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Ethical dilemmas

DS is given lots of money. DD isn't

122 replies

Coffee999 · 10/04/2023 16:22

Hi, my son's godfather gives him £200 at Christmas and £200 for his birthday. He is 15.

My daughter, 8, has different god parents who give her a game, a book etc for Christmas and birthday.

Should we make/ask our son share this huge amount of money with his sister?

OP posts:

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mouse70 · 10/04/2023 16:23

NO

myheartmyhead · 10/04/2023 16:24

Absolutely not

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 10/04/2023 16:24

Absolutely not.

I cannot imagine the resentment this would cause.

Skybluepinky · 10/04/2023 16:24

Of course not.

rubyslippers · 10/04/2023 16:25

Absolutely not

Limetart · 10/04/2023 16:26

No.
Your ds is lucky but it’s his money.

Lastnamedidntstick · 10/04/2023 16:26

No.

I would however be inclined to top up your DD’s savings with similar amounts if you can afford it.

Lauram82 · 10/04/2023 16:28

No because that would be entirely unfair. I get that you want to make it fair for your daughter financially but it’s not your sons responsibility to share his gift (which is amazingly generous!), you likely wouldn’t be asking if it were a lesser amount. If anything I’d suggest you put aside a similar amount annually for your daughter if it’s affordable.

Beamur · 10/04/2023 16:30

Of course not.

Darkernights · 10/04/2023 16:32

As others said, you can’t ask your son to do that. It’s his money. If you can afford it, you can top up DD money.

Retrievemysanity · 10/04/2023 16:33

Of course not.

LaurieFairyCake · 10/04/2023 16:34

The problem is the priority we give to 'money' over other things

Are you asking the 8 year old to share the book and the game?

It's a good opportunity to instil value in what we are given and the intent behind them - if the book and game are thoughtful isn't thee lovely in its own right?

GobbieMaggie · 10/04/2023 16:37

No.

familyissues12345 · 10/04/2023 16:37

No way.

My DS's have different godparents. One of DS2's godmothers is saving up to give DS money to travel with when he's an adult - she has no children of her own and has a few godchildren who she saves the money for. No way would I expect DS to share this money with his brother

RaininSummer · 10/04/2023 16:39

That's bad luck but that's all it is. I hope your daughter doesn't look at her godparents differently since her brother's are so generous.

sassyduck · 10/04/2023 16:39

No. That would be very unfair of you.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 10/04/2023 16:40

No of course not. He’s lucky in this aspect; life isn’t fair sometimes. Who knows, maybe your dd in her future may benefit in some way from the godparents you have chosen for her. Leave it be.

GoldenGorilla · 10/04/2023 16:41

I give my godchildren money: if I ever found out the parents were making them share it, there would be no more money!

TheCentreSlide · 10/04/2023 16:42

This is a real problem. The unfairness will continue. When he’s 21 they could give him £1K. What then?

I think maybe have a rule that above a certain amount it gets shared.

gogohmm · 10/04/2023 16:43

No he shouldn't be made to share but should be strongly encouraged to save it for adulthood. With your other child being significantly younger you'll likely be in a stronger position to help her as she'll be your only child at home

AllIwantforChristmas22 · 10/04/2023 16:43

Of course not. She is 8, why does she need money now anyway?

Floralnomad · 10/04/2023 16:46

No . Why didn’t you use the same person for your daughter .

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AnotherForumUser · 10/04/2023 16:46

No. If you'd expected the same value of gifts from godparents you might have been better asking the same person to be godparent. Different people have different approaches and different budgets. The gifts are for the giftee and not for you to essentially steal because you perceive those different value gifts to be unfair. If I were your son's godfather and found out you were getting him to 'donate' his money to his sister I would start an account you couldn't get your mitts on and give it to him when he was an adult. You could top it up yourself if you are that worried.

GlitteryGreen · 10/04/2023 16:46

I wouldn't make him share it but depending on your relationship with the godfather I'd potentially have a word and ask him to give less and explain why.

I'm surprised at a lot of the responses here to be honest, even though they have different god parents surely both sets of godparents know OP's children the same? Even if I were godparent to one and not the other I'd never differentiate between their gifts to such an extent.

Legocurlers · 10/04/2023 16:47

I wouldn't be making them share. But I would be having a word with the godparents about whilst it is appreciated, it will potentially cause issues as the children get older.

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