Worried I may have been casually racist

[Hepburn76]

Hello,
I would really appreciate honest answers here. I am guessing if I have to ask the question above then I probably have! And I am feeling truly appalled.
A bit of background - my DS was recently in a professional pantomime. He was one of four boys, two were black and two white. I was chatting to some friends today, one of whom was black, and they had been to see the show. They didn't go the night that my DS was on and I asked them who they had seen instead. They said they didn't know and so I said 'were they white?' because I was trying to distinguish who they had seen.
I can totally appreciate how this would seem racist. But I would like to present my case here and then I am very happy to be told I have got it so wrong as I am totally open to being educated! To me, I was so proud that the show was so culturally diverse. I know that shows have a history of discriminating and having a predominantly white cast. This show had done colour blind casting and the entire cast was very diverse. Which I was so proud of. I did of course notice that some members of the cast were black and some white. Just as I noticed the colour of their hair. But that was alongside me noticing their talent, who danced best etc.
It was a thoughtless way for to distinguish between them I appreciate. And I feel appalled if I caused any offense. The moment brushed past quite quickly. And I realised what I had said after I had said it.

Can I ask if people would be offended by this? To me, I see being black as something to be proud of, so in that respect I didnt see it as an offensive way to distinguish between people as you couldnt easily do it another way. They were all roughly the same age. Wore the same costume. If they had all been white I would probably have said what colour hair have they got.
Anyway I feel awful. I have family on both sides who are black and Asian. I abhor racism, have called out racism and now feel I have been racist myself. Please could people be honest and let me know if I have been offensive and if I have the best way to go about setting things right. Thank you.

@FinnulaFloss

Yet, if there was a group of three dark haired white kids, you’d somehow find a way to distinguish them. There’s be other descriptors and ‘differentiating factors’ than race available to you and you’d make yourself understood. Without ‘tying yourself up in knots’.Funny that

For three kids of the same race, of course you'd have to pick something else to point one of them out.

But the most obvious visual difference is often race. 'Colour blindness' is made up woke bullshit. No one is going to meet someone at dinner then the next day be unable to recall if they were white or black. You notice. Which is fine.

I'm not going to faff about trying to get someone to assess people's height or hair colour from a distance for no reason. If there's one black kid in a group of white kids I'm going to say 'oh you need Sam - over there, the black boy'. Or again, hypothetically if there was one white kid with 2 Asian kids I'd say 'Oh that's Steve - over there, the white kid'.

It instantly identifies them from the group - why wouldn't you just say this?

Black people do not look the same as white people. Asian people do not look the same as black people. Why try and ignore the bleeding obvious?

Colour blindness isn’t woke. It’s actually just more racist twonk. However, nobody is asking you to be colour blind.

If you had to distinguish three white kids, you’d manage with ease. You, no doubt, manage to successfully distinguish between white people every day. Make one of them Black and suddenly it’s ‘faffing about’ and ‘tying yourself up in knots’ (your exact words) to come up with anything other than race as an identifier.

Why?

Ah, thank you for all the posts. I have read them all and taken on board what you have said.
To explain a couple of things - I'm sorry if I caused offence by saying 'colour blind casting'. To be honest I only said this as this is actually what it is called within the entertainment business. As in it is written on casting briefs and is also used by my black actor friends.

I appreciate the comments regarding me saying I was proud and can see how clumsy that might look. Again, to explain, having worked within the acting world I know how predominantly white many casts have historically been. That chances for people of colour have been much slimmer than those of white. Pride was perhaps the wrong choice of word but I was trying to express the fact that I was pleased that this show was doing something, albeit in a small way, to try and readdress the balance. I have a family member who is an Asian actor. I know this is something they have long struggled with so it is close to my heart. So apologies if it seemed in any way patronising as that was not my intention.
I am now going to shut up. I do appreciate your comments though. Thank you for responding.

You still haven’t explained how or why you ‘see being black as something to be proud of’.

Again, is being any race something to be proud of (in which case, why mention it)? Do you think being white is ‘something to be proud of’? Or just being Black, specifically?

You're getting a hard time here, OP, which is a shame because you are falling over yourself to not be seen as racist. Your intentions are good, which is the important bit that some posters are intentionally ignoring. Describing someone by the colour of their skin is not racist.

Yes, Im sorry I forgot to refer to that. I think in trying to explain what I meant I am going to tie myself up in knots and become rambling again. In truth, when I wrote the post I was upset with myself and worried I might have unintentionally hurt someone and so I think I didn't properly think through what I was writing.
All I can say was that it was a stupid thing to say and I'm sorry.

I see.