Piano- Is it time to give up.

[Viewofthehills]

DD2, age 8 is ready to start learning her grade 2 pieces. However we seem to have reached an impasse. I can make her sit on the piano stool, but i can't make her play and so she isn't progressing much at the moment. I am frustrated because she can finally read the music, identify the rhythm and when she plays something properly it sounds good. She got 128 in her grade 1 so is capable of doing well.

She started playing because she wanted to and I have never been draconian about her practicing. (partly because someone else is usually playing the piano, DD1 is preparing for grade 8 and her Dad plays a lot too).
Do I let her give up? Or has anyone got any good suggestions for anything that might help? Or has anyone had a child who they've managed to get through this stage and who has gone on to enjoy it?

Thanks.

Let her have a go at the clarinet before dropping piano lessons. It's very difficult to get the first sounds out of it, so she might change her mind after all. Wind instruments have the advantage that she could join the school orchestra or band, which is more fun and encouraging.

My DD played the violin for three years in primary school and hated it. She greatly enjoyed playing in the orchestra because she felt part of a privileged club but she really didn't connect to the instrument. In Y6 I was having to drag her to lessons (where her teacher would make her stand all the time for "better sound" - which didn't contribute to the situation, she was exhausted after school), so I accepted that the violin had no future. I told her I would let her stop the lessons provided she kept going with music, any instrument would do. She decided to concentrate on the recorder and is now preparing grade 5 (she is 12) and learning both the descant and treble recorder. This is an easy option but I don't mind, it's still music and there's a lovely baroque repertoire for recorders of all sizes. I can feel she really enjoys it and last summer she decided to join a good choir and also asked to start piano and guitar lessons, which she has always refused to consider before. It's become clear to me that a bit of (gentle) pushing is necessary but I don't regret compromising and following her inclinations and personality.

I think you need to talk to her about why she wants to stop. You say she wants to learn clarinet so it's not that she is disinterested in music or the routine of practicing as she would do this with clarinet. Perhaps she feels inadequate compared to others in your family playing? Or doesn't feel the instrument is natural to her? Or doesn't click with the teacher.

I had piano lessons when I was that age and although I enjoyed playing, I hated the lessons (my teacher would tell me off for having dirty fingernails cos I'd been out climbing trees)! So I quit but new the very basics, then when I went to secondary school I learnt saxophone and flourished as my teacher was fantastic and I adored the instrument. Knowing how to read music (though is in a different key) helped me pick it up quicker, and everything I learnt playing saxophone was more than enough to get me an A at GCSE. I also started playing piano more then, just for fun!

I would give clarinet a chance and easy on the piano but no let her drop it yet... See if she really takes to the clarinet. DN had to give it up because he couldn't blow it, not enough lungs apparently. Also watch out for the "start everything, drop everything" syndrome which I witnessed in my brother. He would start lots of things and as soon as they got challenging - in other words, as soon as they required more than beginner's work - he would say he wanted to try something else. This, combined with the fact that she has siblings playing at such a high level and she may see the road to that discouraging long, it's a risk. Not saying she's not serious about clarinet, just saying watch out for that...
TBH I am personally against bribery except that DS has to do practice before fun/free time, which anyway is a good rule with homework, and later on in life!

I agree with previous posters about trying the clarinet for a while before giving up piano, and see which she prefers. Also bear in mind that clarinet opens up huge possibilities of ensemble playing that will be very motivating down the line. These are much harder to make work with the piano.

I'm interested in the older sister and the father though. In my experience, the most important factor in keeping kids going in music is how much it is integrated into their life, particularly family life. Does her father help with her practice, sit down and play things with her, talk about what she likes and doesn't like, etc? Can he show her how to play a basic bass part to something he plays? Or buy some hand drums and simple percussion instruments and play a beat while each is on the piano. Just generally explore music together - it makes a huge difference.

my son plays piano on and off for the last 8 years (he is 14)
his main interest is in singing (musical theatre preparing for grade 7 but his voice broke so no rush for now)
he began being more interested in playing piano only this year as he decided on music as one of his gcse's
without sitting any exams he is playing pieces grade 3 and I am sure if he wants to he can get to at least grade 5 by the time he is in y 12 (in case he wants to carry on to study some music related degree)

but through tears and experience I learned - I never force him to do it
it always mean he just wasn't practicing and music has to be enjoyable by student if they want to genuinely progress and carry on

it doesn't matter which instrument they play or how well - what counts is that they do it because they want to
he has excellent teacher in his gcse music and that made massive difference in his attitude towards learning piano
they compose and practice together with 2 other boys (he is singing, violin and a keyboard) - they are making music and now he sees relevance of theory and learning to play

he is more than capable to progress faster in piano - but unless he putd his head into it it's not going to happen :)
we both know that very well

my daughter plays percussion instruments (grade 7) and her love/dislike with piano was/is very similar

I played the piano for years as a child, I went off it when I was forced to play only classical music which I had never heard before. I wanted to play fun pieces or stuff I recognised the tune of, most of the pieces I was given were very uninspiring to me as a child. I stopped after grade 3. My parents told the teacher they didn't want me to be made to do exams any longer because I didn't want to and that they just wanted me to play for fun but this seemed beyond her so I stopped. I then went on to play lots of stuff from musicals and jazz music. I was probably in many ways beyond grade 4 but I just had no interest in taking it and a teacher who whilst others said she was a good teacher I personally didn't find any use because she wouldn't accept my parents were paying for lessons for me to ENJOY not to take grades.

Rope in your DH and DS to play duets with her. Ask her teacher to play duets with her in lessons as well. Can be transformational in terms of enjoyment.

Dd1 has piano as her 4th study. She already has grade 8 distinction on her first study, and grade 7 (again, with distinctions) on her 2nd and 3rd studies (doing the grade 8s for them this year). But to get to grade 5 on the piano (necessary for some music courses) has been such a torment - for the whole family not just for her. Since she took and passed grade 5 at the end of last term, we have barely been able to prize her off the piano. Seriously. She is now playing the stuff she wants to do - she's been going through the jazz syllabus books all over Xmas, and she has been playing film and TV music (mainly Michael Giaccino and Bear McCreary stuff) and it actually sounds great. Her teacher was amazed at the 'progress' she'd made over Xmas. In fact, I think it's just the difference between playing what you have to and playing what you want to. She might take another piano exam or two before the Uni/conservatoire application process starts. But equally, she might easily not. Far better for her to enjoy what she is doing, I think.

Have been having this very debate myself. DD is just 9 and working towards grade 4 piano. Getting her to practice is torment and despite supplying her with lots of non grade pieces she isn't bothered. When we ask if she wants to stop she cries and says no, but then her attitude to practice doesn't change.
Should we knock it on the head? I feel like she has a real talent and she will regret stopping in years to come but we all feel a bit miserable about it now!
Her teacher is very good but very, very precise which dd finds difficult. She doesn't want to do fun pieces with teacher as she says teacher will ruin it!

We are in torment land with the piano too. Except DD1 enjoys playing and doesn't mind practising too much, but progress is painfully slow and I would let her give up if it wasn't she enjoyed it.

She got to grade 3 violin so easily and quickly (less than 2 years), but with the piano she has been playing for ages and still no way near grade 2. She has made progress, but considering how much she practises (more than her violin) it is painfully slow.

My DS1 on the other hand is the opposite, really amazing on the piano but slow on the violin. Not all children have similar dispositions for different instruments...however I must say all of mine would rather be on the trampoline/watching TV/playing on the Wii than playing - but if you suggest they give up they cry, so I guess it must be just the norm for most children...

Well I haven't looked at this since December and i was just logging in to feed back. I have let her give up piano for now; you can take a horse to water etc. She has had 3 clarinet lessons and is very excited about it. The clarinet teacher was very enthusiastic too and said she made a great sound. So hopefully this might be her thing.