Really want a baby but so worried about the world right now, is it ethical?

[AMD93]

My husband and I are just married and in the last year or so we have been talking about starting a family and trying after our wedding which has just passed. Now the time has come to try for a baby and the news is just so so bleak.

It feels like we're on the cusp of WWIII, the world leaders have just ignored the climate crisis, rights that were fundamental are now being questioned. I feel this huge conflict, would bringing a child in to this world be cruel to them? Am I overthinking?

I appreciate that a lot of readers on this are parents and I don't mean to scaremonger or cause anyone anxiety. I'm not even sure what answers I'm looking for. I think for us, a child would complete our family, we have no doubt we want one and our baby would be loved so much by us and our wider family and friends. I just can't knock this feeling of doom and inner conflict. Am I being selfish?

The thing is, there is ALWAYS something horrendous going on in the world that could cause a prospective parent to have these thoughts. There will never be a perfect time. My perspective on it is you only get one life to enjoy and if being a parent is a calling, do it. You’re clearly so thoughtful about them already so you’ll look after your babies well enough for them to have a very good quality of life, I’m sure.

I wouldn't

In many ways, though, the world is a much better place now for having children than ever before. Medical care much advanced, education, more parity between sexes, better maternity and paternity leave. Of course there’s lots to worry about but there’s also a lot to be optimistic about. My children have opportunities that I never would have had and the chance to do things that 40 years ago would have been unfeasible.

At every point in history there are reasons not to have a child. History has been punctuated by wars on various scales for time immemorial.

These threads inevitably involve people who already have children bleating on about how it’s irresponsible or how they would choose differently now and honestly it’s bollocks.

If you want and can love and do your best to bring up a child to become a positive member of society then go for it.

I would be more worried about the fact that the world is literally dying, drowning in plastic and other human pollution and waste.

Children are a complete joy and I would not un-have mine. But I am terrified of what is ahead for her, and I think there will soon be a tipping point where the benefits of living in this world will be dwarfed by the horrors that the next generation will have to live and die through.

Is it ethical? probably never has been unless the child you have can make a positive contribution to society but there are not many Marie Curies or Louis Pasteurs out there, most of us are just grist to the mill. Plus until they have fully matured you won’t know.

You are obviously a bit of an over thinker and a worrier though so I would ponder your anxiety more before having a child. It may be rewarding on many levels but it is the worse stress imaginable if they are ill or having some kind of issues. I have had friends that have had kids with disabilities, social communication issues, illness, drug taking and the list goes on. I have seen those friends really suffer.

My DF had this outlook before I was born in the 1970’s. Throughout history there has been uncertainty, war, and horrors as well as the positives of life - advancements in medicine, technology, law and order, education, safeguarding, employment laws to protect workers, emergency services, benefits to protect the vulnerable etc. The world isn’t all doom and gloom, and it isn’t all rosy either - just like throughout history.

I have a DC and life without him would be my ‘horror.’ Only you can decide whether you are happy to forgo having a family because of the world we live in.

If you wanna baby, have one. Otherwise you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting it.

Assuming you’re in the UK, we live in a rich, stable, developed nation. Any child born here is going to be very well insulated from any future conflicts and likely live somewhere that will be able to cope with climate change. I fully appreciate what you’re saying from a global perspective but that isn’t relevant to the specifics of your individual life. Which you only get one of, as a PP has said. None of us know what the future holds for our children when we create them, we are all taking a chance and rolling the dice. That’s part of being a parent imo.

On this site there are adverts seeking foster carers. That could be as little as one weekend a month, and transform lives. The same goes for a full time adoption, and everything in between. Your ethical hesitation over adding to the seething billions of surplus human population is an indication that you (and the wider family you mention) would be perfect to make the world, and the lifetimes of any needy children you care for, a far better place.

Based on your post I’m sure your child would be a very conscientious person who may be a great asset and help for the world!

what would worry me personally these days is all this confusion about gender identity! I would be petrified of having a child that would want to change something so fundamental about themselves.

It’s not even an ethical dilemma (to me, anyway).

All species exist to propagate their genes. Why would we assume that we are so special and different?

And, certainly in this country, we have a demographic crisis where we either need to propagate or increase young people by taking in immigrants.

And most people who even think to ask the question are probably relatively educated and well off, just the sort of people who will bring productive people into the world.

The world always has been and always will be uncertain.

This. There is never a right moment.

I conceived ds as the global financial crash in 2008 happened. Doom mongers told me I would have to raise my ds in an impoverished world, yet here we are. Ds is a healthy happy 6' teen with 10 good GCSEs and a summer job already organised.

He's on-track for a degree in engineering and seems up for taking on the world.

If I'd listened to the doom mongers he and I would have missed out on so much.