Advice really appreciated- finding a neighbours relative!

[Sammy834]

Hey everyone

this Is pretty random but I wonder if anyone can advise or have been in a similar situation

we have a neighbour who is in hospital, end of life care which is incredibly sad. We or the hospital have been unable to locate the only relative we know she has which is a brother- and so we have been designated next of kin. Is there any way we can find him with limited details :(

literally any advise is welcome

thanks so much

I know its generally frowned upon but you could use the MN network..

To be honest I struggle to know what's allowed and what isn't in this regard since there are regularly threads talking about named real people.

Oh how difficult! Just be aware that if she’s end of life, people often ask for relatives that are long dead. I know I told many a lie to my gran that her husband/siblings, even her parents would be there to see her any minute, but they’d all been dead decades. The palative care drugs as well as dying itself, can detach their mind from reality.
Are you sure she has contact with the brother or is it something she’s just mentioned recently? I know my gran would have been convincing if you didn’t know she was waiting for people long gone.

@user7529706387aww yes I know :( we looked after both my grandparent at home until the end and that seems really common . She has progressively for worse last few days and asked for her brother before she was at hospital. She use to talk about him so I’m sure he’s still with us xx

Doh, of course. I did actually know that, wasn’t thinking! But if you found the family you could do a workaround and search for births with parents' names. And of course if there was a sibling's name displayed, you’d know he sadly wasn’t alive any longer…

He could have died and probably isn’t going to be able to come to see her in hospital if he’s older or estranged. I would focus on what you can do for her now - that’s kind of you. I hope all goes well.

Local radio could be a good bet if you think he is in the area. Or local church of community group? And do ask her if you have the chance

It may be worth contacting the local authority. In circumstances like this they can do a 'protection of property' which may at least identify if there's any details in the house. Contact adult services and ask.

Thank you! I will look into this xx @Lightuptheroom

It doesn't look like anyone else has suggested this yet, what about the Salvation Army? I believe they used to have a tracing service. You could also try 192.co.uk (can't recall if it is .com or.co.uk) to get an idea of where he might be in the country?

Thats a good idea too, I’ll see if the Salvation Army would be any help. The problem with tracing someone by name only is, it could be absolutely anyone! I’ve tried 192 and it was no help as there’s no way to identify if it’s the right person, other than to call around everything man with the same name in the uk. It’s very difficult! Xx

I’m sure if you could get into her house there will be info. Her mobile phone, letters etc.

I would focus on getting into the house.

Have you looked through all of her possessions in the hospital to make sure that she doesn’t have a key? Have you checked that there isn’t one in a plant pot or under the mat?

If not, I would call a locksmith to give you access and then take a spare key into the hospital for her.

You could ask about him on a few local Facebook community groups as opposed to try and identify him yourself. Give a few details.

if you could get into the house. check the phone. both if there is an answering machine and 'last called'

it might also be worth doing a free probate search to indicate whether he’s likely to have died - whilst a bit morbid, I guess you don’t know given the ages

If you know her details you can try and figure out his birth details from free bmd by searching under surname and mothers maiden name.

Could the housing association gain access to the house (as the landlord)? Look for Christmas or birthday cards, address books, any correspondence, maybe something tucked in a photo album?
I had to gain access to a property recently using a locksmith for an elderly relative to get them clothes for going into a care home - could that be done? Anyway, the locksmith said most people have a special place in a property where they keep their important stuff, like documents, keys, passports, addresses - so look out for that.

If the fire brigade were called to extricate her then there must be a way in and out. A locksmith or the Council will have had to have been called to secure the house again. They won’t have just locked up the house leaving the owner with no way of re-entering.

social services or GP

Thank you all for your advice ❤️ it’s really appreciated! xx

There is a fantastic Friends Reunited page on FB with lots of wonderful people who have achieved results. Definitely worth asking for help there.

Has she lived near you a long time? Neighbours from previous address might know more.

{mention:Sammy834}@Sammy834 did you ever track down your neighbour's brother? I hope she was reunited with him.

@user1471465748thank yoj for asking!! The brother was tracked down eventually ❤️ unfortunately she passed away not long after so it was all very sad xx

Ah that's so sad but amazing that he was found. How kind of you and your family to support your neighbour like this. May she rest in peace. Thank you for the update.