Family member stealing from elderly grandma

[Billynoname]

My grandma is 96 and in good physical and mental health. No indications of dementia. She lives alone and is very independent. My mum (her daughter) speaks to her daily and visits for several hours 2-3 times per week. Grandma has been widowed for 45 years, worked in accounts, then ran her own business, and has always handled her money well.

My cousin who lives locally (her granddaughter) does her food shopping once a week. My grandma gives her her card to pay with and it's always in the sane shop and for around the same price each week.

My grandma recently mentioned that she thinks some money is missing from her account. My mum has secured power of attorney and has spoken to the fraud team at the bank. They have investigated and have confirmed that the card has not been cloned and that on the same day each week money is being withdrawn from cash points around the town using the correct PIN. Only my grandma and cousin know this PIN.

Appx £5k has gone over a few months. My parents have searched my grandmas house but there is so sign of the withdrawals there. It's also highly unlikely that grandma could have got to some of the withdrawal locations since she does not drive or use taxis. She's also not forgetful. She's been worrying about it for a while but has eventually told my mum.

The withdrawals are always made on the same day, which coincides with visits from my cousin who grandma reports pops in, goes to visit a friend then returns a short while later... long enough to take the card, get a withdrawal then return.

My parents are in a state worrying how to handle this. My cousin is single, 41. My mum's sibling- her sister died and she has a cordial but distant relationship with my uncle. My parents are worried that my cousin could have an addiction problem - gambling or drugs which is fuelling the theft and so are being open minded and empathetic but also want to get to the bottom of it.

they're keen to be supportive rather than go to the police. I just don't know. There is still a chance of an unknown logical explanation so how this is handled is critical. I'm also mindful that they protect their position- if my cousin has been stealing my my grandma, she stands to inherit half of my grandmas assists in her will. Not sure that would be right especially if she does have an addiction and my parents would need the police report to document any challenge on that. God it's a mess!!

Grateful for any advice

I understand your parents not wanting to go in all guns blazing not the simple truth is that this is theft and the most efficient and timely way to get this sorted is the police. If she is doing this to a much loved family member imagine what she could be doing to her friends and random strangers. This is only going to snowball. Go to the police and the culprit will be visible on the cash machine camera.

Unless cousin has lpa she shouldn’t be using her bank card.

cousin definitely seems like the most likely candidate, if granny isn’t concerned about recouping the money can you arrange an alternative method of cousin funding the shop. I have lpa for my mum and transfer an amount every month, or when needed if I have to pay the gardeners etc into my account. Could you maybe transfer cousin so much a week to cover the shop with a little extra to cover time and fuel.

The diplomatic way to deal with this is to get the PIN number for the card changed and for your grandma to give her cash in advance to pay for the groceries.

Your Grandma can explain she is going back to cash so she can track her money better.

The other option is a preloaded card with just enough to pay for groceries.

Stop looking for answers when you already know what's been happening. It's clear as day.

Surely you need to stop this immediately?

Does she still have capacity to change her will?

Grandma gets groceries delivered instead?

if she’s not wanting to recover the money then stop cousin shopping and ask for the card back.

This. The police can provide you with an answer in a very short period of time. If your cousin has no previous convictions, she will most likely be ordered to return the money, and may be given a fine or a suspended sentence, but it would put a stop to the theft immediately.

Or you could confront the cousin, and threaten the police unless she returns all the money immediately.

In future make sure she cannot take things from your grandma's house, because if she steals, jewellery and easily saleable items like medals will be the next to go.

Thanks for the replies. So, mixed bag, from nuclear option of telling the police to effectively brushing it under the carpet, I don't think brushing it under the carpet is ok. She's stolen £5k (that we know of) from her grandmother. Safeguarding concerns from that- plus whether it's right it responsible for her to inherit from the same person. And does she need any support for addiction- none of that will be addressed by carrying on as usual. PIN has been changed and grandma has decided now is the time to move to my mum's house (annex) so no longer a need for cousin to shop for her.

There’s a lot of hand wringing going on. Stop the access to the funds and then find out what the deal is with the cousin. You’re all being very passive about a situation on the basis that she might have addiction problems. She might be being blackmailed by the mob but she’s still stealing from your grandma. Wake up and deal with it.

Inheritance is a completely separate issue OP and being blunt none of your business who grandma gives her money to.
Change PIN number immediately, Preloaded card or cash in future. Can someone else do grandma’s shopping instead?

Something you night want to consider is when she passes and going through probate etc they may ask where that money has gone.

Change the pin on the card

Does your grandma need the money to live at her desired standard of life. If yes, confront the cousin, and contact the police if she refuses or is unable to pay it all back in a reasonable timescale keeping in mind your grandma's age.

If your grandma doesn't need/want the money, and can't see herself needing/wanting it in her lifetime you have an additional option: Change the will. The cousin gets her share minus what she stole. So it will be fair inheritance. You don't need to confront the cousin.

Write a letter to include with the will explaining why and enclosing bank statements showing the withdrawals as evidence to reduce the likelihood that this can be contested

Stop allowing the cousin access to her cards or money. She'll know why anyway

Whether or not your family want to confront the cousin anyway or provide support for gambling or addiction is up to your parents and you. You can't force help on a person though.

Has there been any fallout from cousin now she no longer has access or does she not know yet

Yes it's escalated. The police are now involved sadly

That's probably z good thing, theft is theft and if your cousin has an addiction this may be the wake up call she needs. Banks do not allow customers to let others use their pin especially when there is lpa in place so hopefully that won't be an issue.

The atm will have video proof of the withdrawals anyway so no there's denying who took the money out

What an awful thing for your cousin to do to her grandmother. Really shocking. My mum is the same age and would be absolutely horrified to discover her grandchild was stealing from her.

I know. It is unforgivable. She must be desperate but even so, my lovely Grandma

I'm glad your grandma can move in next to your mum - that's the ideal solution, isn't it? How is she? My mum was OK until she broke her hip - she's now in a care home. When I see photos of her just five years ago - two years before she broke her hip - it makes me want to cry.

Are your parents ever there when both grandma and cousin are there? Could they innocently say: " I've been thinking about the missing money in your account Mum and I really think we ought to go to the police." Hopefully cousin will get the message.

Sorry - missed your update. What a delicate and uncomfortable situation for everyone.

I believe that it is illegal for your mum to disclose her pin number and allow anyone else to use her bank card. She's also breaking the law (or perhaps just invalidating her contract with her bank) by doing this. Hopefully at her age she won't get into trouble.
Your Mum needs to stop this now and find some other way for the cousin to help with shopping, assuming your Mum still wants her to.

I would do an inventory of grandma's belongings now, before cousin's next visit. Just in case they have been 'borrowing' things of value.

Change the pin/ card.
Do an online delivery or, if the cousin has to collect, do a click and collect.

Personally I’d go to the police as well.

Oh I’m so sorry, it’s the right thing to do though.

Ask Grandma if she would like to change her will. She can easily exclude a granddaughter for any reason . Depending on what the police come back with your cousin will know exactly why . She could even include the reason in the will.

Horrible thing to happen . Do you intend to cut contact with her ? How does Grandma feel about it . Definitely get locks changed if she has key to her house. Maybe there is an addiction issue that forced this but it is up to Grandma as to what she wants to do about it .