piano meltdown (mine not his) advice needed from musical mums

[racingheart]

Sorry this is long. Need to let of steam and also ask advice.

I am deeply ashamed of myself. I absolutely lost it and growled like a dog at my musical DS today because I was trying to work out a (for me) tricky bit of his Grade 2 piano piece because he and I disagreed over the timing of it. While I was playing it very very slowly to get the counting right, he went over to the electric organ on the other side of the room and bashed out some clashing chords. After a far too long and loud meltdown lecture from me about disrespect and 'I'm only doing this to help you' etc, we made up.

His teacher has suggested he goes up to two lessons a week to prepare for Grade 2 as he's made very slow progress this term. The real reason is that I started a new job working long hours away from home while traiing and haven't been around. His teacher leaves a lot of the working out how to play a piece to homework, and goes over corrections in the lesson, rather than teaching new bars. That means, effectively, I'm the one who has to teach him the pieces. But I'm not musical. I don't even have grade 1 piano.

So..what I'm wondering is: instead of him having 2 lessons a week with his sweet but rather ineffectual teacher, should I get a lesson a week, so I'm up to speed with him and can help him learn more easily. I really enjoy working with him on his pieces and learning how to read music as we go along, but it's all self taught.

Any advice?

And please, please feel free to share your own musical meltdowns with me to make me feel better! :)

dc will have differing ability, interest, ambition, tenacity, will to progress etc so different types and lengths of lesson will be appropriate for different dc to some extent.

I would assume the teacher is teaching this dc to play the new pieces but he is forgetting a lot of what she has said and maybe there are some areas he needs help with generally. As you said, OP with rhythm perhaps. Once that is sorted, he will be able to apply that confidence to new pieces. I am sure he is fine really, we all perform better on some days than others and at different times of the day. Try not to get frustrated with him. I am sure he is still quite young and really I take my hat off to all these little kids who work so hard to learn and practise their instruments. It takes a lot of concentration and self discipline and they all do well if they like the instrument and they manage to stick at it IMO.

As far as counting is concerned, has he been doing any music theory workbooks? Something like that might help him a bit if it is light-handed.

I've just reread the OP and I see that where below I suggested you step back from his practice for a bit and leave him and the teacher to find their happy medium, you have actually stepped back due to time constraints and the resulting lack of progress led the teacher to suggest 2 sessions a week.

Maybe you could tell her you had been helping him a bit previously but can no longer do this which is why he is perhaps progressing more slowly atm and tell her which things you have noticed he has struggled with. THe teacher is probably just a bit confused at the slow-down in progress.

Sorry, I didn't read your OP more carefully.

pianomama, paying for 60 minutes a week must have cost a bomb. What level is your son. How much music practice does he do a day.

I make my son do the same number of hours a week practice that it would take someone on a minimum wage job to pay for the lessons.

My son has a notebook which his teacher writes what he needs to practice. We work to targets. I also think a little bit of practice each day is better than a marathon session.

I feel the parent's role in music is a bit like when your child learns to read.

With ReallyTired on this.

I would change teachers immediately, and yhis one is clearly ineffective if not teaching.
Half an hours lesson is fine. My dd has 30 min on each instrument and practices between 30 min and 1 hour a day, on each, depending on how much time she has. It is their practice however, and parents really should only be slightly involved. I find far more progress is made this way.

sometimes is best to slow down the exam preparation - if dd's not ready - leave it for now

my daughter played piano till she was 8 and we stopped just as she was going to sit grade 2, at the same time she got involved with playing tuned percussion instuments and knowledge of music helped her to progress quite quickly
now she is preparing for grade 6 in her pecrussion instruments and grade 4 piano (she got back to piano last year after over 4 years break) & singing great 7

all are done because she likes it - I don't get involved apart from paying fees & driving her :)

ReallyTired - yes it does cost a bomb .. Really don't want to talk about grades much but he is very advanced at the age of 10. He practices every single day including weekends around 1.5 hours. He does it very effectively now as he has been taught to listen and self-appraise. But from experience I know how importand and hard it is to the parent to get the practice right - little by little you need to give them skills to do it themselves effectively.I am lucky enough now not to interfere , just to listen and enjoy lovely music he plays :) So there is a reward for really tired mums in the end ..

PS Absolutely agree with Zzzen - all children are different and there is no point comparing them in any way. I guess what I meant to say that 30 mins x 2 week could work really well for OP child providing the teacher knows what she is doing.

I'm a music teacher too and absolutely agree - change teacher! I start pupils from year 2 and work on the basis that the parents are not musical - if they are it should be a bonus not a requirement. Playing an instrusment should be about developing a love of music and all children learn at different rates but this teacher sounds as though she's actually holding back the progress rather than helping and encouraging it. No more than 30 minutes a week is needed until grade 6, 7, 8 and even then I know of plenty of students (myself included) who got to grade 8 on 30minutes a week. There are some good music teacher websites so hunt about and if you can get someone on recommendation even better. Expect them to have at least grade 8, if not a diploma or degree. Good luck!

I agree with those who say change teacher.
I had the daft idea that I would learn piano at the same time as my DD. 15 years later she's abroad right now with an orchestra and I still can't play a note!

I was very involved with her musical education but when it all comes down to it a professional is best. A non-musical parents' role is to encourage and to find the suitable teacher.

I also discovered the hard way that private lessons are infinitely better value for money than school-based ones.