Hi, I am a 47 year woman married for 27 years. My husband is a good man, but an extremely busy one. Im a reasonably good looking woman, people often mistake me for a woman in her thirties. I have a daughter who is abroad working. I am a professor myself but quit my job once I turned 45. Presently I teach kids for free from home. I stay in Chennia, India.
My husband travels very frequently to Delhi on official trips and stays in a 5 star hotel . Since Im not working anymore, he takes me to these trips so I can enjoy the hotel stay. I started accompanying him from the last one year, post pandamic severity. Though I would do nothing sitting in the hotel, I would engage myself by working out, reading books etc that I couldnot do while I was raising my kid and working.
Since my husband has been going to the same hotel for over 3 years now, the entire hotel staff became close to him almost like a family. So when i started accompanying him every month for a week, slowly we all became close to each other and we would do small-talk etc., The entire hotel would respect us, love us for being such loyal clients.
Now, in this process of 'making friends' I came across the executive chef of the hotel who is extremely charming and appeared to be very caring and respectful. Husband and I loved him a lot, the man too would show great admiration towards us. I would hardly spoke to him directly, always asked what I wanted through my husband never directly with the chef. but I admired his hardwork, extreme passion towards his woek and would often say to my husband.
After almost 6 months of my visit to the hotel, on one of my visits, I received a bunch of goodies from the exec chef with a note saying that he would be happy to cook anything special I needed. This is normally done to all guests so I thanked him on whats app( took number from my husband) saying how much happy I was. To my surprise, the chef replied saying ' Good afternoon'. I didnot know why he didnot acknowledge my message but didnot respond to good afternoon too. we left the hotel after a day only to return after a month. ( in the meanwhile I started following him on instagram and he followed me back.)
This time, the exe.chef came to me directly during breakfast time and asked me if I wanted something special before my husband . When I later thanked him on whats app, this time he replied saying ' many thanks , Ria '
I felt very odd because he would always address me as madam . So calling me by first name sounded weird. When I told my husband, he brushed it off saying it could be a mistake.
Later when I tagged the chef and the hotel on instagram for the wonderful cake he got baked for me, he loved all my stories and asked me to send message on whats app. I was so confused and wondered why I should be sending a message to him at all. But I didnot send any message. The next day he asked me why I havent sent and that he was waiting. So for the sake of being polite i just sent a message saying ' good morning chef' to which he responded again by saying 'thank you Ria'. I felt really really odd. THIS TIME I DIDNOT TELL THIS TO MY HUSBAND.
Later, he asked me to call him once but I said no. I was too overwhelmed with all this, felt something was def. wrong. Why would a exe. chef of the hotel would want to talk to talk to his guest's wife????
So I didnot call him. But, I DIDNOT TELL THIS TO MY HUSBAND.
Now the chef continuously asked me to call him as that day was his day off. When I said I would chat but no call, he gave in and told me that he found me extremely fascinating and intriguing and he wants to be my friend. I didnot suspect anything then and said we can surely be friends. But as we started to chat that day, he slowly startd saying that he wanted to get 'close to me' and I should open up with him. I still thought he meant friendship and nothing else as I would not in my wildest of dreams believed that a guy in such senior most position at a super famous hotel could dare to ask sexual favours from a guest!!!!!!!!! Who would risk it?
He begged me to call me once and NOT CHAT. I didnot call. BUt after going to my city, I did call him and after a series of calls, he expressed his desire to sleep with me !!!!!!! we are finally moving to Delhi in December and we wont be staying in the hotel anymore. When I told him about this, he was very happy as I would be moving to the same city as his.
Till today, I dont understand why i didnot disconnect his call, didnot complain to the hotel superiors or even to my husband about this immediately. I did however told him that I really respected him admired him but I can never have sex with him. I can stay his friends forever. He said he wanted BOTH. friendship and sex. He didnot even want an affair. He said we could lead parallel lives without disturbing our families and have sex once a month !!!!
I was shocked and though I denied doing anything like that, Im extremely upset that a man whom I thought was a gentleman a respectable man, a man whose discipline and virtues I adored wanted just sex from me and not friendship. Im so heartbroken.
The things that happened n these 3 months is:
- He never called on his own, he called only when I requested
- he never initiated any whats app messages ( except on the first two days)
I started to beg him to be my friend and not a sexual partner
RIght now Im in such a pathetic state that Im begging him to call me , respond to my text messages. He does not respond to all my messages, very rarely acknowledges while but stopped calling me altogether saying he is busy.
Lat month on my birthday we were again at the hotel and he made sure that everyone in the hotel wished me, he too wished me with a broad smile on his face and spoke to my hubby as if nothing happned.
I again sent him a message asking him if we are friends and if yes whey we arent in touch. After much begging, he said that we were 'cool and same'.
He likes all my posts on Instagram, I do the same but he never calls/texts me. It has been the same since the day one though he said he was interested in my sexually.
HE is super busy, works for 14 hours daily .
Im extremely worried that I messed up everything, I really admired this man, I should have discouraged him right from the day one politely but I didnot know how to. I was so so so excited that a man whom I admired silently wanted to talk to me, be my friend. I could not say yes to his sexual advances he too never put pressure on me but the way he is behaving now as if nothing happened is killing me.
Is he a good man? Why and how did he take such a big risk by talking to his guests wife like this in the first place when i hardly spoke to him before? What made him do it? Why is he behaving like this now? Im now moving to his city soon and he knows it. I dont know what to do and how to continue friendship with him. Why is he not interested in my friendship when I made clear how much I admire him/his work?
Please help me , how do I deal with this situation? I really want his friendship and after so much of talking/chatting with him how could he suddenly and totally ignore me?
Will he ever talk tome?