Westminstenders: PreGrades (Minority Report comes to the UK)

[RedToothBrush]

In Aug 2020, London, DC's prototype 'PreGrades' launched from the education department stops plebs before they go to university, reducing the social mobility rate to zero percent. Social mobility is predicted using specialized mutated humans, called "Teachers", who "predict" grades by marking shit lots of course work and exams over a period of years. Would-be social climbers are knocked down in a computer algorithm which distorts reality and hits the disadvantaged hardest. Central government is on the verge of adopting the controversial program nationwide by applying it in all departments from the DWP, the Home Office, the Department of Health and the Department of Justice to predict benefit fraud, getting sick asylum seeking and crime before it occurs.

DC's vision of the future is based on excellence being genetically ingrained into the elite but he must sell this vision to the unsuspecting public in a series of public votes which rely on the idea of the 'undeserving'. Little do they know that they too will be the victims of this plan until a mysterious bug appears and only the wealthy and well connected are able to get hold of adequate PPE and they are no longer able to buy bog roll nor retire to Spain as they had previously and endless queues for pizza form near Kent.

In my (small) south coast city there have been only 2 new Covid cases in the last 14 days, and just 8 in the wider area.

As I posted late last night, I think the main reason that there hasn't been a higher "news" profile is that so far the "outbreaks" were not linked to the schools themselves but instead to community transmission - and the news that they've been so quick to pick up on those cases in the schools is a "good" news one and therefore not newsworthy (cynic, moi? ).

I'm more concerned about the M&S factory outbreak - and the fact that Aberdeen still seems to be having a spike (particular interest there as ds is up in Aberdeen) so still has increased restrictions.

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Big data is fucking scary. DH working in tech has seen some of the stuff that is being used and its terrifying.

I spent the last 2 years in my last job fighting off the big data salesmen. It was embarrassingly easy, but they really had their claws into the directors, so you were past the point of rational thought.

It went from "have a look at this and see if it's any use to us", to "Have a look at this and see where we are going to be using it".

It sometimes took weeks but you always boiled the big data approach down to:

We need all you data -and the infrastructure to process it

Why ?

We'll tell you when we have it

that and "AI"

@BigChocFrenzy

Meanwhile view from Germany on Brexit negotiations looks about right:

"I've got new plans.

Right here, in my right-hand pocket.

If you'd like to take a look..."

Fake news. It's a well known fact that Germans have no sense of humour.

That's just a Brexiteer propaganda piece ...

Or as a German friend said: a joke is no laughing matter.
It's not true, they do have a sense of humour.

@Peregrina

Or as a German friend said: a joke is no laughing matter. It's not true, they do have a sense of humour.

As a committed member of the Henning Wehn fan club, maybe I should have added a smiley ?

First comment:

That is something we do not have in Germany: jokes about german surrender

(

From my experience of Germany, they like farce / slapstick type stuff. Not so much dry humour.

coldcolder I would disagree - they have a very dry, sly sense of humour.

It's the French I remember as liking slapstick. They loved Benny Hill

My German relatives have a very dry sense of humour.

Pmk - love reading you guys and linked articles but can't keep up.

@prettybird

It's the French I remember as liking slapstick. They loved Benny Hill

My German relatives have a very dry sense of humour.

I loved the story of the Luftwaffe dropping a wooden bomb on a decoy village during the war. Possibly apocryphal, but fun.

@HoneysuckIejasmine

Yes I found them in the Scotland section. But with schools in Enand due to return soon, and many thinking along lines of seeing how it goes in Scotland to judge safety, it seems odd that it's not been picked up more. Surely someone decides what goes on the front page? It's not purely algorithm, they still have editors.

But they don't want people to see it do they? Or think about it. The official line is that schools are safe to open and they want them re-opened for political and economical reasons. All of those "unemployable" lower class people who need kids in school to go and do all that useless essential frontline work.

One of your BBC articles had a sentence at the top about the growing cases in schools, and lower down the official statement that "there is no evidence of transmission in schools".

I hereby predict that it does not matter how many cases of cover crop up in schools, the official line will continue to be trotted out until there is one - one single - case in London affecting someone rich middle class and related to someone in the media, at which point the whole country will lockdown again.

As DGR says, this is how things are done in Britain now. We are told the official line on evidence and have to bend reality to match, or be unemployable (yes, that phrase, attitude and culture really pisses me off ).

I don't want to be a bore, but I'm popping in on my lunchbreak to say that if you haven't looked at Goveller's Travels yet (I posted to it before), it's excellent:

twitter.com/mikegove12/status/1295611575433338881

It's replaced the Twitter page by Mark François as Pepys.

This is the unroll of the second installment, from 2 days ago (sorry for failed italics, I can't fix them).

The author gives some account of his first inducements to travel.



It would not be proper to trouble the reader with the particulars of our adventures aboard the Shitetanic in attempting to carry the hopes of our nation’s youth to the 
bottom of the Southern Ocean; let it suffice, that infested with delingpoles, plague broke out among the crew and forty two were dead before we left Folkestone, later algorithmed to twenty.

The rest, of cabinet-level competence and a weak condition, were unable to 
operate our ship and our Captain Johnson, showing wenches the wif waf under his kilt in his cabin, was absent until such a time as the boy with the merde-ass touch Williamson fell overboard after a stray Toffo. Driven by a violent storm, we hit upon rocks, and split.


What became of my companions I cannot tell; but conclude many were lost when I insisted on refusing entry to my spacious life boat. Pushed by wind and tide, I reached a shore. 



With the heat, and the Mrs on Whatsapp insisting today was a fast day, I found myself much 

inclined to sleep, sounder even than when exiled to the winnebago during her Ann Summers parties; when I awaked, I was not able to stir: for I found my arms and legs strongly fastened on each side to the ground, and my hair, which was long and thick, tied down in the same 
manner with several ligatures across my body.

In a little time I felt something alive moving on my left leg, but after banishing the thoughts of Geri Halliwell, it occurred on my right leg too, this time advancing gently almost to my chin; bending my eyes, I perceived it 
to be a creature not six inches high, very alike Dominic Cummings, with an Airpad and scolding hot latte in its hands.

At least forty of the same kind (as I conjectured) followed, Hancocks, Patels, Shappses. I was in the utmost astonishment, and roared ‘SARAH’ so loud

 that they all ran back in a fright and some, as I was afterwards told, were hurt with the falls they got by leaping from my sides.

I could only look upwards as the sun began to grow hot, and the light offended my eyes, and all I could think on was the horror of having my 
fate decided by such pathetic figures, so far out of their depth that besides the harvesting of my leg hairs for bedding, they had not the slightest plan for my future beyond a securing of their own.

^Then the Cummingslike shape, who again ventured so far as to get a


full sight of my face, lifted up his hands and by way of admiration cried out in a shrill but distinct voice: "U-Turn."^



1727

That is good. Newsthump has been outdoing itself regularly of late. There's so much choice of good material for satirists at the moment. newsthump.com/2020/08/17/exam-algorithm-suggests-students-may-also-enjoy-unaffordable-housing/

The difficulty that Newsthump is currently facing is that its exaggerated and ridiculous, satirical stories can easily be confused with reality nowadays

newsthump.com/2020/08/18/gavin-williamson-successfully-puts-on-his-shoes/

I'll leave it at that, honest.

Newsthump, the Onion and similar sites are finding themselves to be the sane version of the real news at the moment

My nephew got what he needed to go on to study engineering. I'm so so pleased for him. His parents marriage finally combusted in a very distressing way the month before mocks so his mocks results were dire but since then he has worked his socks off and his teachers know that better than anyone.
The algorithm would have totally screwed him and kids like him who pull it put of the bag after mocks (usually boys!)
The poor BTec students though! Ffs!

Congratulations to your nephew yoikes - and to the teachers who recognised his hard work after the Mocks

My day just got better
news.sky.com/story/steve-bannon-former-trump-adviser-in-custody-on-fraud-charge-over-mexico-wall-12053200

@prettybird

Congratulations to your nephew yoikes - and to the teachers who recognised his hard work after the Mocks

This great news 💐

www.theguardian.com/education/2020/aug/20/firm-linked-to-gove-and-cummings-hired-to-work-with-ofqual-on-a-levels?CMP=share_btn_fb

Congrats yoikes so pleased for your nephew!

[quote Sostenueto]www.theguardian.com/education/2020/aug/20/firm-linked-to-gove-and-cummings-hired-to-work-with-ofqual-on-a-levels?CMP=share_btn_fb[/quote]
Crooked fucking bastards. You got what you voted for, people, well done