I’m not sure how to word this without sounding like a heartless bitch but I’m really bringing myself down about it and need advise from people who don’t know the situation.
My DD is essentially terminally ill with an illness brought on by smoking and never trying to give it up. It’s made me anxious and worried for the last 16 years of my life - always worrying something is going to happen to him, especially when I don’t live near anymore. Because of this, he isn’t able to work as much and both parents are self employed so it affects their income. My DS isn’t helping as she went through a period of drug addiction and it destroyed our family mentally. That is hopefully all over but it still affects us and we worry that she could fall back into it.
We are a close family and I have a great relationship with them - I know they would do anything for me and I would them. I see them as often as I can and we have a nice time together. I am especially close to my DM and she knows I am anxious about things but she always says she is fine. She also knows I would give her any money if they needed it but I try not to mention it too much in case I offend.
However, I feel like my family are in a crappy situation with financies and health and I’m in my own little bubble away from them with a great husband, great life and admittedly, my only problem at the moment is where do I go on holiday. But I am not happy - I feel guilty as anything and It’s made me a recluse in regards to never sharing my happiness and successes. I don’t use social media and don’t ever openly offer information on what I’m getting up to or anything personal as I don’t want to make anyone feel bad if, maybe they couldn’t do it.
i know this is no way to live but i am - I am racked with guilt with how good my life is when my family aren’t having the best of times. I feel like they don’t tell me stuff because they don’t want to put me down but it makes me feel worse. It’s got to the point that I almost resent them because their life choices have caused me to hide my successes and happiness because I don’t want them to feel jealous or sad. I have thoughts of cutting them completely because I hate this feeling and it would stop if they weren’t there but that makes me feel like the worst person ever for even thinking that. They love me and I love them - I’m just so over feeling guilty and ashamed for what I have.
I don’t know how to get out of this vicious circle of wanting to say F*ck it, I want to live my life to feeling like I want to hide and play down all the good things I have.
Im just feeling incredibly down at the moment so any advice would be great.