How do you stop comparing your life with others and enjoy what you have?

[BettyBoopBetty]

Just this really. Some days I am better at appreciating all the wonderful things I have in life but sometimes (often), I compare myself to others who have more, do more etc. It doesn’t help that, because of my job, I mostly deal with people who are much better off than me.
I wish I was strong enough to stop caring but I still have to do a lot of work to get over it. Anyone feels the same or used to be the same? How did you overcome it?

I feel the same, often at the school gate. It’s a private school, and although I am quite content with my lot, many of the parents are highly successful in their careers and very polished socially. My achievements are more modest and I find it hard to do the social stuff.

I try to think ‘mindfully’ about it and to just be aware. It helps me to be more self-accepting.

Do you compare your life with people who have less than you or just those who have more than you?

Gratitude practice daily, exercise, allow the feelings when they come up.

I genuinely just don’t care what others think. If they’re my friends or family I might value their opinion and I would wish them the absolute best, but in general I live my life for me.

the one I have is pretty good. I have a husband I love, a house that is our home, and two kids who I’m pretty damn proud of. We’re not the richest by a long chalk, but we’re comfortable as we are.

beyond that I do what makes me happy. I celebrate what needs celebrating, and genuinely enjoy seeing my friends, family, and acquaintances thrive.

I’ce never really let outside influences curb me though. I learned by the age of 13 or so not to let others define my life.

I suppose your issue is comparing yourself to those who have more. I grew up with much less than I have now so I feel I have a lot. Have you considered maybe doing some volunteering? I can recommend food banks for volunteering, also you can volunteer with children with disabilities in many places. Sometimes it does the world of good to give back from what you have rather than always envying what you don’t.

I agree with the volunteering with those who have less which will give you a bit more balance and grounding.

I find social media causes this for me and a few days off Instagram/Facebook allows me to stop thinking about what others have x

I know what you mean, I used to work in pensions and I couldn't believe how well set up for their futures some people were.

I changed job and found that I didn't click with my colleagues even though the 'clientele' aren't half so well off.

I am trying to remind myself of what I am grateful for but it feels slightly like a eked out energy. Like I'm grateful for my house, yes I am. But it's tiny and shabby! I don't care what other people have but I want more for myself.

It bothered me that I am the least successful person in my generation of my family. Then I thought about all the things I would have missed out on if I had lived like my relatives.

Your last line struck a chord.

I don't want what others have or begrudge them that. But I want more for me and my loved ones.

Easy for me… I tell myself, ‘ok, if you’re unhappy then you get to roll a dice and swap lives with another random woman of your exact age on this planet.. you don’t get to chose which country, what the loving standards are like, whether you live alone, or what the people are like around you, it’s all totally random.. just picked up and dropped down- would you swap?’ And then I begin to think of all the reasons I want to stay in my life and I just don’t worry any more.
Ill run through the same scenario if I’m in hospital where I get to swap situation with another random patient…
so far I’ve always picked my life.
hope I’m never in a situation where I decide the swap is better!

I think the issue here is friends. Do you have many real friends?

Do you feel like the people around you have more than you, and you can never really support each other like you would with ppl who are economically/socially your match?

The happiest I've been is when I had next to nothing, surrounded by many people just like me, who I felt close to and trusted.

Ask yourself if you're willing to do whatever it takes to have those things.... extra studies,extra work ,put up with x,y,z etc.

I'm not , so while it would be nice to have , it wouldn't be worth the effort. That helps when I (rarely) feel like you do.

I don't compare myself or my situation with others. Instead I look around my life and look for the positive things. I was chatting to dFS today and told him when I look back in 20 years time I think my happiest memories will be of him playing cricket and taking wickets. This weekend looks like sunshine and he has a 50 Over match on Saturday taking about 8 hours and a 35 over match on Sunday taking about 5 hours. We will take a picnic and a garden chair and a flask of coffee and really enjoy ourselves. He loves to play cricket and we love to watch and support him.

I've been on the bones of my arse before, but am thankfully in a better position financially. I can pay my bills, feed us and have a social life, but rather than be envious of those who have more than me, I'm grateful that I have what I have.

Can I ask how old you are, OP? Because I think this stops when you grow into yourself and stop caring what other people are doing.

Honestly, I am happy with my life.

My friend who puts all those happy pictures of her traveling and her child traveling around with her successful husband knows that their bank account is always on the red and that her husband is a cheating selfish bastard. Her son is horrible as well.

The aristocrats that live around the corner are lovely and rich, he does drugs and have an open marriage. Their children are like hooligans.

The headteacher who portrays herself as a model of virtue and spends her “free time” volunteering with the Samaritans is emotionally abusive to her own children and her teen is addicted to pornography.

Things like these make me understand that there are no better or worse people than me, we have different lives and different struggles.

Socially as a single divorced mother with a child with a number of disabilities I may look, according to stereotypes, at a disadvantage but I wouldn’t change my problems and challenges for theirs.

Everybody has their own battles, just make sure yours are worthwhile and stop comparing yourself to other people you know very little about.

Limit social media and only follow friends or people I genuinely enjoy seeing. I always remember that no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Everyone can put a happy face on. Comparison is the thief of joy

There is research that says keeping a gratitude journal changes the way your brain thinks. Get a little notebook and write down 3 things a day you are thankful for.

I also remind myself that I only see the life that people are choosing to present. Not the struggles that are going on behind closed doors

I don't really think about other people tbh, maybe I'm self-obsessed 😂 You can't know what someone else's life is like, you can only love yourself and be grateful to be alive. None of it matters really, in the end? You have to just be happy.

Honestly you sound totally normal but its the job thats makinf you feel like this?

Im a competitive person but happy with my lot but i couldnt work in a place where customers all much wealthier etc would make me feel miserable even if i didnt care eg sports cars or whatever. I dont want one but wouldnt want to work selling them to mega rich people