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Ethical dilemmas

Should I cut mil out to stop violent ex contacting me??

7 replies

Singlemom8 · 28/11/2022 11:32

So I’ve got an ex who’s my children’s dad who was violent, abusive, stole from me, had addictions etc. the court order is that he can have access only at a supervised contact centre which he’s never bothered with. He didn’t see kids during covid but got in touch by getting my number off his mum who I’d kept in touch with (I’d changed my number previously because he was hassling me 20+times a day texting me etc.)
The problem is he hasn’t changed he threatened me with knife a few months back and the police were involved. My kids are now 14, 12 and 10 and don’t ask after him I think they’ve spent so much time without him and the older two May remember the DV?! I’m quite willing to not see him or communicate with him but I’m wondering should I cut ties with his mum as well, as he’ll use her to get to me. The kids are teenagers now so I figure in a few years they can make up their own minds. I’m actually gutted because I’d seen a job with the police but I haven’t passed the vetting at a higher enough level and they’ve said it’s basically because of him. I guess he’s seen as a threat plus although I have no criminal record he does and because I’ve been in touch with him quite recently. This is why I’m wondering should I block his mum out just to get him off my back and out of my life for good??

OP posts:
Fladdermus · 28/11/2022 11:40

Block her. She gave him you number and is therefore a danger to you and your children.

My MIL kept contact with me in similar circumstances to you. Hell would have frozen over before she'd have given her son any info on me and her granddaughter.

forrestgreen · 28/11/2022 11:57

Block, she put her ds wants over the safety of yours. Fair enough I suppose but she chose knowing there may be repercussions.
Maybe give her an email address that's just for her? That you can shut down easily if she passes it on.

oviraptor21 · 28/11/2022 12:02

Yes.

Mynoodlesareoodles · 28/11/2022 12:02

He threatened you with a knife and she passed on your contact details to him ffs. And he isn't interested in seeing the kids when he's had the opportunity anyway.

Hooverphobe · 28/11/2022 12:03

Yes. I have. Her loyalty will always be my ex and she even made excuses for him having illegal firearms in HER house!

Soothsayer1 · 28/11/2022 12:07

I think you should cut contact with his mum
unfortunately she is probably unable to see him objectively and will always hope that he can turn into the nice boy that he once was when he was about 5
As others have said even if she appears to be in your corner her first loyalty will always be with him and he will know that he can manipulate her and use her to damage you

Soothsayer1 · 28/11/2022 12:10

It might be worth keeping her at a distance but feeding her misinformation if it will help to get the badman off your back, however this could be a risky strategy which might backfire.
It may be best to just drop off of both their radars?

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