off with a different teacher, as they are not progressing very well with you.

DD2 was not progressing well with her violin teacher, although she is very musical. (Her singing teacher thinks she is great!) She is not a bad teacher - she has many successful students - but her teaching method did not work with my DD.

I moved her to another teacher, and she has come on in leaps and bounds. (Unfortunately, he has now retired, so we are having to move again.)

Not every teacher is right for every student, and unlike a class teacher, it's a very intimate situation. If the teacher-pupil relationship isn't working, you don't just get to move on to a different teacher, next year.

Really tired, I had to work very hard to pass exams especially at grade 8. I like your suggestion of investigating practise and will spend a lesson asking the students to show me their practice routine as that may help a lot. Although grade 4 or 5 isn't conservatoire standard,the students who have been playing a long time and struggling to reach this standard by their mid-teens are not the most talented. Without sounding mean, the jump from grade 5 to 6 is simply beyond many pupils.

Drummer, I already use YouTube and recordings of players during my lessons in the hope that it will help.

Saintly, I suspect the main part of my problem is that the parents of these students only measure progress by exam results rather than enjoyment of playing the instrument.

Overall, I think I will suggest moving to another teacher to all these parents as they have learned with me for a long time and probably need a change. It's easier to do that than suggest that there probably won't be any more exams in the foreseeable future!

I thought music was about pleasure.

Maybe I am missing the point.

Parquetlife - dh is a musician and a music teacher. He would totally understand your point that a lot of parents pay for the exam results and if they don't happen quickly enough, they get irritated. Dh had a pupil, who was capable of passing exams in time, but not at the speed her mother desired. All the blame was on dh, despite music head also telling the mother that her daughter was not ready. In the end she sacked dh - he was so happy...the girl was sweet, but dealing with the mother was very stressful.

I would tell the parents it is going to take a lot of time and hard work for their dc to pass the next exam, not that they are incapable of doing so. Having said that dh thinks people have limits to their musical abilities. He teaches brass and he had a pupil who made it through grade 7. She was very bright and practised well, but dh, the girl and her mum decided that grade 8 was a step too far.

Personally I'd rather have an honest teacher, than one who praises up all the time.

I like it when dd1's piano teacher comes out and asks if she is practicing because she hasn't made much progress that week. It means I can come back to the children and say it is noticable they haven't practiced. Therefore practice makes a difference, so if they want to continue with lessons then they need to practice.
Sometimes the teacher says that and I'll explain she's had public exams/been ill, and sometimes it leads to a discussion on why she's finding it hard.

If they're measuring success by reaching the next exam, and aren't going to do that in the near future, then they aren't going to be enjoying it.

In your situation I think I'd ask how much practice is being done. If it isn't much then say at this level they need to be doing more. Then say there's a bit of a jump to the next exam and it will take longer, more practice, and doing more pieces before they're ready. See how they take that. If they object then it's a different matter than if they say they understand and how can they help.

I think honesty is much better than praising to the skies. But from conversations I've had, I think it is unusual, plus I think parents tend to be impressed very easily. So I've spoken to many more parents that think their dc is a genius due to positive comments than have had their children discouraged by teacher's feedback.

How difficult for you.

As a parent, I'd prefer honesty. It might be a release for those teens if you tell their parents. It sounds a bit like they are being pushed very hard by their parents.

Hi Parquetlife,
I recently have had a very bad experience with a mother who even menaced me when I told her that her child was not able to do 3 years in 1, and that I didn't see such genius in him as she said. The boy was humble but she and his piano teacher had overcommended him giving him huge illusions.

That was my conclusion after checking his musical knowledge, skills and readiness to learn new things.
She got very angry with me when I said the truth about her child, even though I did it with tact.

I don't repent.

On my opinion commending is very important, but commendation MUST always be honest.
I always prevent children from getting a big head, fooling themself and going through a lot of pain later...

It sounds like they don't practice enough. If they are making some improvement they maybe need to spend more time.
10,000 hours of good practice will turn anybody into a virtuoso.