Really shocked by email

[redautumnleaves]

I have name changed for this.

My 4 year old dd started a gymnastics class this weekend. She absolutely loved it and told me she can't wait to go back next weekend.
As it was the first class parents were allowed to watch. So I sat at the side and watched her for the entire hour. She was very well behaved, as she almost always is and listened attentively and followed instructions given to her by the teachers.

All good.

This evening I open my emails and I have an email from the teacher in charge of the classes telling me that my dd was disruptive during the class and that if I want her to continue I will have to provide a child minder to "ably handle your daughter throughout the class" otherwise she will not be allowed to continue. She also wrote that although she is registered as having "no special needs" she thinks she does need extra assistance in the class in order to not disrupt the class or other children and not to be a danger to herself.

I was so shaken up when I read this.

I wrote back and asked if she is sure she has the correct child as my dd has never been described by anyone as disruptive and was certainly not disruptive during the class.

About 30 mins later I was cc'd into an email (probably erroneously) between the teacher in charge and I presume another instructor saying that there had been another * (name) in a later class and was this the girl who was disruptive?
So far I have had no further emails from the teacher in charge.

I am shocked by this on so many levels -
I knew it was not my dd who was the subject of the email but it was horrible to receive.
But even if it was, the tone of the email is extremely harsh and I feel very sorry for the parent who is going to get the email about their dd tomorrow.
I would have thought that a face to face conversation, or at the very least a phone call would have been a more appropriate way to handle this sensitive situation.

Looking for opinions how to handle this - I am not sure I want my dd to continue in this class but it would break my dd's heart not to continue.

Hmm. Sounds like it was v badly handled. Is the person who emailed you the one who takes the class?

It might be that her inter-personal skills are a bit lacking, but she's fine when teaching. If your Dd enjoyed the class, I'd let her continue and keep an eye on her.

Bloody hell that's awful!

I would wait and see what reply you get before you do anything.

Did she seem a good teacher when you were observing? What was she like with the children?

I would probably expect an apology but then I would forget about it.

They made a mistake by contacting you which is not good but it happened. There were two new starters on that day with the same name.

You have no idea what happened in that other class. It might have been hell on earth. Both my dd's do gymnastics and have done for years. It's very disciplined as you can really hurt yourself if you don't do the right thing.

You do see new children starting who have no idea how to behave and wander over the floor space and get trampled by a fully grown man doing a tumble or run over to the beam and give it a shake dislodging a gymnast!

Maybe they tried to contact the other family by phone you don't know what the circumstances are there.

Think I would raise how badly this was handled. Some people have no adult/ child sensor or are so committed to something they can't see the softer side.

A short word face to face would be my approach in raising this.

Good luck.

P.s sorry you had up receive such a crappy email about your lovely daughter, still horrid even if it is a mix up.

Thanks for your replies.
Yes, it had been very badly handled.
Savoy - it is a good point that I don't know what happened in the later class or any other circumstances.
I will wait to see if I am contacted tomorrow with a direct explanation and maybe apology.

Cold - yes - I think that there is a lack of sensitivity in the email. I only quoted from it but the whole email is quite harsh.... bordering on the bullying.
I am a HCP working in the area of children and families and this approach goes against everything I believe in which is why I think it has bothered me so much.
Good to discuss it here though as otherwise I don't think I would have slept tonight.

I have received, both by voice message and email, a full and sincere apology and confirmation that the email was a mistake and they meant a girl with the same name as my dd who was in a later class. Apparently, allegedly, this child hit and bit the instructors.
I hope the matter is dealt with sensitively and compassionately.
Thanks for your support last night.

If you read the email again now, knowing the kind of behaviour the other child was displaying, how do you feel about the email?

I still feel the original email was unnecessarily aggressive in it's tone. A tweek here and there would have convayed the same message without it feeling like receiving a punch in the stomach. Matters like these are tricky and delicate....
I will keep my dd in the class as she really loved it. I accept the apology and know that mistakes happen to the best of us!

We don't know that the other child is a new joiner. It may be that her parents have had many more gentle warnings about her behaviour and this is the Last Chance.

'I still feel the original email was unnecessarily aggressive in it's tone'

WHAT????!!!

The kid bit the poor coach!! 14 yr olds can help with coaching! Would you want your youngster being hit and bitten?

Flicktuck, so meeting Aggression with aggression is right is it? The OP said that a few tweaks could have got the message over!

All your teaching the hypothetical 14 year old is that it's ok to be rude and aggressive.

"ably handle your daughter throughout the class" otherwise she will not be allowed to continue. This evening I open my emails and I have an email from the teacher in charge of the classes telling me that my dd was disruptive during the class and that if I want her to continue I will have to provide a child minder to "ably handle your daughter throughout the class" otherwise she will not be allowed to continue. She also wrote that although she is registered as having "no special needs" she thinks she does need extra assistance in the class in order to not disrupt the class or other children and not to be a danger to herself.

Could very easily have become we would appricate your assistance in class as your daughter is more likely to respond to a known person. Or we will have to consider wether we allow her to Continue. As we feel she does need extra support and we are unable to ensure hers or others safety without it.

Same message not as aggressive without making the mother feel guilty and like a crap mother.

That however is the problem with written communication. Theres no tone of voice or body language to take meaning from and can be interpreted in different ways. You may feel that this message is blunt the Op clearly thought it was aggressive!

Ah didn't read the date ignore me!