There's no doubt, I have a very loving, generous mother, who ( as she frequently reminds me) has "sacrificed her needs and life to make sure my life was better than hers. "
Although I do appreciate her kindness and love, she can also exhibit the very opposite. She's been consistent with her controlling nature, often employing emotional manipulation to control my actions... as I've got older, wiser, I've had to learn ways to protect myself from her behaviours .Ive tried talking about how she makes me feel, but there's no getting through to her because she finds a ways to turn it around so SHES the victim and that I look ungrateful or rude etc. also, there's never an apology... but a few days later she will try to win my affection by trying to buy me something etc.
anyway... over that past few years my mental health has declined, and I currently struggle with social situations and anxiety about driving. I have a supportive partner and my mental health is calmer now since I have a beautiful dog who is always with me.
My world outside of my home has changed drastically and I don't do many of the things I used to . I'm currently working on it with therapy.
I was just cuddling my dog today, saying partly to the dog and partly out loud to mum, that I thought she was a good dog, and expressed how much she was loved by me and that I valued her company more than ever .
My mum let out an unsympathetic sigh and said in a derogatory tone " oh please.... get a life ! "
Just because I expressed affection towards my dog!
I calmly asked how she thinks I could have a better life?
Response was that I should get out more, have more hobbies, and suggested activities that I used to do that at the moment I'm too poorly to do.
I was left feeling useless, unable, full of added anxiety and it just highlighted all the things that were wrong currently with my lifestyle but I'm slowly working on in my own ways.
I felt a lack of understanding and empathy. Like a hit to the stomach .
I asked why would she say such a thing to me??
Apparently at some time ( probably years ago) I had used that phrase to her which she's obviously not forgotten, so she felt that it was an appropriate response to "tit for tat" back at me, right at a moment when I'm at my lowest ebb, feeling fragile for a number of emotional events that have occurred this last few years.
I calmly said I felt I did have a life... but just a different one from the old me.
I tried also to explain how I was unable to do the things she suggested and how that actually made me feel more upset about my disability.
I've come home this afternoon feeling low.
I love my mum dearly, and for all the good things in gratful... but I don't feel that those actions are a reasonable excuse for her to then talk to me the way she does.
I've had a life time of this kind of behaviour and pain, but I really do feel emotionally exhausted, and I just don't want to keep dreading the next " fall out " with her and how it will all end. I'm also fed up of forgiving the behaviours just because it's a parent. What do I do!