Still regret abortion 18 months after

[cherie01]

Hi

I found out 18 months ago I was pregnant with my 3rd child. I was 37 and my children at the time were 12 and 9. Same partner we have been together 15 years.

Never planned a 3rd and when we found out both of us didn't want another child. There were many reasons.

1. our children were older didn't want to go back to nappies etc 2)I get really bad sickness throughout pregnancy and I am already very slim
2. just honestly didn't really want a baby.

Took the pill just before 7 weeks. At first I didn't really overthink it and felt I had made the right decision. Fast forward a year and it's all I can think about. It consumes my every thought. I want the baby back so badly it hurts. How could I be so selfish? How could I take my children's baby brother or sister away from them?

Am now feeling extremely broody but am 38 now and feel like it's too late. Also partner still definitely does not want another child. Baby would've been 1 last week and I just feel I would've loved bing a mum again and all the reasons I mentioned did not matter.

Please help x

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way.
You made the decision that you felt was right for you and your family at the time, that's not selfish at all.

Can you access some counselling to talk it through?

Xx

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. The anniversary of what would have been your baby's birthday is likely make it so much harder. I think you can only remind yourself that you made the decision you felt was best at the time and accept that. Maybe some professional help to get there would help?

Thank you for replies
I did speak to someone on the phone but afterwards I felt drained and worse so I cancelled the next appointment. Maybe I should just give it more time.

I just feel nothing they say can ever make me feel better and stop me hating myself.

Xx

I wonder sometimes if there is enough counselling prior to terminating a pregnancy. A significant amount of women live with a lifetime of regret and what ifs. Only you can make the decision as to whether or not another pregnancy is the way to go, but be aware that it would not take away your current sorrow over what might have been. You need to find a way of being at peace with your decision - I hope you find it.

You made your decision based on what you knew and how you felt at that time, so it was the right choice for you then. Be kind to yourself, we can't know how we will feel further down the line. Maybe try counselling, sometimes it can feel hard initially but that's because you are processing difficult emotions.

You did the right thing at the time, please don't have another baby to replace it won't help. I had a termination over 20 years ago and still feel guilty now and again

The Lord can forgive you. Seek a good Christian ministry where people will pray for you and help you to lay your baby to rest, receive His forgiveness and start to heal.
God bless you xxx

At 37 and only 7 weeks you don't know what would have happened.

I would definitely recommend face to face counselling if you can arrange this, it can take some time to start seeing the benefits from it but speaking to an understanding person should really help.

Equally you could've continued, and now be posting about how much you regret it, it's not great with your older kids ages, feel trapped, partner resentful. Swings and roundabouts. You did what was right at the time, and this feeling will pass.

I think you made the right decision for everyone in your family including yourself. But I also think you sound a loving mum so it's never going to fully sit right with you I think it's normal to be mourning this loss and feeling some
Regrets. Be kind to yourself for what it's worrh I think you did the right thing x

I understand. Counselling may help you. I think it has for me although it’s early days. Do it sooner rather than later if you can. I’ve left it way too long.