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Ethical dilemmas

Wills - WWYD

2 replies

MistySkiesAfterRain · 14/12/2021 12:36

DB has long standing mental health issue and my parents have written in their wills that it all goes to me, but asked that I split with DB.

He's recently got more stable but I have realised has a weed smoking habit. Yes yes I know it is just weed but it changes his persona. He becomes less communicative, more selfish and base and devious. It is noticeable and frequent.

He has said very clearly that he isn't going to stop. I therefore have no choice really but to stop helping him financially. I mean it cannot be right that I am working and he is smoking his money while running out of money and asking me for some. As sweet and placid as he comes across this is bad behaviour.

The issue is that it goes against my principles to give him money unless I am legally bound to by my parents will.

Do I tell them and ask them to sort out a system so it is legally binding? I don't think they wanted to do this as there are costs and deductions involved. As mentioned though it goes against my principles to give money to someone using drugs.

The absolute bottom line is that I don't want to be the person who gave money to him.

The only way I can think of to get my parents to change it is to let them know that I will not give him a single penny unless they change it. The risk is that they write me out of it but I'd rather stick to principles.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 14/12/2021 12:38

I wouldn't be happy with that either. In fact I wouldn't want the responsibility full stop.

Is there a reason they haven't set up a Trust of some sort for hisbpart of their inheritance?

MistySkiesAfterRain · 14/12/2021 12:55

Oh good I am glad it's not just me being unreasonable. I'm not really sure - they are divorced, so separate wills. On one side I know they were going to do the Trust, I'm not sure why they didn't. Possibly fees or something to do with my parent having a partner, who was concerned about not having anywhere to live if predeceased, so it now says it all goes to the partner and then when they die it a goes to me (to be clear I would never make the partner homeless and I would want them to have similar quality of life but I understand the concerns). Maybe it was too complicated to include the Trust as well. I will need to ask that parent.

I actually don't know 100% what the other will says so will check that.

Its so awkward bringing it up as I don't want to seem grabby, it's not that at all. I am not interested in the money, and have lived my life on the basis of that being a bonus, I'd equally be happy if they spent everything and had a riot in old age. Don't get me wrong I'd be slightly disappointed if there was nothing, as I think of my parents who bought new sofas when grandparents passed, which is a nice tangible thing to enjoy every day, or wouldn't it be nice to use some funds to travel to some places they lived when they were young overseas. But I'll have plenty of positive memories if not and more to come. Sorry, long unneccessary explication!

Its more that I dont want to open myself up to manipulation and pressure from DB.

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