I've already posted this on a couple of different topics but really just want as much opinions as possible so I'm sorry if you've already read this. I'm just looking for an outside perspective on my situation. Any and all replies are welcome even critical ones.
A good few years ago I had a brief relationship with a man who is not even from the same country as me, he was travelling here regularly for work. He got me pregnant and then disclosed that he's actually married with three kids and can't help me. I was in shock and very confused. He wanted me to have an abortion but I couldn't do it. He has met our daughter once when she was just a couple of months old and since then we've had no contact. He doesn't help in any way financially either and afaik nobody on his side of the family know about my daughter's existence. I've never asked him for anything and have no desire to ruin his family.
Fast forward a bit and I met a great guy who also has a daughter from a previous relationship and now we're married. He is so good to me and my daughter and treats her like his own. The problem is I've told him limited information about her father and his circumstances. I've only told him that it was a brief relationship, he's not in the picture and neither is his side of the family and he lives in another country. The reason for not disclosing the full story is because in the beginning I didn't want to give too much info in case things didn't work out and it's a rather personal thing between my and my daughter. As I got to know him better I came to learn he has a habit of over sharing with his mother and he has a large extended family who treat their lives like a soap opera and constantly gossip and tell eachother things. He shares things with her innocently thinking she won't tell anyone but you know how these things are - "guess what I heard but you can't tell anyone" kind of thing and before you know it everyone knows. It's the only thing about him that bothers me, everything else in our marriage is going great. I really don't want my daughter finding this out before I tell her. I don't want her knowing she has other siblings until the time is right and she's old enough to process the information.
But I feel like I'm lying to my husband, I feel guilt for keeping this secret from him. I fear for the future when I eventually have to tell him. I fear he'll feel betrayed. Am I doing the right thing in lying by omission to protect my daughter or should I come clean?
Ethical dilemmas
Am I doing the right thing?
Jinxed1993 · 05/05/2022 15:29
MrsGluck · 05/05/2022 16:36
You don't even need to tell your dd any more than you have told your husband.
I'm not sure I 100% agree with that, because it is information about herself. The issue is a bit different. If dd ever asks about her biological father, I would answer truthfully.
MrsGluck · 05/05/2022 16:36
You don't even need to tell your dd any more than you have told your husband.
I'm not sure I 100% agree with that, because it is information about herself. The issue is a bit different. If dd ever asks about her biological father, I would answer truthfully.
MrsGluck · 05/05/2022 16:30
I don't understand what the secret is either.
I haven't told my DP everything about my past relationships. Yes, some of it is stuff I am ashamed of or now think were mistakes. But mostly because it's not important anymore.
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