How can I be a good judge of character without being prejudiced

[MrsEggly]

I admire wise women who see through people and detect BS very quickly and I would like to be like them because I can and have been too naive and trusting in the past and then too negative, rude, judgemental or allegedly paranoid at other times and then proven wrong. Sometimes by then it's too late and an apology just won't cut it and I feel awful for it which makes me doubt my 'gut feeling' about people.

I am 36 and a mother to a daughter and I want to protect us from dangerous situations or exploitation as well as be a good role model to my daughter of having boundaries and assessing people and protecting ourselves. I was brought up to be a people pleaser and though I'm now agnostic I was brought up in a religious environment and a culture that emphasizes thinking well of others, being optimistic, giving others the benefit of the doubt and being the better person.

How do I balance being a kind helpful and caring person in the community or work place but not being used in time, energy, emotions and sometimes money as some people take the piss or are actually jealous and vindictive pretending to be a friend.

Any book recommendations or podcasts are appreciated.

Thank you

Sorry about the annoying giphy i can't edit it out now. i thought it would be more subtle and at the end of my messsge..

I think it comes with life experience?
Plus- it’s ALWAYS easier to see someone else’s problems with greater clarity , as one has emotional distance.

E.g, if they meet some awful man, it’s easier to see the warning signs from
afar.

Hey Mrs. Eggly - I've had similar thoughts myself, as someone with relatively poor EQ. It's frustrating when you meet someone you later realize you can't trust. I have some ideas that I'm thinking through - lmk if you'd like to hear more

I am 36 and a mother to a daughter and I want to protect us from dangerous situations or exploitation as well as be a good role model to my daughter of having boundaries and assessing people and protecting ourselves.

There are probably some common sense rules of thumb to apply:

give relationships time to mature and for trust to be built.

Don't be rushed or pressurised into making a decision - that puts you in the exploitation zone.

if you only met someone 4 weeks ago and they're already asking to borrow money from you, then they're more than likely to be a baddun.

i don't think you can immunise yourself from all risk, evaluate each situation on its own merit. Never ignore your instincts they are there to protect you. Nobody on here can give you a rule book for every situation, life will present things and you will have to make the adult decision as to whether you stand to be harmed from whatever the situation, we can't predict that on your behalf.

Learn as you go, and don't be afraid to just say no.