Hi,
My family have been publicly humiliated and hurt, and I need to share.
My husband has been a youth football manager with our local club for over three years, since the team was created. I was on the committee for four years and we know everyone there very well and thought of some of them as our friends. During our time with the team, my husband had never even disagreed with a parent and never had a problem. We made all kids feel equal, did lots of lovely things to list their confidence etc, as my eldest son was never treated well in his team. Everybody was lovely and we were like family. One of these parents was one of my best friends and she loved us and kept saying how much her kids loved my boys etc. We went out socially, and even took her youngest son to a theme park with us not long before it all changed. One day, during a football match, she said that she wanted to talk to my husband as her son is uncomfortable with his weight as he keeps pulling down his shirt. This is a constant subject for her to talk about and I’m not sure if this is more about her guilt or him feeling uncomfortable. I told her we didn’t have time to talk to her after the game as we were already 20 minutes late for my other sons match, but she was determined to talk to him regardless. As we were packing up and quickly trying to walk away, she carried on about it and my husband said “there’s a fat kid, a slim kid, a small kid and kids of all different abilities”and was trying to put the point across about it being okay whoever they were and that football is for everyone. He looked at me and he struggled to find the right word for ages before saying the word fat. He shouldn’t have said the word and he didn’t actually call him fat, but he was talking to her like a close friend exactly as he had for three years, and wouldn’t have said the same thing to a different parent. She laughed so hard like it was joke and the chat lasted no more than two minutes.
Id messaged her afterwards and a couple of days later, she responded and said she was shocked as it’s not like him, but she loves us, we are great friends and he is kind and thoughtful. Our husbands had a chat at training and she said we should never mention it again. So we didn’t and I didn’t respond, but to us it was so trivial and we had several major things going on in our lives that she knew nothing about, so we didn’t do anymore. Two weeks prior to this we all went to a water park and my husband went round with him cause he allegedly felt uncomfortable which she found incredibly sweet. It is all hearts and flowers or hate and daggers in her eyes and nothing in between.
Two weeks later, she was at a football match and told the parents that I must be really embarrassed about it as I wasn’t there and she started going round the parents telling them he called her son fat, that he was always late for matches and moaning that their new kit hadn’t arrived yet, so where was their money. The parents knew she was gaslighting and as they had been with us since day one, they knew it was false. That night, she emailed the child welfare officer of the football club with these three complaints. My husband was emailed with three bullet points and was asked to comment. The committee were our friends too, and usually they ask you to come in and meet to discuss a complaint. My husband answered the bullet points and went in for a meeting and was told he was fired, without hearing what she had written and said he had broken the code of conduct. He had evidence he had purchased the kit with him and they didn’t ask him to speak or show anything, they just wanted him gone. The chairman doesn’t like anyone who disagrees with him on anything, so I think it was partly that. He didn’t know what was written properly, wasn’t able to defend himself - they don’t even know to this day that she was our best friend and wanted to get revenge. She could have said anything, and it might not have been true! I think it would have been a bad email as she is a police officer who has dealt with child abuse cases before so knows what she is doing. Ironic that she has hated every coach both her sons have had because they get treated badly, except my husband!
After this, we had four emails from the chairman who wrote vicious emails demanding that we don’t respond to them and I was worried about my husband. We appealed to the FA but they said he hadn’t done anything wrong and not to worry about it, but they don’t get involved.
We we’re asked to stay away from training for a few weeks until it settled down, and then the kit arrived and we dropped it off to another parent. When the chairman saw that it wasn’t an official kit (or even a kit meant for training, as it was a gift to make them proud and confident to be in the team), we got another nasty email. He was angry and she was moaning that if my son returned then they would have to leave. My son was due to play his first game back, but the night before, we were told he couldn’t play as he hadn’t been at training, despite being told not to. They said I could bring him to watch so he could see his friends, but not my husband, but I took him to the home ground to find out later that day, that they changed venues on us. That evening, another email demanded we put the team funds left in the club account and provided a copy of the receipts for the kit, which we did. The next day, another email received said that because of my husbands behaviour, my son was thrown out of the club - he is 10! Not once have we spoken to a member of the committee, been able to tell our side or know what was said.
My mental health took a dramatic turn as we lost my friends, both best and committee friends, I wasn’t able to see my team friends, lost my social life around the club, our dignity and reputation. The accusations also claimed their were issues with finances, although I don’t know if she has called him a thief or the club, but this is now the slander going around the club. We have had to get a solicitor involved due to the nature of my husbands job and the theft allegations. We don’t know what our friends at the club have been told as they don’t speak to us just as it is a taboo subject. The parents know the club and her are talking rubbish but they have carried on for their children. The problem is, the solicitors are taking so long that it is 10 months later and we still have no idea what was in her email as they refuse to tell us or the solicitor. I feel like we have lost everything, and it has been horrible. It isn’t fair on my 10 year old son, and he wanted to play with his friends. I’m not sure he will play elsewhere now. And as the club is huge and so close in proximity, we feel that for the sake of our mental health, that it would be better if we moved somewhere else, so we don’t have that shadow over us.
Im not necessarily asking for advice, but more I feel the need to talk to someone as because there is a legal dispute pending, we are not able to tell anyone our side, in case it jeopardises it. I feel as they are having the big presentation day this weekend, for over 40 teams, that it’s so not fair knowing all these kids are getting trophies while my son was kicked out, when it wasn’t his fault. Yet none knows what horrible things the club has done.
I feel so low and yet no one wants to discuss it or get involved, and we don’t know what they’ve been told anyway. I just need some support and hear other people’s views on it.
Thank you, and sorry for the long post!