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Ethical dilemmas

Family’s reaction to domestic abuse

2 replies

Cccccc1982 · 19/09/2022 00:04

Me and my sister have always been really close she’s super generous and really kind but tends to be quite controlling and can have neurotic/ scary episodes.

A few years ago I found myself in an abusive relationship my sister spotted this and suggested I move 3 hours away to her house but due to my child’s nursery and dad ( former partner ) I couldn’t relocate.
My sister spoke to me twice saying unless I left immediately she would call SS and saying I had to go and live there.

It was extremely difficult to leave and I left and returned several times over 6 months each time putting more distance between him and I. I also had gotten in touch with several charities and began a course and with that and the help of a very good freind I started to slowly come out of the other side.

During this time my sister promised to call me but was never available, she never came down to visit me, even though I was completely alone in a new town really suffering, it turns out she calls the NSPCC.

As a result My child’s dad filed for temporary custody and the court case to prove I had left cost me my life savings and I barely saw my child for a year.

In court the judge the court concluded that “ the mother had taken necessary steps to protect the child from any abuse “ and “ there where no signs the child had been affected “.

my sister claims that I attract abusive men even though I’ve never met one before or since. She says she warned me she was report me unless I relocated. She wasn’t part of any recovery or support only threats she was also desperate for a child at the time and couldn’t conceive.

i don’t know how to feel about her anymore or what to do. I’ve not heard from her since When I went on my domestic abuse course that trains you how to recognise abuse a lot of it was how she treated me for years

Appreciate any view points

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 19/09/2022 00:08

I don't really understand.
Are you saying you left as he was abusive, but then she reported you to nspcc for abusing the child and that's how the dad got custody?

CountessOfSponheim · 19/09/2022 00:43

I think the story is that child's father is X, subsequent abusive partner was Y, sister offered no actual support but told OP that unless she moved three hours away from both X and Y (which would mean separating child from child's father X and also disrupting childcare arrangements) then she would report her to the NSPCC for not putting enough distance between herself (and hence child) and Y.

Then sister followed through on that threat, X filed for full custody off the back of it and it took a year and OP's life savings to get back to a joint custody situation.

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