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Original poster

Money

20 replies

purplepigs · 06/09/2017 09:55

I was wondering how everyone sorts there income out at home.
As a couple do you put all your money into one account and everything is paid for 50/50

Or

Do people pay half for the house costs and then keep what's left in their own account

?????

OP posts:
2014newme · 06/09/2017 09:57

Everything is combined. We have same spending money. We are married

AppalachianWalzing · 06/09/2017 10:06

It depends on relationship stage.

When we were first living together, we had a joint account for bills, rent etc and each put an equal amount in. When it was clear we were looking at a long term future, but before we were married, I was the higher earner and I put a chunk of my extra earnings in savings so our day to day living expenses were more equal. The idea was, when we got married they'd go towards a house deposit, if for any reason we split before then, they'd be my savings.

Now we're married it's all entirely equal- there's just money. I keep thinking we should maybe each have a small amount of private disposable money for presents etc but it's not really a big deal. If either of us wants to spend a largish sum we mention it to the other.

I wouldn't have a child or buy a house without being married- at this stage I feel our lives are so entwined financially I would want to know someone else would be involved in deciding what was fair.

I would do things differently if there were children involved though: I think if we weren't married but had a child I'd want joint finances, and if either of us had a child from a previous relationship that would change things too.

Original poster
purplepigs · 06/09/2017 12:08

Child from a previous relationship - how would that change? In terms of joint account and paying 50/50.
How about if there was child involved but had been involved in the step parents life for quite some time and the dad had no involvement and made no financial contribution at all?

OP posts:
2014newme · 06/09/2017 12:12

I would not personally pay for somebody else's child unless we were married and I had adopted the child. However I would not expect the partner with children to pay more for housing and food costs and I'd utilities etc I'd pay half of that but I would not be subsiding all their costs and I'd expect them to persue maintenance from ex.

2014newme · 06/09/2017 12:13

Post on step parent board for proper advice I'm Not a step parent

Original poster
purplepigs · 06/09/2017 12:53

How do I repost?? Without typing it all again!?

OP posts:
Original poster
purplepigs · 06/09/2017 12:54

How about a holiday? Would u expect your partner to pay for both her and her child say £900 each and you pay for your £900 ticket or you would pay 50/50 for the holiday?

OP posts:
2014newme · 07/09/2017 14:47

I would not pay for somebody else's child to go on holiday, no.

Original poster
purplepigs · 07/09/2017 20:55

You say you wouldn't but what if your suppose to be a family now?
The family holiday won't exist if the have to pay for two people and earning less

Everyone gains from the holiday.

OP posts:
HerOtherHalf · 07/09/2017 22:38

My wife had children from her first marriage. As the primary earner, and with never a penny from their natural father, I've effectively paid for everything they've needed since we got together, and I did so gladly. If you don't want to pay for kids that arent yours biologically then you shouldn't form a family unit with them.

Original poster
purplepigs · 07/09/2017 23:16

@HerOtherHalf
Yeh I totally agree with you.
We are in this for the long run.
Together forever.

I just don't know how I should approach the situation.

We've brought a house together and so that's a long term commitment but the paying for the family holiday thing is really beginning to get me down and I am under the impression that we won't be going as I can't really afford two adult tickets - which will have an effect on our relationship as my partner said they can't survive on only one holiday a year.

What shall I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
purplepigs · 07/09/2017 23:24

@HerOtherHalf
I just feel at the moment that things are very me and son and then my partner.
Today he has been to the dentist and had braces fitted as a reward I popped to shops to get some top up shopping and brought him a game for his computer. When I got home I mentioned this and was told that I didn't have to justify the game I had brought. There was no mention of paying for the shopping I had just done or the game I had just brought. It's getting more like this as time goes on. They are able to save a huge chunk of their money while I have to watch every penny to enable us to go on a family holiday. It's like being a single parent again.

OP posts:
HerOtherHalf · 07/09/2017 23:28

Can't you just agree between the two of you what your total budget is for the holiday and then find one for the three of you that fits that budget?

ftw · 07/09/2017 23:33

Report your op and ask MNHQ to
Move the thread to the other board.

Original poster
purplepigs · 07/09/2017 23:34

@HerOtherHalf
Yeh that might be a solution.

It's just that it seems to be that they want to pay for there ticket.

OP posts:
HerOtherHalf · 08/09/2017 08:36

It's just that it seems to be that they want to pay for there ticket.

You really need to sit down and have an open and honest talk, not just about the holiday but the overall approach to money. Household families are a bit like sex. There is not one absolute right way of doing it. What is required though is a way of doing things that both of you find fair and reasonable. Hopefully, he just doesn't realise that you're struggling and will adjust his mindset when you explain that to him. If, however, he sees your son as an annoying inconvenience that he'd rather not have any responsibilty for then you have a much bigger problem, one that might be a dealbreaker for the relationship.

Somebody up thread stated that they wouldn't pay for somebody else's child to go on holiday. This is not "somebody else's child". It is the child of the partner he supposedly loves and the child he has agreed to include in his new family unit and household. It's not rocket science. If you don't want to contribute (be that money, time, love or emotional energy) to "somebody else's child" then don't get into a serious committed relationship with a single parent.

HerOtherHalf · 08/09/2017 08:37

Household finances, not families.

Original poster
purplepigs · 09/09/2017 12:04

@HerOtherHalf That's my opinion. It's not about paying for someone else child - my child hasn't just popped out of no where he has always been there and my partner knew he existed when we got together - when we were dating and then we brought a house together and all moved in together. They also knew that he did not have ANY contact with his Father and that I received no maintenance.

I would just feel more of a family and more of a stable unit if things were done a little more fairly - and you are right that if I have to pay for both my son and I I can only really afford to go on holiday once a year abroad.

They earn more than me because they can do a lot more as I work Monday to Friday in the day and can be at home for child, dogs and general home stuff cooking etc.

OP posts:
2014newme · 09/09/2017 13:19

Why would you not discuss this and resolve these issues before buying a house together!

2014newme · 09/09/2017 13:20

I would clarify whether he sees himself as the child's father or whether he's just your boyfriend.

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