Hi all,
I know there's plenty of forums to do with nightmare neighbours but I thought this would be the right place as my situation is a little different in the sense I'm a First time single parent and living in a mother and baby hostel. I'll give as much details as possible and then I'd like advice on how I could proceed or just give up hope (which I already have to be honest). This may seem like a ramble so I apologise but there's a lot to put so I'll write my version of everything that's happened...it is a rant to be honest as I'm at my last wits end.
I've been at the mother and baby hostel since December while I was pregnant, I got help from the council as I was made homeless. I have my own room and kitchen, share the bathroom with someone else. Over all the place was fine in December and majority of January, I had no issues with anyone and I was comfortable living there as much as I could be. Yes I had minor problems with my freezer which I put up with when I was pregnant (it's been fixed now) and there's still these worm things that are in the bathroom (we have a cleaner but somehow they're still there). And the hostel is in the middle of nowhere, not near any shops and I'm away from any family and I don't have friends either. But yes over all this place was suitable for me when pregnant and I felt safe, better than being on the streets.
I had my daughter in late December after Xmas and now she's 3 months old. Since January, people on my floor started moving out and now I've been there the longest on my floor, everyone else is new. This neighbour who has ruined my experience and to be honest, my day to day living, moved in late January so at this point my baby was about 3 weeks and was still waking every 1/2 hours for a feed and I had to co sleep because she refused to sleep in her Moses basket. I must note that when all of this started, I was and still am severely sleep deprived, short tempered, emotional at times and feel isolated. Maybe I also have baby blues I don't know. I talk with one girl in the hostel who lives downstairs but majority of the time, I'm alone with my daughter (The father is not involved at all by choice). I also struggled with money in January and February to the point I had to visit a food bank and had to take out a loan. I've had extra support and visits from the children's centre who I can talk to about how I feel and how to improve my mental health by thinking positive thoughts but my sessions with her have ended recently.
The hostel is run by housing Association and when I moved in, I was given a booklet full of rules and regulations which I followed like gospel such as: don't make a lot of noise, don't use the laundry room after 10pm, don't use candles, clean up after yourself in the bathroom (I don't leave any of my stuff in there and I vigorously clean up after myself after showers). There's also a notice on the doors in the hallway saying 'Please do not slam doors as children could be sleeping.' So for the whole time I was there when I was pregnant, I would ensure I never slammed my front door and basically tip toed around, of course I made living noise but I was considerate to everyone around me.
When this neighbour moved in, I got warned by the girl I talk to in there that she knew the girl moving in and warned me that her kids may be noisy and so will she. (Must note that she doesn't live right next time me but across the hallway.) The day she moved in I bumped into her in the hallway and welcomed her, was friendly and had a little chit chat... I moaned about how my 3 week old was never sleeping and I remember her saying 'mine started sleeping through the night at a month old.' I felt she was trying to throw that in my face but I ignored it and continued to be welcoming, even though the noise got to me as soon as she moved in, at first I continued to say hi to her when I bumped into her in the corridor but I wouldn't have a conversation with her. But gradually it's annoyed me so much that for the past 2 months I don't acknowledge her and she doesn't acknowledge me.
She has a 2 and a 4 year old and yes I know at those ages they can be hard work which is why I've tried to ignore it and just assume she's trying and she may be struggling but recently, it's got unbearable and I'd even go as far to say that she's doing it on purpose now. At one point I had a word privately with the woman in the office and told her what is going on and she agreed that everyone should be considerate, she said that she would have a word with her...after that though the noise got worse and a day or two after, her kids were banging on my door. I must note that they don't bang on anyone else's door apart from mine... this got aggressively worse after I politely asked her to be a little bit quieter as it was 6/6.30am and she was standing in the corridor, her kids screaming their heads off, my baby was still asleep and I didn't want her to wake up but I also wanted to get the hint across that she was letting the noise get a bit out of hand. I will quote what was said 'Please can you be a bit quieter as my baby is sleeping' Her reply (She turns to her 4 year old who's screaming and crying 'there's babies sleeping.' (She said this in a sarcastic non assertive tone that no 4 year old would listen to). I was surprised that she didn't even apologise and I didn't know how to respond so I just didn't say anything else and went back in my room. After that I feel she's been deliberately hanging around outside my room letting her kids make as much noise as they want and she has even started propping her front door open with a bag so she's basically now treating the hallway as her living room where her kids can play. Bare in mind, others have kids of that age or a little younger/older but they don't play in the hallway as others are considerate that others do live there and people may be sleeping or just don't want to be disturbed. There's also a communal living room downstairs by the office and a garden where children can play. It's also the constant tantrums from the 4 year old outside my door, I understand children have tantrums but this seems to be very regular. When I look through my peep hole, he's screaming and crying while the 2 year old is running around making random screeching noises...the mum usually is just on her phone letting them do it or she stands there saying in a non assertive tone 'come on we need to go back in our room.' For the first few weeks she also let her kids stay up shouting until 11.30pm but recently she's been putting them to sleep more earlier. I know people are going to say 'well it's up to her when she puts her kids to sleep and they can make as much noise as they want in their room' but it's extreme noise, to the point that I go to a park full of kids to get away from the noise they make (yes the park is quieter than my 'home'). She also doesn't go out much with them so this noise is through out the day consistently, worse at weekends as no one is in the office so I think she knows she can take the p*ss. I've even heard her kids screaming when I was down the road... so I turned around and spent an extra hour out. This is making me not want to be there and I've resorted to going out and just sitting in a park for 4 hours and then walking up and down the streets with my baby to get away from it all. I also sleep around a family members house on the weekend to get away from it as it gets worse but this isn't a solution as my family members house isn't really fit for purpose for me to stay a lot. Recently she's also started making comments outside my room to her kids when they're screaming such as 'shhh we have to whisper' and then she'll laugh and even her kids will laugh...I feel she's encouraging their behaviour which I do not understand. I know at this point she's just trying to wind me up but she's being inconsiderate to everyone on that floor, not just me. I've noticed the other neighbours have started going out a lot more on the weekend and no one speaks to anyone on my floor... recently though, a new woman has moved in, she has a baby of crawling age and a boy of 4/5, she is just as loud as this girl and yes of course, they're best of friends and they both let their kids scream and bang on doors without trying to control the situation. The new woman also moves furniture around at alll hours including at night (She has the girl I talk to living underneath her and she's mentioned she can hear all of this including screaming late at night). I'm pretty sure she's bad mouthed me to the new woman and now the noise has got worse because she believes she's now got someone on her side.
Now I could be deemed as a prude to some of you, others may think that my expectation that people will be quiet in a hostel is unrealistic and some might think that I expect everyone to tip toe around. I don't expect tip toe, I expect living noise and I'm fine with usual noise such as banging of cupboards in the kitchen of next door but how much noise is not ok? I'd say it's now severely effecting my mental health, since my baby was born I've had one nap while being there, it lasted an hour and then I got woken up by screaming of her kids Not my baby. My baby luckily can sleep through a certain level of noise now but I can't. The other major problem is the slamming of doors at all hours, this can be at 2.30am and it seems like intentional banging of doors because it's quite loud... I put my baby down for the night between 9.30-11 usually and then try to go to bed straight after or an hour after, then half hour after I've fallen asleep I am being woken to someone slamming their doors, I can't go back to sleep for another 30 mins and then my baby wakes for her feed not so long after, her feed and nappy change usually takes 15-25 mins, then I'm woken up at 6am to her kids screaming. She allows her kids to scream in the hallway every time she takes them with her to the bathroom so this can be anytime between 6am-11pm. No she doesn't work so this is everyday, of every hour. I'm now usually going out everyday to get away from it but the one day I don't go out, the noise is unbearable...I have to turn my tv up really loud to try to drown it out. Why should I have to do that? I will admit that I've also started to slam my door because I sometimes feel I shouldn't be considerate to people who are not considerate to me, yes I know this is immature but imagine if you were in my situation, I believe anyone would be annoyed with it not unless they're the noisy one. I know everyone has different opinions of what classes as noise disturbance, some don't think kids should have to be quiet but I disagree. I also have constantly banging and because the floors echo banging, whenever her kids are running or jumping up and down, the sound does feel like it's in your room.
I have requested to the office that I get moved to the room below me as it's empty and the people downstairs are quieter, it would also be easier for me as st present I am carrying a pram, shopping and my baby in her car seat up the stairs...I did this when I was still recovering from Labour and it did my back and leg in to the point I was struggling to walk. Luckily that's got better but even now, I would still make sense if I was downstairs. It's no hassle for them, all they would have to do is change my name on a sheet to have a different room number on it and give me a day to move my stuff... but the lady in the office who's new has not been helpful and insists I stay in that room. When I said i wanted to move because of the neighbours, she didn't even ask what's happening with the neighbours, she just didn't seem to care. I've also requested to the woman who handles my case at the council that I get moved to another hostel but I don't really want to do this as I've been warned that I'd probably be moved to a place with a smaller room and have to also share a kitchen which would be annoying for doing my babies bottles and sterilising. I believe the woman in the office doesn't know how bad it is upstairs but I also think she wouldn't do anything about it. What can she do? All of the rules I've followed as gospel everyone else ignores, others have candles others do their washing after 10 and there's also drug taking and my neighbour who I share the bathroom with doesn't clean up after herself... her boyfriend that sometimes sleeps over leaves it in a right mess to the point I can't use it. She leaves her kids toys in the sink for days assuming I won't want to use the sink even though it's a shared bathroom. All of what I just listed isn't that bad, I can put up with it but the noise stops me from sleeping, relaxing, I feel like it's ruined my experience as a first time mum and I'll never get that back. I did mention the noise issues with the nurse who did my daughters jabs and she suggested I book an appointment with a gp, tell them I'm stressed and why & then get a letter to show to the lady in the office so it could help my case to move rooms to downstairs. I don't know if this would help me though but it's worth a try. Also had the woman from the children's centre say she will have a word with the woman in the office and plead my case to be moved rooms but not holding my breath with that.
I'd also note that this hostel is in a nice area, the street is full of owned properties of middle class and the fact that no one has complained about her kids screaming with her windows open so the whole street can hear...has baffled me. I also don't understand why she goes to the toilet, doesn't lock the door behind her and then her 4 year old wonders out screaming shouting for his mum and she lets this go on for a while before she comes out of the bathroom... I believe this is a safety issue. I think her kid has wondered downstairs before without her and I heard her telling him off for it but she still allows him to wonder off...it wouldn't be hard for him to press a button to open up the door that leads to a street and for him to wonder into a street with a car coming down the road. Been told she has also let him wonder into peoples rooms uninvited and she doesn't apologise or pick him up, if this was a normal flat building would that be acceptable? When her kids bang on my door, I answer expecting her to say 'sorry for disturbing you' Instead she just picks up her kid and goes back to her room. I just find it rude! Am I in the right with this? Sometimes I feel like saying to her 'Why don't you be considerate of others around you, the hallway isn't your living room and others don't need to hear it' but I haven't wanted to start arguments... I think she may be trying to provoke me.
Any advice or if others have been similar situations and can tell me how they handled it? Or maybe you think I'm over reacting? Is this noise disturbance that the council will take seriously? I don't know if anything will be done because it's a mother and baby hostel and I know kids are except from the quiet time hours but it's driving me mad, I've even started recording the noise and made notes on my phone but I'm a busy single mum and can't note down everything all of the time, I should be concentrating on being a mum but instead I felt my mental health is declining because of all of this.
