7 year old scared of deep end of pool...

[minionmadness]

My ds 7 (just this week) has been attending swimming lessons since starting school.

After a shaky start due to some co-ordination issues, he's doing ok. He is moving up through the groups in the small training pool. Tonight the instructor took them through to the big pool, started them at the deep end and instructed them to swim to the shallow end. She walked alongside with a long float for reassurance.

I could see ds was worrying and when it was his time to get in, he started off but panicked straight away and was going under and flailing about, he managed to grab the side and get out. He started to cry and refused to go again. With some persuasion from another instructor he managed to go in and complete the length but only with a float.

He was very upset when he came out and said he wasn't going in the deep end again. Any suggestions on how to we might help him get over this hurdle.

DD was also scared until recently. Doesn't have lessons so I was able to just work through it with her. First we always started at shallow end so went only just out of her depth first. I first got her sitting on one of those massive floats and I swam pushing her. So not actually in water just on it. Then got her to sit on it but dangle legs in. Then legs fully in water but chest on float. Then fully in water but holding float while I pushed it. Then swimming right next to float (with me still holding float),etc. so basically just gradual and if she ever got scared we would just go back to previous stage. She is now happy to swim right to deep end provided next to me or wall and to then push herself down to bottom right at deep end. Still not quite happy to go it in middle of pool unless I am there but huge progress.

My advice (as a lifesaver/instructor) is do nothing. Just let him swim where he is comfortable. Let your child overcome their fears in their own time, without pressure and believe me they will if they are allowed to. Some just take a bit longer. I have seen this with many children. My own DS was very nervous at that age about being out of his depth. With a lot of patience and time he is now a very confident, competent swimmer.

Thank you...

Sadly we don't go socially as I have eczema that flairs up quite badly with chlorine so he has never really been in the big pool.

He was also a little embarrassed about being the only boy that needed a float. I don't want to make him worry about going swimming, (which he normally loves) so tried to reassure him to take his time and to continue with the float until he feels comfortable to try it without, and not to worry about the other children.

Unfortunately the instructor (although good) is not a great people person so gives the impression that she's getting frustrated with the children when they can't/don't do what she telling them too.

TBH my experience with swimming instructors was that they were all like that and it just made me more frightened. I actually feel sick when I think of one of them because she scared me so much. They made me jump into the deep end once (to "get over my fear" which, surprisingly, didn't work since it involved me going RIGHT under the water) but mostly it was the frustration which upset me.

I taught myself to swim when I was 18 (I'm still not very good) and it was only by gradually going out of my depth that I built up confidence. I still panic if I find myself in too deep water unexpectedly.

If they are not school lessons I would seriously consider looking for another instructor.

I don't think all swim instructors are like that obv, just meant to say my experience was similar and it really put me off swimming, I wore arm bands until I was picked on at age 12, then I just stayed in the shallow end forever.

I wouldn't be worrying about rushing it either. Let him overcome his fears in his own time. Perhaps he could sit out that part of the lesson where they go up to the deep end and use as many floats as he wants - just don't make a big thing of it. Most children choose to have a go when they are ready (and peer pressure is a fabulous motivator). He won't learn to swim any quicker just because he can go up the deep end.
If the instructor continues to behave like she is frustated with them, I would 2nd Bettiebotts advice and look for a new class.

I agree with not pressuring him, I didn't get chance to speak with the instructor last night so will see what happens next week and take it from there. He has shown no worries in the small pool and really loves swimming, so don't want this fear to knock his confidence.

It definitely bothered him because he asked me this morning if they would be going in the deep end every week. I assured him I won't let them do anything he's not happy with.

I'm a swimming teacher. If your instructor is showing frustration, she is not a good instructor. Swimming at this level is 10% mechanics and 90% confidence. If this instructor isn't helping your dc build confidence, she is not teaching him effectively. Can you change instructor?

If you can't get in the pool with him, there is little you can do to help him at the moment. Speak to your instructor and ask her how she plans to help your dc. That's what you're paying her for, right?

Thanks butterflies

Sadly she does have form, I had to complained about her a few months back. Ds had just gone into the top group in the small pool where she is. She showed obvious frustration with ds and spoke openly with another instructor about him in a negative way. Ds picked up on this too and asked me what he's done wrong. Since then she has backed off but does little subtle things like making him go last every time. She is quite short with all the group though.

There is nowhere else local so would have to travel 20 miles if we move him. There is a private pool (back of a private residence) but this too doesn't have a swallow end and it's £20 for 30 minutes. I would do this though if needs be.

He does have some coordination issues with front crawl and that's clearly visible, but has a great back stroke, and always works hard in lessons. He is very tall too at 145cm, (he's only just 7) so he struggles with people believing him older and raising their expectations from him.

crap instructor - people like this can put children off sport for decades, and that doesn't help with weight control.

complain to her boss, this is unacceptable and she needs to improve.

I didn't learn to swim until my mid-teens (I'm water confident now although I don't dive or jump in, never a problem), and it was entirely due to dreadful PE teachers.

Poor soul. I don't know what your alternatives are but I hope there is another solution for you both.

Front crawl is the most physically demanding of all the strokes (except butterfly) and it's the one I introduce last (just before butterfly). When you are physically tired, your coordination does waver, this is normal. It's as much to do with physical strength as anything else and should improve as he grows and practises. A knock to his confidence can set him back at this stage and this would be a shame as he sounds as if he really enjoys swimming and tries hard. Hope you manage to resolve this.