Looking for opinions from parents

[Meowmeow2008]

I (16f) was asked to contribute £60 for Christmas preparation costs in my family. My mum and dad sat me down and told me that I'd need to pay, because of the cost of living and because christmas dinner is a luxury and not a right.

The part where I mightve been a dick: I told them no. I already pay board so I didn't think I was being spoilt at first, but the rest of my extended family called me a leecher. I decided that I might just go and spend time with my bf and best friend this christmas instead, but I don't know yet. My parents seem kinda upset with me and my aunt told me that she paid board and contributed to holidays when she was my age too. My other uncle said that he'd absolutely expect my cousin to do something similar and to 'not be a dead weight' when she's my age. At first i was confident that they were just being odd about it but now I feel... idk. Kinda entitled? Everyone thinks I am.

My friends think that I'm not being spoilt but also they're my age lmao so I wanted opinions from people closer to my parent's ages. Their parents don't charge them board (i don't have an issue with this btw, they've said that it's either paying board or out the house but they charge me less than usual rent I think) or ask them to give that much for christmas. Are they being reasonable??

You're 16? Do you have a job you earn money from? I wouldn't say this is the norm from my social circle. Do your parents work? Is your family budget really tight?

Are you in gcse year or college?

Are you working full-time or still in full-time education?
I ask because it affects the answers you'll get

I've never known anyone ask their child to contribute financially to Christmas dinner. Certainly not a 16 year old. I think that's very bizarre

I think 16 is far too young to be contributing board, let alone Xmas dinner.

I'm sorry you are in this position, I understand things are difficult for a lot of people right now but IMO you should feel more supported and free at your age

I'm in college yeah and yep I work part time and so do most of my friends, and my parents work too. They're not really properly struggling in my opinion (like we have food to eat and I got enough extra things when I was younger) but we're not wealthy either and ik they have to save up for certain things

At 16? I don't think I have ever heard of anyone asking their child for a contribution towards Christmas dinner and £60 seems one heck of a contribution to make. What are they planning on serving?

I can't see how that is reasonable. If they are really struggling, fair enough to ask for a contribution towards board, but £60 in addition to board from a child is outrageous. How extravagant a meal are they planning?
I'm sorry they have put you in this position, it seems incredibly unfair.

I have minor children and a 20 year old student child. He pays nothing to us.

No, I wouldn't have asked my 16 year old to contribute towards Christmas - and I was a completely sole parent. She's 27 and coming back for a week for Christmas and I don't expect a contribution now either. I think that's pretty harsh.

On the off chance this post isn't a joke, then you should know that Christmas dinner costs about £6-10 per head for ordinary (not organic type) food. Ask them to tell you what the other £50 is for.

At sixteen you should not be contributing to household costs at all, IMO. I am shocked at this. You are still a child. Maybe your aunt did contribute, but perhaps she left school at 16, which you could do in those days, was earning good money and wanted to contribute. That has no bearing on what is acceptable today. It's great that you are independent through your part-time job, but that is your money to spend and save. You might be thinking about university, or learning to drive and buying a car, and saving your earnings will help you with these things. If you can go to your bf's for Christmas, I'd do it. It's absurd that family expect you to contribute £60 towards the cost of a meal (how much are you eating?), especially when you already contribute by paying for your board (which I think is also out of order). Don't pay for a meal. Be elsewhere on Christmas day so no one can get huffy about it. If I were you I would also speak to Childline this, or to the safeguarding lead at your college. Family members calling you a leecher and the pressure you are under are forms of child abuse.

How much do you pay them?

In your shoes I would only help out if I thought they were genuinely struggling to buy the lunch

Ah the spirit of giving is well and truly alive in your family.

at 16 I wouldn’t expect my kid to pay. That’s insane. How are you even getting them the board and extra 60?

Your parents are being awful. I can't believe anyone would treat their young teen like this.

I know right now you feel on the cusp of adulthood but when you're as old as me (40s) you'll look back and realise just how young you are right now.

If you're working while in college and also paying board then I think your parents are also asking a lot of you - more than most - but that level I think is probably really good prep for real life.

Christmas is incredibly expensive, but at your age making that happen is just not your responsibility. There will be so many years ahead when it is.

Does your family give expensive presents? I would say that you can't pay for Xmas above your board but also they you really don't expect a gift other than something token eg a book or posh socks. That would certainly be a mature response. (But you're 16, so an immature response is also forgivable).

In your position I would spend it with your BF's family, if you get on well.

My parents asked for rent when I was back home for uni holiday. For the second long holiday I just didn't come home. It was possibly the making of me. Unlike most millennials I've never lived at home since 18.

To put how big what they're asking for in context: my relatively wealthy mum and dad (in their 70s) are giving me £100 towards xmas food because they're coming to stay for 3 days.

To ask for £60 at your stage of life is ridiculous.

No. I have young adults who live at home.

We celebrate Christmas with special food that I choose, buy and prepare.

It is my gift to them, but if I could not afford it, I would cut down a bit to what I could afford to offer my guests/family.

I would never ask them to pay for something they had not chosen.

Oh, OP…..

I work in a college and have kids slightly older than you. I’m a single parent, and on a fairly low income. Just a few things:

As a parent, I would never ever expect my children to pay rent/ household costs when they were at college. I wouldn’t dream of asking them to contribute to Christmas dinner.

If a student told me they had to contribute to household costs, It would raise some alarm bells, and I would make a note on their record. If they said they were being asked to contribute to Christmas dinner, I would have a chat with our safeguarding team to see if they thought it merited escalating. This is wrong.

Goodness me, I'm not often shocked, but to ask a 16 year old to pay £60 towards Christmas dinner on top of board is terrible.
I'm sorry to say that it sounds like they are asking you to subsidise them. Christmas dinner doesn't cost £60 pp, even a tenner would be a lot. Do they drink a lot and want you to cover costs of that? If you were to pay, you'd be within your rights to a) ask how they've calculated that and what it covers and b) have a certain amount of choice in choosing the food. I'm assuming it's not caviar and champagne! But £60 extra!
I have adult DC, and I would prefer to economise rather than ask them to contribute. I'm sorry, I think it's really sad that they won't provide Christmas dinner for a child.

Yeah nah. I'd spend Xmas with your boyfriend. If they can't afford to make a Xmas meal they should just skip it.

I don't think it's at all reasonable to expect someone who is still in full time education to contribute a penny to their "keep". Your parents will still be receiving child benefit for you until you are 19. That should be enough for them.

If you have to pay someone £60 for them to be willing to give you Christmas dinner, they probably don't like you that much. It doesn't cost £60 to plate up one more meal. I think you'd be best seeing which of your friends would be happy to have you, and offer their family a contribution towards food costs (not £60, that's too much. £20 would be fine. they will probably refuse to accept it, unless money is really tight)

Something's off about your parents. This is not normal. And also not right imho.

I can see that you're stuck though. Either you pay them, or you have Christmas elsewhere. But my bet is that they will be so angry at you 'thwarting' them in the second scenario that they might actually try to stop you coming home. Or they will make life really unpleasant for you.

Talk to college. Tell your tutor. Just in case things start to get nastier; they might, no matter what you do.

Very sorry this is happening to you.

This is child abuse. They can’t say pay board or live elsewhere. You’re a child! Social services would have to find foster carers for you. I would speak to someone in safeguarding at your college.
No it is not remotely normal to ask a child to pay enough for the entire Christmas dinner. I really feel for you. I’d go and stay at the friends house you mention.
Plus your parents will be receiving child benefit!

It is up to parents to provide for children until they leave full time education. They are nasty for charging you either for Christmas or board.

I'm really sorry you are described as 'a dead weight' - I want to send you a virtual hug!

No, a 16 year old in education should only be contributing to the household costs if that is literally the difference between having food on the table or not. For the vast, vast majority of people it is absolutely unacceptable.

Which country are you in OP? There are some cultural differences which can come in to play, though that doesn’t fundamentally change my answer.