Cheating partner

[Rfy]

I hope I can get some advice here, I'm beating myself up that by opening the floodgates of this topic with my partner I'll be the reason my son will be part of a broken home.

When I told my partner I was unexpectedly pregnant in 2020 he became very withdrawn. Eventually he told me that 2 years prior he had cheated on me while on holiday- a holiday romance. At that time in the relationship we were not very stable, teetering on the edge of breaking up. So when he told me, I decided to forgive him- not just because of when it happened, but because I was unexpectedly pregnant and terrified of doing it alone.

A year on and in the full swing of parenthood I'm unable to forgive him. I can't give him the affection he needs, I wince when he kisses me or wants to cuddle and sex is absolutely not an option. I can see how much this hurts him and I've put my inability to give any of this to him down to the cheating. I often stay at my mum's when she is going to look after our lo when I'm working, and every time my partner asks if I'm staying there on days I'm not working, my head goes to "well, he must want me out the house for a fling". I've even come home and looked in the bins for evidence I've become so convinced.

None of this is healthy, I know that, but confessing the above to my partner will inevitably open a can of worms that will surely end with us co-parenting. I guess what I'm looking for with this thread is advice on how to navigate this best. Neither of us out happy for different reasons, but we love our family time and I want to keep that going. My son is honestly the happiest little chap and I can't bare to think that if we leave this too late when he can remember it that he'll lose this joy to a broken home.

It sounds like ur unable to trust him and also don't wanna let him go. You have to make a decision. If you wanna make it work, have you tried counselling, u need to tell him the reason for your avoidance and reluctance to be close to him. He's not daft, he will have noticed. You need to tackle this can of worms. Either make a decision to try and work things out and forgive him or accept that u can't forgive and separate, that's my opinion. Your child sounds young and happy co-parenting isn't worse than staying together. How long can u continue in this way? As ur son gets older he will probably notice that the 2 of u aren't close, plus this doesn't sound like fun for u. Do u wanna get over this and make it work? Or is your heart not in it any more?

You ask some good questions here. I certainly need to let him know why I am the way I am and how I'm feeling, because you're right, he's noticed and he's not daft. I think I'm scared of what it means to co-parent, the most important thing is my son's happiness and I don't want him growing up around parents who always argue, I'd much rather he have parents who get along well but don't live together. I thought about councilling before- some stuff happened earlier this year and I basically said I'm not putting up with that again, and we thought about it then. But I think I've given up now, as you say, my heart's not in it. I'm concerned financially as well, but I'm lucky I have my mum close by and a really good relationship with my in-laws.

Yiu should do counselling, but just for you, not couples counselling. It will help you to make a decision and move forward, whatever you decide to do. Don’t blame yourself, this isn’t your fault. Good luck!