mums of boys who do ballet

[5kidsnobump]

DS1 has come home and said some of the kids at school have been making fun of him when they found out he did ballet lessons.

He is 6, and has been doing ballet lessons since he was 4 - he wanted to go as his sister went! There are quite a few boys at his ballet school, so he is not the only one doing it!

I have just told him to ignore it, and maybe not mention it again with his school friends, they probably don't understand that boys also do ballet if they don't go. Also pointed out that they don't laugh at girls who play football!

I don't really know if this is the right approach to take. I would be interested to know how other mums approach this problem - I don't want him to be put off by what the kids at school are saying!

He could try looking for dancers who other boys will think are really cool, so people like Ashley Banjo or the Flawless guys, and saying that they have done ballet because it is the basis of all dance. Or he could say how amazingly strong male dancers are because they have to hold women over their heads etc.

Ultimately it is probably just down to personality and where he fits into the classroom. If he can ignore it they will probably get bored but it depends, I think, on his relationship with the footballing boys or the ones who are saying nasty things. Ds2 went through all of primary not really talking about ballet but people knew he did it and because he was universally popular no-one said anything.

If he is going to carry on dancing he will probably have to develop quite a thick skin or become completely confident about who he is so that it just isn't an issue. Ds2 has just started yr 7 at a new school so I was quite interested to see how he would approach this. In fact he was really open about doing ballet from the start, said he didn't care what anyone thinks, and is now the only boy going to lunch time dance at school in his year. (He is also going to rugby which surprised me even more!) No-one has said anything negative and his tutor said he is really popular at parents' evening the other day.

Conversely one of his dancing friends had a really difficult time at primary and was bullied quite badly. His mother said this was because the ring leader was the alpha male in the class and the others just fell in behind him.

Such a shame really when this happens. Quite often it is the parents who say negative things too. I hope it doesn't become an issue and stop your son dancing. Are there children from school at his dance school? Sometimes it can help to dance somewhere out of the immediate area so you can keep the two worlds separate.

Thanks Iris

It's good to hear from other mums whose sons dance. It was actually a girl who was laughing at him for the ballet! I did say to him that the bigger boys who do ballet need to be very strong, so its far from being an exclusively 'girly' pass time! I also pointed out that on 'strictly come dancing' they need lots of boy dancers as every couple needs one, so there are in fact lots of boys/men dancing if you look!

He seemed to take it on board when we were talking about it, and did say that just because you're a boy or girl, doesn't mean you can't do something - he did talk about some boys playing netball at school. So I'm hoping he will just be able to get around this issue with children at school.

This is the first time something like this has come up, and I guess I was probably expecting it at some point! There are a couple of other girls from his school who go his ballet, although they are all fine with it, as they know there are quite a few boys in the dance school! Generally DS1 isn't that bothered by what other people say - so hopefully he can just ignore it for now. Like you say - it's a shame if they are put off by what other people say. DS2 has also just started in the toddler dance class, and he loves it, so we may have to get round this with him as well at some point!

I have two boys who dance, ds1 is 7, and doing his first pantomime this year. He has never been bothered about what others think of his dancing and just gets on with it.

Ds2 on the other hand has had a bit of a roller coaster ride with it! He is six, and started dancing later than all my other children (I have 4! All of whom dance). When he did start he gave up because it wasn't "cool". I think he had some kids at school ribbing him. He stopped for 6 months and then watched our dance school show (ds1 was in several dances) and started again with another boy.

That was in march. Now he has learnt his first festival dance (and performed it at a festival), extended his lessons to include modern, street jazz, tap and song and performance and is looking forward to taking his first grade exam next month.

Our dance school has several boys in it. Some of the older (teenage) boys have brilliant comebacks for insults from boys who don't dance. My favourite one was the "you spend all your spare time playing computer games, I spend mine surrounded by semi dressed girls". Also the strength they gain from it can help with sports, we had one boy who was an amazing dancer and captain of the rugby team!

hahaha - sparklymommy I like the comment about the 'semi dressed girls'. DH keeps telling him that if he had realised he could have had the opportunity to do an activity that involves loads of girls he definately would have been at the front of the queue for ballet! He can obviously relate to being a teenage boy!

They do run a class specifically for boys, although this is on different days to the ones we currently go to ballet, but I might look at this, as I think it may help him if he is involved with more of the boys in his dance school.

sparklymommy do you just end up living at the dance studio with 4 kids dancing? Currently DD1 and DS1 both do ballet, modern & tap and they are doing the annual show, and are about to both start rehearsals for solos for the festival. DS2 does toddler ballet, and some weeks I spend such a long time at ballet, I feel like I live there - thats only with 2 kids and a little bit for DS2! I have 5 kids (hence the name ) and keep thinking if the youngest 2 also end up dancing, I am going to be there all the time

Hi, my ds is 9 and does ballet - and everything else! He's had a few tricky times at school as it's quite an easy thing for kids to throw at him if they want to be nasty, but if it wasn't ballet it would be something else. His friends are all really supportive and so are his teachers which I think is really important. They celebrate his achievements often and make a point of saying how hard he has to work and how strong he must be. One of the older boys at dancing also uses the 'dancing with half-naked girls' line!

Well at least that would be quite straightforward in terms of logistics, 5kids. It's when the others develop entirely different interests that you need to worry!

Keep going, a good friend of mine started off where you are and now has two sons at ballet school, including one at the Royal Ballet School.

My DS does horse riding, which seems to have a similar gender ratio, if he gets teased I will just keep reminding him of how much fun he has.

Good point Iris. At least they will only all have to be at the same place. The oldest 2 DC's also do swimming lessons, and clubs at school, but other than that dancing is our main thing!

Wow wiggly ballet school is very impressive! It's funny how certain types of activities are still dominated by one sex, even in these times of supposed 'equality!' Although it now seems ok for the girls to do football, it still seems a bit taboo the other way round!

Panda its good to hear that other boys manage to get round this. Gives me more hope that DS1 can get through it! It's only been a minor issue so far, and ideally I'd like it to continue that way

Yeah. What the others said.

Yes I do practically live there! I have four, two boys, two girls, all of whom are now well and truly indoctrinated into the religion of dance! Dd1, who is ten, is there every day except Thursday, and on Thursday she has a singing lesson and wants to add in another ballet class!!! She took grade 5 ballet this afternoon. Ds1 and ds2 have classes four days a week and dd2 (4yo) has classes 3 days a week.

I just think I'd rather be there than at home worrying what kind of trouble they are getting into on street corners when they are older!

iris you would think its easy cos they are all at the same place but people fail to realise the classes are all different times!!!