How to not be flirty

[dontwanttoflirt]

I don't know how this question will come across but I thought mumsnetters experience and wisdom would be helpful. Yes really - what is flirty behaviour? So I can avoid it!

I have realised recently that a lot of how I talk is actually flirty! I am introverted and quiet mostly but kind of goofy and not outgoing at all so it's a big mismatch I think.

I have come across YouTube videos in which it was randomly mentioned, the girl is flirting and I didn't think it was flirty at all because I do those things all the time.

Example laughing at man's jokes, laughing when a man speaks at random things, just being vulnerable generally.

Oh god I am so embarrassed to think I was coming across as flirty when I had no such intentions. Men I respect and want to have good professional relationship and not want them to think I am giving signals!! Yes I have been getting unwanted attention and now I wonder if it's because of that. I am early thirties in settled relationship

Someone please tell me what is flirty and how to be not flirty?? Bring it on, I will accept any comments even if harsh as long as they are helpful!

Why are you ‘laughing when men speak at random things?’ And do you laugh at women’s jokes? What I mean is, do you generally laugh easily, or is it only men that you feel the need to laugh at? If so, just stop. Don’t laugh when men say random things. Laugh when a person (male or female) makes a good joke or says something funny. Otherwise (if you’re laughing at random things someone is saying) it does come across like an attempt at flirting or trying to get attention.

I’d ask your mates.

Thank you for your responses!

@Kanaloa Well yes I laugh at women's jokes too, I actually like to have a laugh and yes I genuinely find it funny! I think most people don't laugh at small things but I do really find little things entertaining.

Maybe because I am introverted and do little mingling, whatever little I do, I tend to take the most out of it lol 🤦🏻‍♀️

But yes I guess simple answer is just don't laugh! That will take effort from me but I don't want to send off wrong signals for sure. Social decorum must be maintained!

@Theos Hmm not many mates but yeah, still you have any advice to not come across as flirty!?

No advice, only empathy. I’m told that I’m flirty when it’s the last thing on my mind - I think I’m being pleasant and engaging in conversation. I laugh at things that are funny (including my own jokes) 🤷‍♀️

Just keep it professional.

Honestly don't worry about it, don't change your behaviour. If you're not flirting then you're not. You're allowed to be friendly and laugh.

Thank you all, that's good to read 😊

There's this scene in the movie "what women want" where the leading lady tells the man (can't remember their names), a friendly, personal comment when they are discussing a business idea in her office. Then she immediately thinks to herself "I can't believe I am flirting" (and he can read her mind). I thought it's just polite friendly conversation? Unless it's uk and us cultural differences perhaps!

Also in "the age of adaline". The guy Ellis is trying to woo Adeline initially and she finally laughs while they are walking somewhere which was meant to show he was winning her over finally.

Really got me thinking!

I am flirty as well, it's natural for me and I am not forcing myself to flirt.
When I was trying to figure this out, I asked people about myself. Men say I am warm, open (in a good meaning), a good listener and I make people feel important and accepted and that they feel a strong feminine energy from me. So altogether they take it as flirt. But that's just who I am and I don't even think I need to change 🤷🏼‍♀️

My ex used to think someone was flirting with him if they were standardly pleasant when serving him in a shop (they really were not) just be yourself. I used to laugh a lot as a teenager as a bit of a defense mechanism/standard reaction when I was ill at ease (most of the time). I'm a miserable peri menopausal bint now.