2 years ago my son's grandad made false allegations about me to the preschool and social services. Both the PS and SS found the allegations to be baseless and put them into the malicious category.
The allegations were around physical abuse and neglect (alleged I fed son rubbish and had him looking "scruffy"). All of was complete bullsh**.
His grandad was motivated by a resentment of me, blames me for his toxic alcohol, drinking-driving, homophobic and racist wife cheating on him and eventually divorcing him. Claims that my choice of husband (son's father was foreign and from a totally different background to what she was comfortable with).
She hit the bottle as a result of her own son being gay, everything always had to be about her.
At the time of the allegations and being told by PS and SS that they are satisfied they are just malicious (I told them the full back story about son's grandad and his long-standing resentment of me and my choices, as well as any successes that I have in life such as buying my first house), I told him that I want absolutely NO relationship with him going forward.
Son loves his grandad and had always been close to him so, against professional advice and better judgement, I allowed this person to carry on seeing my son.
I've tried my best to keep up a front of normality for my son's sake (as he's too young know the truth about his grandad's behaviour.
I told the grandad I'd remain civil and polite for son's sake but that's all. No relationship wanted. The grandad seemed to accept that and has never tried to push me for any sort of relationship since then. Seems to suit us both.
Meanwhile, his ex wife (not the racist alcoholic one mentioned above) - son's grandma continues to chip away at me every time the subject comes up... Like trying to "minimise" and "sweep under the carpet" what he did. She says things like "well I was married to him for 20 years, I know exactly how nasty he can be..." or "your son love him.." (implying that just because son loves him, then I should be expected to do the same). She talkes sometimes like son and I are both the same person, that we can't have "different" sets of thoughts/feelings about a person.
Last year on my birthday, I was having a small gathering at home for my birthday tea and she badgered me all day with things like "your son will be soo upset if you don't invite his grandad..."
For context, the grandparents I'm talking about are my parents (rather than in laws). My son's father or his side of the family are no longer around (all live abroad and I left husband due to domestic abuse).
A couple of days before making the allegations, son's grandad let himsel into my house (I've since got the key back off him), screaming in my face (thankfully windows were open, witnesses overheard everything) about how I'm not fit to be a parent, how he's gonna get custody (bullsh**, no court in the land would entertain him) and how he's gonna report me.
This was on the strength of a phone call earlier than day from my mum, from which he claimed to be have told that I "dragged son to floor and battered him". For clarity, what his grandma witnessed was son getting a smack on the bum after kicking me in stomach. Grandma witnessed exactly this, nothing else. Considering that she allegedly saw her 4 year old being "dragged to the floor and battered", she was on a phone call to her friend and made absolutely NO attempt to "intervene" or "stop" the alleged "battering"... That's because it simply didn't happen.
My mum was married to son's grandad a long time and put up with his mental and verbal abuse for 2 decades.. Left him when my sibling and I were almost adults. Needed to leave sooner in my opinion.
Not sure if her time living with his behaviour (being ground down and belitted all the time, my sibling and I remember it from being kids) somehow made her de-sensitised to how his behaves..
Regarding the allegations and possibly grave consequences that COULD have happened she just says things like "well, that's what he's like..", "he's just pig-headed" or "he always needed to have the last word...". My sibling and their partner (incidently a police officer who sees REAL cases of REAL child abuse/neglect) have supported me through all this, as have all my friends, colleagues, GP and counsellors.
I've had 2 rounds of counselling (arranged through work) but my mum continues trying to minimise what happened, like sibling and I have "blown it all out of proportion" and that son's grandad has just clumsily "trying to help me.." (single mum on my own, struggling with exhaustion sometimes, son being a handful).
Counsellor suggested that perhaps mum acts this way (constantly mithering me about son's grandad) either because she feels "guilty" about being the catalyst (she denies this), or because perhaps she hasn't "moved on" or dealt sufficiently with her own mental scars from being married to him for so long.. Like maybe she finds it "easier" to "normalise" and make excuses for his diabolical behavior than take a step back and challenge it.
For context, she is the ONLY person who didn't express any sort of outrage, discust etc about the allegations. She's been very blase about it... "oh well.... that's just him" or "I know what he's like".
My mum was feeling sorry for son's grandad being "alone" at Christmas, like my sibling and I were somehow to blame for this.
It is unreasonable of me to expect my mum to simply respect my feelings and position on this matter?