The EU referendum and my bloody mother

[MajesticWhine]

I just need to have a quiet rant about my mother. If no one sees this or replies, then that's fine. I can't believe this has happened so many months after the referendum. I was (am) a remainer. My mother was a leaver. Shortly after the result of the referendum, I spoke to my mother on the phone and we spoke about the result, as well as various other topics. I reacted saying that I was shocked and upset. I explained why. I mentioned how upset a number of friends and colleagues were who are EU citizens, as they felt they were unwanted by Britain. I may have mentioned other reasons I didn't want Brexit. I can't remember. I didn't make any personal comments and we moved on to talk about other things. As far as I can remember, it was never really mentioned again. I have avoided having a discussion with her about it since then, because I don't really want to have a row about it. She is entitled to her opinion. I am entitled to mine.

Fast forward to the other day. I was speaking to my mother on the phone. She had been at a family christening (which I didn't go to). She was scoffing at how my cousins wife (who is an EU citizen) was very upset about Brexit, felt unwanted by Britain, etc. She told me what she said to cousins wife: "my daughter (i.e. me) told me that I had completely ruined her life by voting for Brexit"

Slightly confused I replied, er what did you say. I never said anything like that. She said "oh, well yes you did, words to that effect".

I have gone out of my way to not have political discussions with her on this topic, I have never said that she or anyone else has ruined my life or in any way made my views into a personal issue. I am absolutely staggered that she has made up this absolute bullshit about me. My mother is prone to exaggeration but this is something else.
Presumably she said this in front of everyone (my mother is extremely loud), so all my extended family (who I see very rarely) now think I'm a vindictive bitch. And I can only assume she has said similar things to all her other friends and any other friends we have in common over the months.

I am absolutely fucking fuming. Rant over.

Everyone will know what your mother is like, I have learnt long ago that when someone comes out with absurd statements purportedly by a third party then its usually bollocks.

Those that matter wont give it any mind, its small consolation but at least your forewarned about what shes like!

it was obvious to me that your mum is a stirrer. Forget it - I also think that if I hear a mum saying things like that about their DC it's a reflection on the mum - normal people don't talk like this in person about politics!

I want to let her know I think she's out of order. I don't really want the stress of dealing with it. But I am going to find a way of making my feelings clear.

It sounds to me like your mum believes that what she said is your opinion, and so she has shared it with others without stopping to think.

Also, it might not be as bad as you think - by saying "Majestic says I ruined her life by voting for Brexit", she has let your cousin's wife know that you are on her side, that you think Brexit is a bad idea and wants EU citizens to stay, etc. That doesn't make you look like a vindictive bitch.

Perhaps your mum has the beginning of regret for voting for Brexit and wanted to make your cousin's wife feel better?

Or maybe I'm reaching...in any case I hope you feel better soon. I hate people putting words in my mouth.

Thanks Nyx. You might be right. I sort of doubt she felt regret but she probably felt on the back foot and was trying to make herself feel better (by making it all about her)
Sigh. My mother is to quote, a bloody difficult woman so I should be used to her by now. I'll have calmed down by the time I next see her.

I feel your pain - I have some 'difficult' relatives too! Hope it blows over and you feel better soon

I think any listening bystander, regardless of their vote, upon hearing your mum loudly saying that to an eu citizen who is worried, will think your mum is an arse, not you.

I've had a few near misses like that. To be honest I keep off the subject but at the same time do not hold back if either parents comes out with Daily Mail speak. They recently admitted they felt their vote might have been a mistake but then when with friends and after a couple of glasses of wine turned into gong ho leavers. It is an identity thing, and possibly being martyr to your remoaner daughter and grandchildren is a badge of honour amongst their peers......

My MIL, when we had a discussion on the matter, managed to twist my words such that she said I was saying that the elderly shouldn't be allowed to vote! I think it may be par for the course, putting words into other's mouths on this subject. She's probably told everyone else I think this too. Oh well, never mind!

Glad it's not just me