how do you encourage you child to practice their instrument?

[phr1]

My DD really likes the idea of learning an instrument but when it comes to practice all the enthusiasm disappear. I am not keen on the push strategy, or maybe its a question of how to push, but after a while of paying for lessons you do ask yourself where to draw the line and if persevering it's all it takes?
I am sure lots of parents go through this frustration and I am hoping you can share your experience and any good tips you have on how to encourage your kids practice.
Many thanks

How old?

DS1 has been learning an instrument for 18 months now. He would never practice, I think because he found it frustrating.

Something has clicked with him now (he's 9.5yo) and he won't stop playing the damned thing

I never practised when I was a kid and I now play at a professional level, so I never stressed too much about ds if I'm honest. His teacher also confessed to having never practised as a kid either!

blimmin spell checker thing.

I do know it should be a c!!

I treat it a bit like reading, not too much but it is non negotiable. If I am going to pay for lessons there is not much point if they never pick it up from one week to the next. Both dc like playing and going to orchestra etc, even though sometimes there is conflict about practice.

Bribery for dd1 and nagging for dd2. But usually I just leave them to it as their teacher seems to be much more on the ball than the one they had last year and she's better at motivating them to practice than I am.

My DS practises as soon as he comes in from school.. It is part of his routine. He might only do 2-3 minutes a night.

I also told him if he couldn't self motivate I would no longer pay as he couldn't learn an instrument once a week in a half hour lesson..

This is far better than I had a few months ago. I want him to practise but enjoy it but as he hasn't long started he doesn't have much he can practise

Younger children- have a routine, stick to very short sessions.

Older ones - if they are motivated they should be able to practice unsupervised, and I'm not sure why anyone would pay for lessons if motivation is absent.

When dd was younger I gave her an ultimatum - no practice no lessons - and she did end up dropping her first instrument. It was a good decision though as 6 months later she took up a different instrument which turned out to suit her better and she now plays three instruments (and does play a lot, although not always what you would call "practice").

It is a slog at first as it often hurts and you sound rubbish. I would listen and watch for a couple of mins a night. An audience is nice if you don't comment. Then, as soon as they are allowed get them in a group or orchestra as this is an hour of practice, plus it really spurs you to practice when you know you will be playing in front of your peers each week. And kids do have to be told to do it, reminded, cajoled a bit until they find the joy of playing because it is fun and sounds good.

It would be helpful to know how old your DC is. Not sure what you mean by "the push strategy", but I really feel it's unreasonable to expect a child under 10 to just be motivated and practise by themselves. Sit with them and listen to them. Until they reach a level of competence with their instrument it isn't that much fun, TBH, so you need to nag, cagole, threaten, bribe - whatever it takes. You must be really firm about this if you want an accomplished musician.

In the early years of learning an instrument it's as much (perhaps more) about the parent's commitment, than the pupil's. That may sound tiger motherish, but it's realistic.

Practically, I also think it's easier to do a short(ish) practice every day than to schedule longer ones a few times a week. Then it becomes routine - sort of like brushing teeth.

yep - mine do 10-15 min a day piano practise or theory work out of habit now - but now DD14 is doing her grade 5 she has become "good enough" to pick up the tunes of her favourite rock/punk tracks and play them incessantly (fall out boy in particular, on never ending loop)

but it does help with getting her to practise if she does her 10 min then goes off on her own tack - sometimes for an hour or so.......

We have a daily regular conversation

Me: practice time
DD: don't want to
Me: no practice, no lessons. Shall I cancel the lessons?
DD: Nooooo

If you don't count the time spent wailing about it, she does 10-15 minutes a day. From next year she will have timetabled daily practice time at school. I can't wait.

It's funny this. I've never really seen the problem with simply telling them that they have to. How come nobody has the slightest issue with assuming that kids have to go to school and never get a choice in the matter, but think there's something terrible about applying the same principle to other aspects of education?

Routine is very important, partly because it contributes to that sense of being taken for granted, rather than being something you have to agonise over and decide whether you want to do it on a case by case basis. (How many kids would choose to go to school every day if that was the case?)

Reward systems can help.

Parents being involved, sitting in lessons or at least hearing practice at home helps a lot. That's how the Suzuki people do it. Younger children are still very dependent on their parents and it's not generally appropriate to just expect them to sit alone in a room with their instrument and know what to do.

Fast totally agree.

I agree that under 10's tend not to be self motivated to practise religiously but here I have managed to carve out 30mins before school (after breakfast) so it's done for the day. Everyone in the house is happy with this arrangement. We are deliberately early risers here and I would prefer a leisurely morning with plenty of time to get ready to get out of the house including music practise than a 'shouty mum morning' which would definitely occur if we got up when I actually wanted to! DD plays piano and violin and we manage to get 15mins of both done in the morning. We do one one hour long practise in the week which covers theory too. DD would like a music scholarship to her next school like the 'bigger girls' which I have explained won't happen unless she puts the effort in now. It's her choice really and if she really didn't want to practise I wouldn't make her. However as other posters have said it really isn't fair to ask for lessons and not at least put some effort in. Hope this helps OP.

thank you all for your thoughtful comments. Very interesting indeed. I forgot to mention my DD is 6. She is taking Violin at the moment, an instrument she expressed interest in but then she also want to do piano, saxophone and trumpet.. which is not realistic of course. Because Violin was offered at school we thought it would be a good way to start and see how she respond to lessons and practice. We are only few months in and obviously practice is more challenging. She loves the lessons and her teacher seems to be very happy with her progress. Strange consider the fact we practice very little.
I think building it into the day routine is a fair comment and will definitely help but a bit challenging at the moment with my working hours which are long. She prefer to practice with me and not Dad as I used to play an instrument and can read music. I thought mawbroon's comment was really interesting about never practice and becoming a professional player.. you must be really talented. I am just curious, when did you start and at what age you have started to do more practice?
I also agree with FastLoris and yes, you are right, and there is no issue with telling them they have too but it is not always straightforward with a 6 yr old (and stubborn.. did I mention that?) and if she is not in the mood it is just going to be a mess and she will not get anything out of the practice, even if she does it with my pressure. So I kind of feel like its pointless at the point of tears and frustration on both sides. (I don't cry though.. :))
But maybe that is the start and it will get better if we stick with it. I guess will have to see what happens. But then if this continues, where do you draw the line? After a year? 2?...
keep the comments coming.. really interested to hear more about young players.

I tried all sorts (threatening to cancel lessons as a waste of money, for example), then DH came up with a voucher system. DS (y3) loves more than anything to watch videos of Stampy. He made himself seven vouchers which I keep. Each time he does a proper practice on the piano he wins a voucher which he's allowed to use for 30 mins of Stampy time. He's totally happy with this.
He practises recorder willingly - I think because he's good at it and there's never too much to do, but the piano teacher gives him loads each week and that was proving problematic.

No, I am definitely not super talented! I started lessons when I was 9yo and didn't really enjoy them. I had been selected after a pitch test at school and given the chance to play the instrument that happened to be spare at that time. I didn't realise at the time that I could have said no, so started lessons soon after.

The things we learned were uninspiring. Music I had never heard before, scales, studies, traipsing miles on a bus after school to the county orchestra which I hated but had no chance to opt out of. Working towards exams bleugh, none of it was any fun.

But, when I was a teen, I heard some of the music that I play now and was hooked. I have definitely done my 10,000 hours since then but I enjoyed them all! BIG difference.

I don't know if this is any help (I actually posted this on another thread)... -- .... these things worked for mine:

• a list of clear goals (from the teacher) - incorporated into a practice chart (or you can make the chart from the teacher's notes)

for example: play bar 5 3x/day -- (and WHY that bar(s) needs repetition (what is the child meant to accomplish - correct rhythm, notes, dynamics, phrasing etc)

• not too long on one piece - max 3 - 4 weeks. Move on even if the piece is not perfect - otherwise ..boredom sets in - there are loads of pieces at each ability level.. a good teacher knows this and will assign new things. keeping kids on the same piece is punitive

(also - charts are good for learning scales/arpeggios for exams)

• child 'controls' of their practice time - ask him/her - 'how long do you want to practice - 3 min - 7 min?' give him a timer (like the one on your phone) and INSIST that he stops when the time is up. (he will be probably be surprised by how quickly the time goes by and want to do more).

• structured practice time.... (again - use a timer - for example -- .. 5 min on piece A, 7 min on piece B, 4 min on piece C .. & thats 14 min practice already ... nevermind the scales! (another 6 min)

• children (and adults... like me!) have short attention spans .. one rule (that I heard) for kids is amount of practice time = age of child (in minutes) + 2. For your son (age 11) - this means 13 minutes - no more.

lastly - I always sat with my kids ... it let them know that I felt practising was a worthwhile activity .. even just a little bit helped (even though I sometimes fell asleep). I still sit with my kids when they practice (but not all the time) and they are in 6th form college now... each having done quite a few exams...

maybe these things might help? my own dc did grade 5 piano on just 20 min/day .. age 10 ..I say this only to emphasise that it's possible to do very little practice (but highly concentrated) and do well.

I've never played but I can read music so when DD began piano I started learning some of the pieces from her starter book.
She practised like a demon to stay ahead of me and then left me way behind.

Over the following years I've probably done most of what Rainbow recommends - sometimes they hit a wall and need to get back to basics.

mine are getting ready for G5 (DD14) and playing at about G3(DD12 - does not do exams, doesn't want to) and I still sit with them when they practice too.

Hi OP. Okay she's 6 and a violin player (this I know about, having one of those in the house). First of all, as I'm sure you know - violin is really hard. And it will take a while before it's fun. But it's a great instrument, trains the ear like nothing else, and a fantastic base for anything she may wish to take up musically in the future. And it's portable.

IME, if she's taking lessons at school, the expectations tend to be really low, so I would take with a pinch of salt the idea that "her teacher is very happy with her progress".

One thing really leapt out at me in your post. This whole "if she's not in the mood" thing. Really, I think you must knock this on the head. Who cares if she's in the mood? She must (and you must) get used to the idea of practise being routine, a given, a non-negiotable part of the day (just like eating, sleeping and brushing your teeth). Unfortunately what your DD has learned is that if she kicks up a fuss with screeching and tears, then she won't have to practise.

Haha's suggestion of having a clear goal is a good one. A warm up, a scale, and then perhaps focus on one part of the piece, for example. Please know that if you enforce a practise routine now, it gets easier (a lot easier) later.

I really want to encourage you and your DD OP. You've chosen the toughest instrument, but also one of the most satisfying. My daughter is pretty musical, but not exceptionally talented, and through disciplined practise has managed to become an accomplished player. I've also seen the positive knock-on effect of her music on other things. Stick with it - you won't regret it!

We do it as part of daily routine and help them. DS1 is 5 and has been playing piano a year. In the morning everyone gets up and dressed, then he goes straight to the piano for 10mins. We have set up a dressing table near piano so I can do make up and hair whilst listening to him! He has a teacher x2 a week ( because dh and I are rubbish at music tbh!)

Totally agree with cingolimama. Routine, not waiting for the right mood.

A lot of music learning is much more ordinary and prosaic than many people think - like learning spelling and grammar or times tables. Of course basic literacy provides one with the tools with which they might write an earth shattering novel, but that earth shattering experience is not going to be there all the time that you're learning how it works. But kids still go to school every day, whether they're "in the right mood" or not.

Also, once you do take this out of the equation, it's surprising how often the mood changes once you start doing it. I think often because music is thought of as a "creative" subject, people think that if each individual instance of doing it is not preceded by creative choice it's somehow not real or genuine.

But actually, creative engagement often happens after sitting down to do something purely as routine. In fact I sometimes wonder whether that releasing into routine is itself stimulating to creativity. Something to do with letting go of control and anxiety and ego.

I think it's debatable for violin at that age and level what practising will achieve. It's so much about technique and not many 6 year olds will have the attention/ability to recognise if they are doing something differently to how the teacher has told them. Sometimes practising without someone there to pick up on things can actually be detrimental. But I guess this isn't a particularly common view.

DD1 started the recorder at school in whole class lessons when she was in Y2. She loved it, loved that it meant she could play in the church children's band at Christmas and so was highly motivated to practise those pieces. She somehow negotiated joining some older children's recorder lessons and was told by the teacher that to catch up she'd need to practise which she did.

By the end of Y2 she'd taken up the trumpet so had two instruments to practise and we set a 5/7 days per week aim.

Generally, this has worked well for her but she is a pretty independent child and has decent practice notes written by her teachers. I have said that if she chooses to do exams she is making a commitment to practise every day, not always a full-on practice session but at the very least, a couple of scales and one other aspect. She's about to take G4 trumpet and tends to announce, "I'll do trumpet at X o'clock" immediately upon arriving home from school which she's fairly good at sticking to.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill, I completely agree actually. That is why both my children are learning with the Suzuki method, my husband, who plays, attends every lesson. He makes the practice meaningful. Lots of children DO learn like this. If you attend one of their play together days there are hundreds of children playing beautifully.

You know what they say - you only have to practise on the days that you eat