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Ethical dilemmas

To stray or not to stray..

13 replies

HeadOverHeels100 · 03/10/2024 20:13

Married 16 years, 2 kids. Husband has never really floated my boat between the sheets. I’ve got a huge crush on a hot ex-work colleague, now school run dad. I think he might be up for something, when we recognised each other in the playground, we started talking, bit of intense eye contact where it feels like you’re the only 2 people in the world, accidental brushing of hands, some little compliments, that sort of thing. Then my sensible friend told me off for talking to him too much, even though it was him who always made a beeline for me. (Although admittedly only after I made sure I stood where he’d have to walk past me. He didn’t have to stop and talk though).
Anyway, I backed right off and now he barely talks to me at all but I’m harbouring a massively intense crush on him that I can’t seem to stop. I feel like he’s the man I possibly should have married.
He still double takes when he spots me and there’s been some definite lingering eye contact again lately. I’m polite and say hello, but I’m careful not to purposefully get into his vicinity.
Will I regret it if I stay the course in my marriage, complete with it’s mundane functional sex, knowing I could’ve had what might just turn out to be the hottest sex of my life with this beautiful man? It seems like such a missed opportunity. I’m 48, still got a decent sex drive but I’m aware that it probably will dwindle in the coming years.

It’s wrong though isn’t it. We’re both married with kids. The fallout would be massive if it happened and we got found out.
Anyone else experienced this ethical dilemma? This must be really common, surely?!

OP posts:
JanefromLondon1 · 03/10/2024 20:56

Or he could be shit in bed and you've ruined your marriage and upset your kids lives for nothing, maybe check with his wife. She'll be able to let you know.

HeadOverHeels100 · 03/10/2024 21:07

Yeah you’re right. This stupid crush is wrecking my head. I can’t think straight. Cheers for being direct. I needed that.

OP posts:
evrey · 10/10/2024 12:00

You feel flattered, i understand that. But absolutely do not wreck 2 families over this crush.

MrsSunshine2b · 10/10/2024 12:08

This is a fantasy and should stay where it belongs, in your head. He's not "the man you should have married", he's a man you've developed a crush on because you're bored in your marriage. If your marriage isn't working, fix that, rather than throwing a grenade into two families.

MrsSunshine2b · 10/10/2024 12:11

(P.S.- This is not an ethical dilemma. There is no ethical argument for why you should cheat on your husband with a married man.)

HeadOverHeels100 · 11/10/2024 19:36

Thank you @MrsSunshine2b and @evrey
Of course I’m not going to wreck 2 families, I’m not that insane. I just actually wondered how common this sort of feeling was tbh.
It is sort of an ethical dilemma though isn’t it? As in, it would be ethical to do the right, moral thing and unethical to do the wrong but tempting thing. The classic angel and devil on each shoulder, no? I’m only human, and just was looking for some… I don’t know, comfort maybe? That other people have this crappy, I’m missing out on life feeling because I’m being well behaved. Just midlife crisis I suppose!
I've seen sense anyway.

OP posts:
SimpleThings101 · 11/10/2024 19:43

Yes. It’s wrong!
Don’t do it! 🤷🏼‍♀️

SquatWeightaMinute · 11/10/2024 19:46

he is not the man you should have married unless you want to be married to a pig with a roving eye….. if they will cheat with you they will cheat on you!

Aside from that have some morals of your own, for your children’s sake if nothing else. If your marriage is unsatisfactory end that in a decent way. Don’t screw up two sets of kids.

PansyPolly · 11/10/2024 19:47

Do other people have massive crushes whilst married?(aka crappy missing out on life feeling) - Yes

Do some of them act on them? Yes
Can that lead to massive fallout? Also yes

Pyjamatimenow · 11/10/2024 19:50

You have way too much time on your hands if you’re thinking about this. It’s ridiculous.

HeadOverHeels100 · 11/10/2024 21:14

@Pyjamatimenow i don’t actually! I have no time to be thinking about this, I don’t want to be thinking about this! It’s just that he’s so often in my line of sight on a daily basis and I haven’t found a way to get him out of my head. I just have to wait it out until he’s physically nowhere near me and I can put this behind me and concentrate on what I should be concentrating on ie family and work. Like I said, I’m only human. Just came here to air out some thoughts because there’s no way I’m prepared to actually talk to real life friends about it like some starry eyed teenager.

OP posts:
HeadOverHeels100 · 11/10/2024 21:16

Thank you for all the replies, it’s actually helped focus my mind. I’m deleting the post now and shutting down my Mumsnet account to get on with actual life.

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 11/10/2024 21:22

Leave the marriage but not for this man. Don't sacrifice sexual satisfaction for someone who isn't worth it.

#regrettingMarryingMyUselessInTheSackHusband. Thank fuck I've divorced him and get to shag someone much better.

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