Is this too much?

[MaisyMoo123]

Ok, so I'm worried 8 yr old dd is doing too much. She's very keen and tends to say yes to everything and preserve with it too which is great, but I'm a bit concerned that she is going to burn out! She does a lot more than her friends too. At the moment she does brownies, swimming, choir and ballet - that's not including after school clubs. She is working towards her grade 1 ballet exam now too which involves an extra lesson every week between now and march. I'm feeling overwhelmed about the logistics of it all too which doesn't help. Am I worrying over nothing, should I just be pleased that she's so keen and willing to stick at things or should I be encouraging her to be more selective. I'd really welcome opinions.

Schilke - I agree about the travelling factor. I wouldn't do as much if it wasn't all local. We're home within 5 mins of all her activities finishing.

I also think you're right about the schedule depending on the child. Dd just loves it, looks forward to all her activities and just totally laps it all up. I'm not sure ds will be quite so keen but we shall see.

I know some parents actively discourage and say no to activities based on tiredness/cost/logistics. I sometimes worry that we look like pushy parents as we just say yes to it all. We're really not - just want to encourage her and give her lots of different opportunities - it's as simple as that!

DS2 at nine had a schedule like this:

Mon: Chess Club, Swimming
Tues: Cathedral Choir (4.00 - 7.00)
Wed: Gym Club before school, School Orchestra, Singing Lesson, Cubs
Thursday: Woodwind Ensemble before school, School Choir, Junior Concert Band
Friday: Cathedral Choir (4.00 - 7.00)
Saturday: Piano Lesson and Taekwondo
Sunday: Alternate Sundays at Cathedral (9.00 to 4.00)

He also learns trombone in school, and so has to practice three instruments (no lessons on third but plays it in an ensemble).

Some groups have changed but essentially 2 years on he is doing the same. We dropped the swimming eventually to give him a little bit of space.

But, he loves what he does. And they have to learn to be organised to fit everything in.

Next day homework is the main problem in busy schedules. Although my DC get plenty of homework, none of their schools have a policy of next day homework.

I agree it depends on the travelling factor, also siblings, the more DCs you have the more expensive/complicated it all gets. Everything we do is within 10 mins of home, so travel isn't an issue, but on nights when the two DCs do different things it can be a struggle fitting in an evening meal. It would be easier if they did any activity together but they don't. There's no next day homework at our school either (not so far anyway, and DS is in Y5).

DS lets me know if he wants to give something up, either by directly saying so or by moaning about going and playing up. DD has never given anything up unless I have said that she can't start something new unless she stops something else.

I know what you mean about it being tricky to fit in a meal some evenings. We only have one like that at the moment but that's one of the main reasons I started questioning whether it might all be a bit crazy! They do have hot meals at though wig takes the pressure off a bit - and I know she's not going to go hungry as she never stops eating!!

I can also see us having to go down the 'you have to give something up if you want to take on something new' route. I think that's very sensible when you reach a certain threshold! Plus it encourages them to weigh up what's most important to them rather than just saying yes to everything - which I'm sure dd would do given half a chance.

pirate panda what would fall into the something fun but exercises their brain category?

ds in year 3.
mon choir.
Tues dance.
Wed childminders then in summer bike club.
Thurs was swimming, this term free tho, will be cubs in summer.
Fri will be cricket in summer ,prob swimming in winter.
Sat bike club in winter ,races in summer some weeks.
Sunday sometimes a race day sometimes free.

he would like to do more sports and clubs but doesn't really have the time. we live in the sticks, so only choir and dance are in walking distance. bike club is a 40 min drive each way. race's I'm willing to drive about an hour each way for.

dd is in year 3 and has

Mon. brownies
Tues. gym 3 hrs
wed. gym 3 hrs
Thurs free
Fri. gym 3 hrs
sat. gym all day

sounds a lot but she is in squad so needs to train. she is thriving on it and tends to do homework in the car to and from training.

at times I wonder if it's too much but she has just had 2 weeks off for Christmas and she has been climbing the walls and using every piece of furniture as equipment in the house

not sure how she will cope as she gets older and homework gets more intense - we'll criss that bridge when we get to it I guess

Wow that's a lot of gym. My daughter's younger but starting the development squad,so twice a week. I'm really worried they might want her to do more as she gets older. I don't think I want her to do as much as that but everyone says you get hooked with 'just one more session until you suddenly realise how much they'rw doing!

Wow! That is a lot of gym!! I feel a bit silly for worrying how much dd is doing after reading the hectic schedules of others! I admire you for keeping up with it all. I find our modest schedule manic enough at times!!

Depends on the child as to whether that's too much.
Dd1 and dd2 both liked to do things. So they at age 8yo did (roughly)
ballet (x2 also working towards exams: 45 minutes each)
Tap and Jazz (1hr)
Brownies (1.5 hr)
Choir (1hr)
Singing lesson (20 mins)
Instrument lessons (1/2 hour)
Plus autumn term rehearsals for panto (2-4 hours) cumulating in the performance part way through the spring term.
Plus dd2 did gym (1hr)
DD1 also did running club after school in winter, cricket in summer. (45 minutes)

Ds doesn't enjoy clubs so much. He does about half that at present (age 6) and I don't think he will want to increase it, he may well cut back.
He does: Beavers, (1.25 hours)
Tap and Jazz (1hr)
Gym (1hr)
Autumn term rehearsals for panto. (2-4 hours)
Rugby after school. (45 minutes)

My dn (older than ds) do very little because they get too tired after school. They don't do more than 1 club.

I think some of these hectic schedules are quite atypical of "normal" though. Of course high level athletes and those planning stage/dance careers will do a lot more (and those posting are a few select people on mumsnet remember!).

You're right pickle! I definitely wouldn't want dd (or ds when he gets there) to do anymore than she is at the moment. I really feel we're at maximum levels - both for her and me and us as a family. I don't know how people manage more. It's an individual thing though and everyone will have their own threshold! The other thing I'm really keen to encourage is a variety of interests rather than doing all one thing, though appreciate that's tricky when they show a real talent for one thing. Dh was heavily into football at school and often says he missed out on so many other things because he was only focused on that. It's so difficult!

That's the thing though - ds is good at pretty much any sport he tries and the activity leaders always want him to do more because he shows promise. I'd like him to do something musical too but he's just not interested. I think I will let him do beavers too as it will be something different to sport - though I don't know where we'll fit it in!
But he wouldn't want to drop any of his sports either.

I know what you mean Cat - It's hard when activity leaders tell you your child shows promise. It makes me feel more pressure to keep them going with it - but hard when it's for everything they try. Sometimes I wonder if they just say it to keep you paying though!!

How ironic! Dd's ballet teacher has now suggested she auditions for the royal ballet junior associates!? Obviously no guarantees she'd get in as it must be viciously competitive but whatever, that probably would tip the balance on how much she's doing! Anyone got any experience of it - guess we'd better do some research before I say no!

JA's (royal ballet associates) is good for some children, not for others. I know several ja's, but did not audition dd1 as I feel it would not have suited her and would probably have bored her to tears.

Having said that, I do intend to audition DS1 when he is old enough. He likes the repetitive, perfectionist ways that JAs seems to encourage.

Thanks sparkly. I think dd would probably love it - and would be hugely excited by the prospect of auditioning. However I am very wary of it for several reasons - the hugely competitive element, the massive time commitment (we are 1.45 hrs away from London so would entail lots of travelling!) and the cost. Obviously it's unlikely she'd get in anyway, but I worry about her time too - she's only just 8 and she loves playing and being a kid. I wouldn't want her to miss out on that because she's stuck on a train all weekend.

Wow that's a lot of travel every week for a kid... is there anything nearer? Or is it one of those "good opportunities" things? (I don't know much about ballet, my current "fear" is gymnastics!)

RBS JA's is about as elite as it can get for an 8 year old.

It does sound like an amazing opportunity - even just the audition to be honest - incredibly elite though as pictures says - and viciously competitive as a result no doubt, so realistically chances of her getting in would be very slim. I've only started reading up on it today so am pretty ignorant about the whole thing. Dh is very dismissive of it - not practical in his eyes and will probably end up costing a small fortune or more (he may well be right!). I haven't told dd about the prospect yet either.

Is London the nearest class for your dd? It isn't every week though, so I may not be put off by that.

However they do put on a lot of trips to White Lodge (the royal ballet school) and workshops and trips to Covent garden and Sadlers wells. It does get expensive!!!

Tbh, with my dd, I felt she would gain more from a few private lessons, or a summer school, than JAs, but ds will audition. However at JA level, we currently have a class very nearby. MAs, SAs they have to go further afield for.

In my experience the successful ones at JA auditions have a certain look, and body shape. They are looking at potential.

Thanks sparkly. That's helpful. I've been looking at the website and they do classes in Eastleigh too which is nearer than London for us so might be worth exploring. Do you know what body type they are looking for? Dd is very tall, slim and willowy with long limbs but I had always assumed she'd end up being way too tall to be a ballerina. I've also looked at the application form and notice that you have to put parents height in so they obviously consider potential height too. I'm 5"10 and dh is 6" which might go against her?

I haven't spoken to dd about the prospect yet. I'm sure she would be very excited by the idea and I think she would probably lap it up to start with but I'm not sure how she'd cope with the intensity of it longer-term. The website says 32 or 24 classes so it would be have to be quite regular. I'm not sure she is dreaming of being a ballerina above all other things either - she's exploring all sorts of interests at the moment.

I'm really unsure how I feel about it all!

I think it works out at about once a fortnight for our JAs.

I would not be too worried about height, and I can never really tell what the Royal Ballet school are looking for (or at!!) we had two girls in the same year offered second auditions for White Lodge Ballet School who were completely different! One was tiny in frame and the other taller, and quite muscular.

Our dance school currently have 3 JA girls, all of whom are quite skinny girls. It's not just about build though, and they will look at feet, ankles and what they can comfortably do with regards to flexibility and turn out. We had one girl, who after a year of doing JAs, did not make it into the MA program. They said she had particularly short tendons and her body had basically reached its limits. Her mother was devastated! That said she is still dancing, and could quite possibly have a very successful career If she so wishes in the future, possibly in musical theatre or contemporary dance.

Not all JAs go on to be ballerinas. In fact most of them don't I would have thought! I know several ex JA girls who have given up dancing completely as they found other interests and I know several who are now, at 16-20 yrs old at dance colleges. I also know one who has gone on to White Lodge. However, she has ALWAYS been very focused and known what she wanted and even she has struggled with the intensity of the expectations of her at the school.

Could your dd do a "JA for a Day" workshop? I know in the past they have run these workshops for prospective JAs to see if they like the regime, and it may give you more p an idea of how your dd would fit in. It is quite prestigious for some to be a JA. Also, if your feel at the moment she isn't ready for it then she could always audition next year. It's not a ":do it at 8 or miss out" they can audition (or re-audition) for each year of the program. I know children who have been unsuccessful for two or three years and then got into the program in the third year.

Thanks sparkly. Really helpful stuff. Interesting what you say about them inviting completely different shaped girls back for auditions. I guess they're looking for a combination of things. I know what you mean about very few JA students going on to be ballerinas too. Hardly any of them will even make it into RBS proper after all. Guess I just meant that I'm not sure dd loved ballet enough. She enjoys it but openly admits it's not her "favourite" club. I'm thinking you'd need to totally love it to enjoy the JA route.

You're right that it's not now or never too - that takes the pressure off a bit!