I told a lie when I was 8 years old.....and it's eating me up...

[NCforthisone12]

I told a stupid lie to my parents when I was 8 years old.

It was regarding an ailment / synptom which required lots of medical investigation and time of school. It caused great stress to my family.

I kept the lie going for a good few months and honestly.... I simply don't know why I did it. I had a happy, stable childhood with no reason to cry for help or do something like this. Eventually one day I just said it was better and everyone was relieved.

I think I just made it up one day for a bit of attention and then didn't know how to get out of it.

Anyway I'm now well into my adult like (35) and it eats me up. I feel so guilty. Sometimes my family talk about it and how worrying it was and I just feel so terrible.

I've considered telling them but I just feel it would be so hurtful to them. I don't think I could.

What should I do? Is this a normal child behaviour? Anyone else had any similar experiences?

Honestly I think you sound like a lovely person, anyone with no empathy or care wouldn’t give it a second thought.

You were 8! Everyone tells lies when they’re little for attention, it’s just part of growing up. Unfortunately yours did escalate (although what were the drs doing if they couldn’t tell straight away, was there anything wrong with you?)

I really think you should try and let it go if you can, and just put it down to being a kid. I’m positive plenty of people have done far worse things.

There’s no point bringing it up now, it would cause chaos and doesn’t help anyone.

@Queijo

Honestly thankyou so much for taking the time to write this. I felt myself relax reading your words.

I'm going to try and let it go. Thankyou

I think you are being unnecessarily hard on yourself. You were a child. You didn't kill anyone or accuse anyone of some sordid abuse when they were innocent. Do you think they would react badly if you told them the truth? I don't know the dynamics and if this would make you feel better. It could make things difficult depending on what your parents are like.

I personally believe there is often a reason for everything a child does. Your guilt tells me you aren't an unpleasant narcissist or manipulative adult. I imagine you may have been wanting attention you weren't getting, you may have been hating school. We have a good ability to block difficult feelings from childhood right out of our minds I realised.

So just forgive yourself. You would have done it for a reason and it really is no Biggie in the grand scheme of ' bad' behaviour as a kid.

Maybe get a diary (lock it) and write about what happened, how you now feel about it, just to get it out your system.

@Pantaloons99

Thankyou so so much for your kind words.

I will definitely try writing and processing the feelings I'm holding on to from it.

Let it go OP. Thankfully you are healthy and well, and you were just being a child and doing what children do .

I think I just made it up one day for a bit of attention and then didn't know how to get out of it.

Yes, I can imagine this! It snowballed. You were only eight. You got yourself into a situation that became much bigger and more serious than you could have dealt with - because you were eight!

Please don’t let this eat you up. My DS is 9. Pretty much exactly a year ago - so when he was 8 like you were - he started complaining of strange visual symptoms. I was very stressed and worried at the time and we went to the doctors, the opticians, nothing was found. It very suddenly went away on its own 😏 looking back I think it was all fabricated. No idea why! He also has a very stable family life. Apparently it’s common around that age.

You dont have to have suffered some awful abuse to feel sad or lonely as a child and maybe your lie was a way for 8 year old you to have some attention that you felt you needed at the time. Your feelings at the time were perfectly valid. You were a kid! I'd let this completely go now, there is no point in setting the record straight. It's in the past so forgive yourself and move on. At the time you did not know any better how to meet your needs and now you do so its not like you're going to do it again.

Forgive yourself. Forgive 8 year old you. x

There was a thread on here recently about terrible things people did when they were kids. It was brilliant and very informative for those of us whose kids are still v young! I told an absolute whopper when I was a similar age, admittedly with less drastic effects, but I too still think about it now and cringe at myself doing something so brazenly immoral. Still, that’s what a lot of kids seem to do and we still turn into decent adults. Really, forget about this OP. I agree with PP that it wouldn’t do any good to bring it up now.

You were eight. I think we all learned around that age, that telling what seemed like a small lie could actually snowball out of control. I certainly remember panicking when a small lie ended up with all sorts of consequences.

Honestly, put it behind you. I'm sure it's absolutely normal*. Telling them would only upset them all over again, and surely you don't want that? It's fine. You're fine.

• I think we also need to bear this in mind when they're are threads where people say 'children don't lie about....'. Sometimes they do. Lying is pretty normal at that age. And sometimes the repercussions are way more serious than in OP 's case.

I said I had hit my head and was seeing double and was taken to A&E and I was making it up. I have tried to confess but my parents don’t even remember! No idea why I did it. I wasn’t very happy at school so wonder if it was that. I can’t advise you as to whether you should confess but just want you to know you weren’t alone!

Just forget about it. If you really want to say something, when it's next brought up just say that looking back you don't think it was as bad as you made out at the time. But I don't think I'd bother now!

I did something similar.

Only for a couple of months and I am pretty sure my teacher at the time suspected - they always gave me a funny look whenever I had one of my 'stomach pains'.

I am pretty sure if I mentioned it to my mum, she won't remeber any of it - but it must have been fairly worrying at the time.

I also had a lovely childhood but have always struggled to express me feelings, so I wonder if it was a 'safe' way to explore telling people I felt bad about something.

Ah well.

You've told us. You've done your telling. Be kind to yourself and let it go. It was eight months. Not eight years.

Honestly OP, forgive yourself and let it go. Kids do sometimes tell porkies, it's unfortunate that yours snowballed like that but you were EIGHT.

My father, as a small boy of a similar age, told everyone at school that he was born over international waters on a plane journey between the United Kingdom and the USA. He was born in Basingstoke. My grandmother was completely baffled when his friends' mothers started saying how amazed they were by the story of his birth.

If it makes you feel better, I wouldn't negatively judge my own kid for something like this. I'd give him a firm talking to about telling the truth but I'd be more worried about why he felt the need to make up something like that and whether something was troubling him. You sound like a lovely person and don't deserve to keep feeling bad about something you did as a young child.

OP, your conscience tells us a lot about your morals now as an adult, you wouldn't do something like this as a grown-up. Forgive yourself like you'd forgive another 8 year old child. Kids do daft things for all sorts of reasons. Be kind to yourself!

Your lie didn't implicate anyone else so there is no moral imperative to come clean. I wouldn't mention it. But if it comes up again would consider fessing up but that depends on family dynamics - there might be a good reason you haven't yet, and it might still stand. If you think it will cause hassle, keep schtum. Least said, soonest mended!

That thread was an eye-opener!! And made me feel way better about something I did as a child which was a bit mean but seriously wasn't that big of a deal.

I'm quite a bit older than you @NCforthisone12 and you reminded me of an experience from primary school and what I ended up thinking about it.

My family went through some difficult bereavements and other stresses in my early years. When I was in the juniors, not sure of my exact age, I told a story that was partly based on something I'd read I think and partly on wishes and fears. I'm not sure now who I told, maybe friends or a teacher. I was definitely looking for kind and sympathetic attention.

Years later, perhaps when I was about your age I was very bothered by the idea I had lied about something serious but eventually I came to a very different perspective.

It is factually correct to remember I told a story which wasn't based on what an adult would see as objective reality. But in some emotional or psychological way I was expressing some real feelings of distress. I wasn't trying to get anyone in trouble or cause a problem. It wasn't a 'lie' to get something I shouldn't have had.

It's ok for a child who is having some internal difficulties to express that as best they can and get adult attention and care - including medical care!

It took quite a long time before I changed my perspective on what had happened and stopped judging myself harshly. These days I have a lot of compassion for the little girl I was.

Nowadays when your family say how worrying a time it was you might be able to truthfully say 'I'm so glad there wasn't anything awful wrong. I still don't really understand that whole experience but I'm really thankful you were there for me'

@BeanWriting

Thankyou so much for sharing it. It's been amazing reading these replies.

You're absolutely right and correct with everything you said. I am going to practice compassion and forgiveness towards 8 year old me.

I pretended I needed my appendix taken out when I was nine. My upbringing from the age of seven was very unstable and I probably wanted attention. I spent five days in hospital and loved it.

@Berlinlover thanks for sharing this! Bless us all, I never knew how common this childhood lies are!!

Did you ever admit the truth? Or like me, still carrying it

I expect they would laugh!

One of my DC told all their friends that I had a brain tumour and was going to die, having spotted all the attention another child had received in similar circumstances. Said DC is a grown adult and a parent now and we often laugh about it. Kids do weird things for no apparent reason sometimes - they are just testing the water.

One friend's child faked the responses to an eye test as they wanted to wear glasses as they thought they looked trendy.

Honestly - it really is OTT in a very big way for you still to be worrying about this. Let it go!

@NCforthisone12 I admitted to my brother. My mother died when I was ten and my father who passed away in 2016 had serious mental health issues all his life so I didn’t see any point in telling him.

Yup definitely forgive 8 year old and let it go

I did something I consider much worse as a kid, took some therapy to accept I did something bc I was a child, in response to feelings and circumstances I was having... grown up me wouldn't have put folk through it - I had no idea about the consequences of my actions at the time... I'm just a kid and nobody spotted the real reasons that led to it

Seeking attention is a very normal childhood behaviour and especially sickness being faked ...