Annoying neighbour

[KristyG]

Looking for advice about neighbours next door..

The retired couple next door to us are very friendly to chat to and love to be helpful such as taking our bins in. However, since I’ve had my baby 3 months ago I’ve been getting very upset and frustrated and unsure what to do.

The wife has started coming to my door almost every second day wanting to chat and see the baby since he was born in June. she is coming round at different times in the day and several times has made the baby cry hysterically as her knock makes the dog bark and wakes him up when I’ve finally got him to sleep. What annoys me more is I am deliberately never answering the door now and she still comes round. I also can’t even put rubbish in the bin in my garden as she shouts on me through the fence. Everyday now I am tiptoeing out to the car and driving the opposite way into the street so I don’t pass her house. I know I have made this a bigger deal in my head but I am a new mum and I feel my space is invaded and there’s no getting away from her. My boyfriend says I should go round to her house so I’m seeing her on my terms but I have no interest in going round and feel I shouldn’t take time out of my day to entertain someone who is overstepping boundaries? Maybe I’m being selfish there? Just don’t know what to do!

I Appreciate loneliness is a terrible issue amongst older people but she still has her husband, they go abroad regularly with friends and often have their grandchildren staying. The husband isn’t much better and last week came right up to me in the driveway while I put my baby in the car to ask me who’s car it was at my house earlier that morning!?

Tell the woman that much as you appreciate her interest, the knocking is waking the baby and she's disturbing her routine. However, if you're passing, you'll pop in.

As for the man in the drive, you're on your way to an appointment and are late.

If you can’t tell her, please leave her a note saying that you think it’s lovely that she cares, but you are trying to settle baby through teething etc and you would prefer it if she didn’t drop around until you and baby are more settled and rested. (Maybe when he gets his drivers Licence…🤪)

Personally I would say something along the lines of "sorry I couldn't answer the door yesterday. Baby was napping and I didn't want them to wake. That's my only chance to catch up on rest/chores etc" and then let her know you will bring the baby round to hers when you can

Put a sign on your door saying please don't knock baby sleeping or something similar that might put her off and if anything is said just state its not just for them it's for deliveries etc

I would explain politely that they shouldn’t knock on your door because of sleep routines.

I don’t think they are being unreasonable or there is any way to prevent them from chatting to you on your driveway etc. I would just stop and say hello and move on. Try to reframe the way you think about it because the way you are perceiving it is an invasion is not working well for you (even though I appreciate you can’t help the way you feel).

I second @Tara336 polite sign on the door for deliveries x

A Do Not Disturb, Baby Sleeping notice on the door?

Thank you, I know, I have built a lot of it up in my head just need to establish boundaries

i don’t think that you have built a lot up in your head. They’ve become a nuisance, albeit unintentionally. It’s manageable as others have suggested but don’t belittle the difficulties that you have experienced

We did have a sign on the door. Baby sleeping. It did work!! But 1 day when your little cherub is a ransacking toddler you may be glad of that chat over the fence. Have a word but don't hold against them they like their neighbours!!. When I was a sahm with 4 under 7 our ndn chatted endlessly about what the dc were up to. It was a delight to have someone take an interest in them. Ils lived 3 streets away yet Nellie knew them better. Never went in each other's houses. Relationship via back door over fences only.

As above - fundamentally they sound like nice people who are just being friendly and taking an interest. In future they may be helpful babysitters (I appreciate you probably can’t imagine leaving your baby with anyone else now, but in a few years that time will come). You just need to make clear to them when is and is not helpful for them to call round.

“Sorry I couldn’t answer the door Suzie, the baby was sleeping and she always wakes up when I pop outside. But Tuesdays about 3pm is normally a good time for a quick chat.”

4 quid on Amazon -

RED OCEAN Shh.. Baby Is Sleeping Do Not Disturb Nursery Hanging Plaque Baby Door Cot Sign amzn.eu/d/huYicRq

Amazing!!! Thank you

This is the most gentle way to tell her.

“Never went in each other's houses. Relationship via back door over fences only.”

This is very important.
Don’t be tempted to “drop in” or encourage her to do the same. You will regret it.

“Seldom set foot in your neighbour’s house— too much of you, and they will hate you.”
Proverbs 25:17

“ … my only chance to catch up on rest/chores etc" and then let her know you will bring the baby round to hers when you can”

Way, way too much “explaining”

Don’t say any of this and NEVER go round to hers.

Least said the better.

A little note on the door is all you need.
“Please don’t knock, baby needs to nap”

Choose your boundaries, state then and stick to them
Its ok to say “I’d prefer to pop into yours when I’m free” and never go round
Its ok to say “I’m sorry, my life is crazy right now with a new baby, can I let you know as and when we are more settled”
Its ok to say “I’m trying to get baby into a routine, and a new baby is always a visitor magnet. Would you mind if we set a specific day and time every week/ every fortnight for you to pop in”.
Its ok to say “pretty much anything you want to”, just try and keep it polite because you’ll be living next to them for a while to come yet, and one day you’ll be old and possibly lonely as well.

I had a neighbour like this and I wish I’d have seen it coming and / or established some boundaries. I feel for you. I agree with other posters. I hope you can find the courage to set boundaries, as what she’s doing is not ok.