Brexit making me sad about parents

[aelah]

Both my parents voted out. I voted in. They are mid 50's I am 32 with a 4 year old.

They are constantly dismissing my fears as 'believing the hype and spin' when in reality I think it's the other way round.

When I post something vaguely remainer ish on FB they jump on and tell me to 'stop worrying' and 'be happy we have control
Of our own destiny now'

Is it just me or is anyone getting increasingly pissed off? I feel like I voted based on the (limited) facts available and because I feel like people my age have already had it shot (with uni fees, recession, unable to buy houses, soaring childcare) etc. But my parents just keep wittering on about 'taking back control' and 'being in control
Of our own destiny'. To me these are meaningless statements.... And I'm getting annoyed.

Short of barring theme both from my FB, what can I do?

Well it's kind of hard not to be annoyed at folk who are still sprogging off about "having control of our own destiny" when almost a month down the road it's clear that the only folk rushing to do business of us outside of the EU is New Zealand, and lovely as they are , it does seem as if they may be a tad far away to provide any meaningful opportunities.

But another point is are you still posting loads about the referendum? I posted quite a lot in the immediate days that followed, as I felt very raw and angry about the result, but then I tried to get a bit more sanguine and now am back to holiday snaps on FB and political discourse on Mumsnet.

You aren't going to change anyone's mind by posting on FB you know. Your opinions probably coincide with mine and will therefore by default be correct , but perhaps it's time to scale back on it.

Well today I had my mum (leave) and my friend (remain) going hammer and tongs at it. Both are passionate.

My partner intervened and basically asked them both to stop dismissing each other (my
Mum was dismissing my friend saying she had 'the experience in the real world' that he didn't and he was dismissing or rather scoffing snobbily at her lack of clarity ) he asked them if they were going to comment to base it in fact or not at all.

I felt I couldn't step in as didn't want to bash my mum in public even though I agreed with my friend so instead I just posted a video of a cat playing with a dinosaur toy to dissipate the friction. Ha.

Long before Brexit I knew how selfish and stupid my parents are. They're the kind of sheeple who go around muttering the same things as all the other sheeple about 'Brussels telling us what to do' blah blah blah. When I asked them exactly what do Brussels tell us to do?, they couldn't think of one single thing. It's not really fair on the rest of the country that they got to vote.

Every person I know that voted leave didn't give it any thought.

I sympathise. My usually astute father voted out. Rather embarrassingly, he reads The Sun on a regular basis and he has obviously imbibed the rhetoric. You can imagine my response to his reason for voting out being 'too many immigrant's.' despite him being an immigrant himself in the 1960s

When I asked him if he considered his children and grandchildren, one of whom is my 17 year old DS, who is considering a university abroad under the Erasmus scheme, he callously replied that "well the young people should have got off their arses and voted then" and apparently we were 'all chugging along just fine in the 1970s.' fgs!!!

I put down the phone before I said #@?!!

I haven't brought up the subject since, because if I do, we will fall out BIG time. He's old school stubborn and will never ever apologise, even if it hurts him.

So I try and remember nice times spent together and try to forget what he's done 'for our future.' This way I am not gritting my teeth, and unwisely shouting at him in a derisive and inappropriate manner (how I'd love to get it off my chest!) He is 50% responsible for my being here at all. I must NOT forget that. I shall eventually (hopefully before hell freezes over) calm down. Parents would be nice to have if when that happens.

Perhaps adopt the same tactic?

Short of barring theme both from my FB, what can I do?

Ignore what they say. Hide their comments if you need to.

But I disagree with others here who say you should keep quiet.

I mean... WTF. I think this 'keeping quiet' thing is what made us get into this mess in the first place. If people talked more, maybe the lies would have been seen for what they were.

DMiL has a lot of friends who voted Leave, and I seriously think she would have voted that, too, if DSiL didn't tell her in not too uncertain terms that a Leave result would most likely lead to all her kids leaving the country for better opportunities elsewhere. I guess the thought of being all alone in England without her kids made DMiL a Remainer.

Some of her friends got shouted at by their kids for voting Leave. They should have had those conversations earlier.

Some of her friends got shouted at by their kids for voting Leave. They should have had those conversations earlier.

Shouting at people for voting a way they are entitled to is not on quite frankly.

Disagree by all means but some of this is now getting quite ridiculous.

There's no arguing with stupid

Well labelling 17 million people as 'stupid' isn't helpful and is wrong.

There was nothing 'more intelligent' or 'morally superior' about voting remain over leave.

If anything is going to keep the divide in this country it is that sort of sneering and rubbish.

I am older than your parents and still distraut at how this result might affect my son's future. However what I think is really sad about this thread is the number of posters advising you not to talk to your parents about it. If my son strongly disagreed with me over something, I hope he would say so. Tell them how you feel and ask them what exactly they mean by 'taking back control'. They are not children.

I think talking g about it with respect on both sides would be ideal but if it is 2 entrenched positions and lobbing verbal or Facebook grenades at one another it is counter productive to the relationship.

I do get a little upset at the implication that it was the fact that the OP's parents were over 50 was a factor in them voting leave.

Dh and I - and the majority of our friends - are over 50 and were strong Remain voters - as was my 79 year old Dad. Don't tar us all with the same brush!

Ignore. It was a couple of younger generation in our family that voted leave. All senior voted remain. A few mum "friends" were reasonable leavers on the rare occasion we discussed. But posted lots of shit on FB. Keep your remain views to yourself as far as family is concerned. It's not great but it's the best .

Flosime - I will not discuss my opinions with my DF. I love him dearly and he is elderly, I do not wish to fall out with him.

Our conversations will just be that much more superficial than they used to be. I will try to bite my tongue when he mutters about the prospect of another Scottish referendum that he helped trigger by voting to leave.

He will not change his mind by my talking to him and nor will I.

My parents voted remain like me and my DH. In fact my 65 year old dad spent many hours campaigning for remain in his local area and they were both very upset by the result.

My PIL voted leave for what I feel are reasons that don't stand up to much scrutiny. I must admit to feeling really quite angry towards them in the week or so after the vote. Luckily we were able to avoid each other for a bit. I've calmed down now but I won't talk politics with them. I think it would have been very difficult if it had been my own parents.if you otherwise have a good relationship I would tell them you don't want to discuss it any more.

Rookie all I can say - again - is that I will be really sad if my son is ever like that with me. Old people do not break just because youdisagree with them.

We will be going to Spain soon with the in laws. Fil voted out and every time we go out for a meal I will be struggling not to comment on how much more expensive everything is since the £ has dropped.
Ironically we will be staying in a property we own jointly with them that DH would now like to sell as we aren't sure how things will work with a Spanish mortgage/taxes etc. DH ( probably once he has had a few drinks) will no doubt point this out to him in no uncertainties which will lead to a huge sulk by fil.
Oh what fun!!!

By Floisme, it's exactly that. Some are as hard as iron and will not bend. Leaving you in a situation where things escalate beyond repair. My father's reason for voting out is utterly ridiculous. As I said, he is an immigrant from the commonwealth. His parents were also immigrants in the "no blacks, no dogs, no Irish" age. Yet he votes out on immigration?!!!

But although he could hear how upset I was he just went on the defensive, which included spouting more rubbish "we were great in the 70's. There are other countries desperate to trade with us. Britain was the greatest empire".

Lol! He's more patriotic than the Farage followers!!!

So what's the point in making a gulf wider? You can't change the minds of a lot of older stubborn people. Fine. But it means you just have to suck it up sometimes. Family is more important.

Should read:. But Floisme it's just that

Oh come on OP get over yourself.

A selfish reason that I'm avoiding discussing brexit with DPs is that they are personally financially generous with us and also I'm an only DC.

Discussing the matter would only reveal unpleasant facts about DF's thinking process that I don't want to hear and already suspect i.e. muttering about too many immigrants whilst being one himself, and the lovely Irish doctor was taking his blood.

DM is different - I suspect she was rather shocked when I mentioned that both DH and my jobs could be at risk. But what's done is done, I can't undo how they voted and thankfully they aren't on FB.

As I said, he is an immigrant from the commonwealth. His parents were also immigrants in the "no blacks, no dogs, no Irish" age. Yet he votes out on immigration?!!!

I can't see any problem there at all. Deciding not to be part of a political bloc with unlimited free movement for all people, which has only been this way since 1992, is a valid choice. A "leave" vote isn't for stopping immigration, it's for the choices to be made in the UK, not the EU.

A "leave" vote isn't for stopping immigration,

For some it clearly was, hence the rise in race hate since the Referendum.

I think a lot of people voted out because they thought it would curb immigration.

A lot voted out because they could see where the EU is headed; have bothered to read around what is going on, and didn't like the direction of travel.

Just because your parents are over 50 doesn't mean they are senile OP; it means that they are aware there was life before the UK joined the EEC in 1973, and that travel and working/studying abroad happened before we joined.

There was nothing 'more intelligent' or 'morally superior' about voting remain over leave.

Pardon me but voting to leave the biggest economic trading block in the world with no alternative plan did not seem particularly smart. Particularly when the leave campaign was built on the empty rhetoric peddled by Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage. Oh, and one month after the referendum the economic chickens are coming home to roost.

This is so difficult OP. I'm fortunate that my family and friends on FB are (in the main) strongly Remain. I would find it incredibly difficult to be constantly confronted with a blase attitude to leave from close family.

Just after the result a very naive member of the extended family posted something along the lines of 'I didn't understand it so I didn't vote. Now we all need to just get along'. I had to Step Away from the Keyboard

I would put them on a restricted profile or create a specific group for anything political in your case.