Teenage pregnancy / issues with baby father

[fairydusty]

My daughter is 17 and pregnant, she is not in a relationship with the father.

They are both young and argue quite a bit over what will happen with the baby in the future. However my daughter has recently found out that he is selling drugs. He was giving her money to help get bits for the baby but since finding out the money is from drugs she has stopped accepting it.

she is now saying she doesn’t want him having anything to do with the baby and doesn’t plan on telling him when the baby arrives.

im torn here, I totally understand her not wanting someone who sells drugs around her and her baby and I am proud that she is taking this stance however she is cutting off his full family and saying none of them are going to be involved.

he also won’t be on the birth certificate as without him attending the appointment to register the birth he can’t be named on the birth certificate. So then the baby has unknown father on the certificate which also doesn’t feel right.

I am trying to support my daughter but I’m unsure about how to navigate all this!

I’d back your daughter about not letting him have contact however I do feel sorry for his parents, my mum was cut out her grandchildren’s lives after many years, they were teenagers and were not allowed to speak to their grandma due to their mum threatening them . (She had split from my brother due to addiction ) it’s a shame because my mum is an amazing grandma but not the children are in their 20s they are now rebuilding the relationship that heir mum forbade them from having.

'Baby father' - how old is he? three?

Jog on, nothing helpful to say. Shut up and get a life

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This.
Unless she moves abroad, where he cant find her.
The further the better.

OP, your daughter is 17. While you might think it’s hard on the wastrel father to cut out both him and his family, she is going to move on in her life, and it is to be hoped that eventually she will find a good man and have a relationship with his family. It might be easier all round for her to make a clean break, and your concern should be for your own DD, not the family of a drug dealer.

Does your daughter know the family and parents? Do you? Without knowing what they're like it is impossible to say if she is doing the right thing. If they are 100pc decent and will do whatever it takes to support their son and stop with the dealing, support supervised visits etc then it may ultimately be positive for them to be in the baby's life. If they are awful people, and the sons current behaviour is as a result of their shit parenting then she is making the right decision.

The birth certificate is neither here nor there though, he can apply to court for access, all they will do is a paternity test. Agree wirh PP if him and his family are so bad that you need to keep them away from your grandchild to keep them safe, then I would be moving (presuming he is from nearby where you live currently and knows where you live)

And you should be looking at it from your grandchild point of view, not the grandparents. Is contact with them for the best (if they even want it)

OP I really want to be kind to you but I think your 17 year old daughter is being as mature and responsible as she can be in dealing with her unplanned pregnancy. The boy's family are not her concern and should not be yours. She is excluding him for a reason. Maybe he will shape up and become worthy of being a father.

Alternatively maybe he will continue to be a drug dealer and impregnate some other young women, in which case his parents will have grandchildren aplenty!

Your daughter is being sensible. This isn't the time to go all "Be Kind" about a drug dealer and his relatives. This is the time for her to make decisions in the best interests of her unborn child. Not giving a drug dealer parental responsibility is a sensible precaution. Minimising a baby's exposure to a drug dealer and his family is also a sensible precaution. Their potential hurt feelings do not come higher than your grandchild's safety in the hierarchy of things to worry about.