music practise

[musicalmum1]

How to get the DC to fit in their 30 mins of daily practise without having a major fight? Should I just let them stop?
I am a musician myself and if I had a penny for every time an adult said to me: I wish I had continued playing the piano or ...insert all other instruments, I would have quite a nest egg by now.
Are you a lapsed musician?

Just to add that my cousin's daughter is a well-known young violinist (not in this country) and she told me that she never had to nag her to practise. In fact she had to stop her from practising too much and to put the violin away and do something else.

This girl also managed to do very well academically.

If you have to nag them so much then it's not worth it. The Mum enjoys singing in local choir but the rest of the family is not musical.

I have similar issues with DD. Both DH & I are musicians so know the importance of practise. Personally I think there is a real difference between real practise and just playing through pieces which many children just don't have the motivation for.

As others have said, many that learn music are very intelligent and very used to coasting at school so the need to practise comes hard. I do think this is much more of a problem than it used to be!

I don't think DD has 'found' her instrument yet (tried violin, piano, singing, recorder so far), but she enjoys playing the recorder & singing so we are happy to support those at the moment regardless of practise time (often only twice a week).

I do believe that routines take a while to get into. I also believe that many music lessons just aren't long enough in school to get to the fun duets etc. Personally, I didn't start practising seriously until I was about 14. Does that mean all those previous lessons were wasted? Of course not, I was still getting a valuable education all be it slower than my potential. I am very glad my parents didn't stop my lessons because I didn't practise!

A combination of routine and choice works for DD - so I will usually ask her before dinner "do you want to do your practice now, or after dinner", and sometimes she'll choose one, and sometimes the other, but she knows that those are the two available slots. She is younger (8) so I am perfectly happy that some days she will do a perfunctory 10 mins, and other days she'll be inspired to go on for longer. We have Saturdays off from music practice.

When dd started out I used to have to encourage her to practise her violin but she was quite young and until she started to play things she could recognise it was a struggle. Although she was quite young I told her that if she did not practise we would not have lessons as it did not make sense. But once she got into it she was fine.

Eventually I realised that she was tired after school and experimented with morning practice although she is far from being a lark.

This has gone well and although it sometimes feels rushed to get in a good 20-25 mins I feel she is freshest and most receptive to the idea of practice in the mornings. I find that I usually have to give her the wrap up signal or we'll always be late for school.

Unless you have some sort of prodigy I do think you do have to put in a bit of nagging to practise.
In the early stages of any instrument it's boring.

A lot of people seem to cave in around Grade 5 - maybe because you have to do the theory exam to get any further with the Associated Board exams and also maybe because you need to put more effort in to get where you need to be.

DD usually practises right after dinner, when I am washing up. She has more energy after eating, and seems to be able to focus better.

Also fwiw, the fact that we have officially designated her time for practice saves alot of discussion/battles.

I agree Katisha about early stages being boring but if they can even play simple recognisable tunes it can make life much better.

Local music centres are good motivators.

what helps with having a routine practice time is they just get on with it. My dd gets up very early to get in all the violin practice she wants. A bit earlier and a bit more practice than I am personally enthused about .... I would say willingly she does 2 hours violin a day, given the time. Willingly being the key word here, zero pressure from me other than that she is supposed to do something first thing, how much and what she decides. Guitar she does a bit in the evenings, maybe half an hour, sometimes the time isn't there though because we get in late, she has a friend to sta the night or we just feel like flaking out and watching a corny dvd.

Morning is good, they are fresh and it is out of the way. With the elder boy already doing two instruments probably at a highish level, how about one in the mroning, one a half hour or so after getting home. Then possibly he might maange bass guitar too. It is a lot to do 3 every day with any kind of concentration and purpose, isn't it? Could he put the piano on the back burner for a half year or so whilst he has a go at bass guitar (since he is keen) and continues with cello and orchestra (doing cello before school) bass as much as he wants after?

also a change of teacher (however good the current ones may be) could = a breath of fresh wind. Put some life back into it. It is not that the new teacher is probably saying anything radically different but the dc might just be listening to it.

The younger one may need some more guidance on how to practise from you since IME (such as it is) this isn't always well explained in the music lesson.

My dd found it very hard indeded when she started Secondary scchool. So much so that she wanted to give up because she hated going to a lesson without having practiced. We talked to her lovely teacher about it,a nd he suggested that for a while she stopped practicing all together. She still went to her lesson, and they just played together - he made it fun, they did some jazz and some improvisation and so on. Then, after about 6 months of this, she was able to pick up the practice again and she hadn't slipped back at all - and was till playing, which is the main thing.

yes I can imagine that when they are at secondary seeker (mine is still at primary school), schoolwork/homework and readjustment to the whole new setting is going to mean that they have much less time and energy for music practice. Dd's violin eacher told me yesterday that one boy in dd's orchestra will be stopping - and giving up violin completely. He is 15 and very good but has no time or finds no time to practise. Has been like that for a couple of years but he was able to coast and yet still progress. Now he has decided he wants to skateboard instead.

I also expect that dd might well choose to give it up when she hits exam age or other interests intervene at secondary. Am also fine with that (I think)

I'm also a music teacher and parent. I actually teach my own kids the piano - I know some shudder at the thought but it seems to work for us.

They're very different though. Older one is not particularly interested and hard to motivate to any serious work. Younger one loves it and happy to do it every spare moment practising.

I actually don't understand why people have such a horror of the idea of "forcing" kids to practise music. We force them to go to school, to do homework, to eat what what we tell them to, to go to bed at a certain time etc. I don't see the difference.

There's a large part of music that is like any other aspect of education: hard graft learning what you need to learn to be able to do it. Because it's a "creative" subject people seem to think this doesn't apply, but it does.

However within this, one can still cooperate with the personality and wants of the child, as with any subject. Eg choosing what instrument to learn, what groups to play in, how much time to spend on composition, jazz etc. One can make a decision from a position of authority that music is an important part of an all-round education, while still making an effort to connect with child regarding how exactly to go about it.

I agree with comments above that a routine helps. I often find that my oldest grumbles and complains about having to go and practise, but within a couple of minutes of having started, he's forgotten about all that and gets quite involved. In fact I can remember being like that myself, and I ended up doing it for a career.

I think music is quite challenging, requiring a lot of attention to the present moment, and the desire not to do it can be more about avoiding that than not actually enjoying it as such. Having a routine time that it just "happens" helps to make that less of an issue, because there's less sense of choice and having to make a conscious decision about it every time.

It also helps if absorption in screen-based media is controlled. We have strict limits on amounts of TV and computer games and when they can be played. At those times of the day when they can't, DC doesn't feel he's missing out on anything by having to do music practice - he'd only be reading a book or whatever otherwise and he has plenty of other time to do that anyway.

A routine is great if you can establish one, but if you can't I think mandating 30 mins or whatever a day can be counter-productive. As long as a child enjoys the instrument, wants to continue and is making some progress then I see no reason not to keep going with or without practice. Loads of other expensive extra curricular things (eg horse riding) don't require hours of extra daily effort, so why should we insist on it for musicians? It's not really a case of tearing up £20 notes at all.

I suppose it does depend what your child's long term objectives are - if they want to be a soloist they really do need to do hours a day, but if it's just a hobby then an occasional tinkle is probably fine. Some children can go a long way with very little practice and others develop practice routines after years of not doing any.

If a child doesn't want to continue though I see no point in insisting. All the adults I know who gave up instruments as children don't regret it at all.

thanks for all your messages, much appreciated.