I have a truly awful toxic family. DM and DB toxic beyond belief with DM enabling the behaviour of DB and me left as the family emotional punchbag. DB has always been the golden one. Can do no wrong, can treat DM like rubbish. I'm left exhausted after contact with them but stupidly keep trying. I know neither will ever change - counselling 10 years back taught me that.
Both absolutely hate my DH and want me to leave him to move closer to them. I'm about 4 hours away and won't be moving. This has been ongoing for a long time. DH and myself have been together nearly 30 years and he's more than aware my family would like to split us up. As a result we try very hard to make sure that doesn't happen.
Now both of them are facing cancer. DM seems quite pleased as she has wanted to die for 25+ years.
They are using illness to get what they want. Trying to guilt me into moving near them to run around after them and ultimately look after them when they get sick. I realise I'm being selfish but I can't do it, I reckon I would last less than a day of being verbally abused and shouted at and that's based on when they are well. I've been told I'm useless, selfish, worthless and a lot worse far too often. DM becomes 1000 times worse when sick. DB is morose but very shouty. I'm scared of him. I don't think he'd be physically abusive but he's put fists through multiple walls so don't wish to find out!
So why why why do I feel so damn guilty? I get nothing but nastiness from my family. I'm under no illusion they will ever change. I've learned over the years that trying to fix things or bail them out is pointless. Now I don't try to intervene or fix stuff, I listen and let them vent and rant which can be incredibly mentally taxing. I've only ever tried to be a decent human being. I don't play evil games with people like they do. If they were friends I'd have broken off all contact long ago yet I keep returning for more.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Ethical dilemmas
Toxic family members with cancer - why so much guilt?
7 replies
macdui · 06/02/2024 13:11
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.