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Ethical dilemmas

Do I even Exist!!!

10 replies

Rincewind1213 · 11/12/2021 16:00

So my mother had me in her late teens. She was a single Mum and never mentioned my biological fathers name in my birth certificate. I never met him. My surname was her maiden name. She moved me to another country (let’s say Spain) when I was 3. She remarried out there and duly started started putting his surname on anything that needed my details. She moved back to England when I was 7. When I came back I came back under my stepfathers name and have lived under said name until I married in my 20’s. She never however legally changed my name to my stepfathers. I received my national insurance number at 16 and the govt has assumed that this is my official name. I was taking to someone recently who suggested that maybe I left the country one person and that the government may think someone entirely different has come back. She never changed my name legally. Is there something iffy about that or is it totally fine. I ask because recently I have been asked to show proof of name change and my mother said “there is none.” Does that make my “maiden name” on my passport and on my marriage certificate incorrect. Help!!

OP posts:
SolasAnla · 11/12/2021 16:06

What is the proof for?

Your mother would have had to fill in some document to get you a passport at 3 to pass border control. If she changed your name at 7 the new passport application should have had supporting documentation?

SolasAnla · 11/12/2021 16:08

If she came back and registered you in school could that plus her marriage cert be sufficient proof of a change by common usage?

Rincewind1213 · 11/12/2021 18:40

@SolasAnla no back it was back in the 80’s, I was on “her” passport going out on her Maidenname. Not sure how I came back though? 😬

OP posts:
Rincewind1213 · 11/12/2021 18:42

How do I prove I was registered at the school? Do I need her marriage certificate as well? It’s complex as she finds all that sort of stuff quite intimate.

OP posts:
ArnoldBee · 11/12/2021 18:51

Don't panic. Things were a lot more fluid in those days. There's a lot of pressure and fines on employers these days if you haven't got the right to work. My friend who was adopted had this issue as the employer didn't understand the rules and demanded to know what he had been up to for the first 6 weeks of his life. It would be interesting to know if your mother claimed family allowance/child benefit before you went abroad as there may be a record of your name change. Your nino is generated from the claim to child benefit.

SolasAnla · 11/12/2021 18:53

If you were on her passport that a record of you via a birth cert and her application.
You said you have / has a current passport with your mother's married name so the passport office has to have had some thing on file moving you off her passport on to one in your name.
Contact them directly if you need proof or copies.

The school would be whatever the school has on file for you.

Disfordarkchocolate · 11/12/2021 18:55

In England you don't need to officially change your name, you can just start using a new one. As long as you're not attempting to defraud anyone it's all fine.

TreborBore · 11/12/2021 19:03

It may simplify your life if you have a statutory declaration drawn up by a solicitor. I couldn’t get my first passport without one as a teen because my name did not match the one on my birth certificate. Occasionally there are situations where I have to show it, can’t remember what exactly - maybe it was when I applied for an enhanced DBS for work.

Mumsgirls · 15/03/2022 21:07

You have to do a deed now as my daughter did it, but years ago it was also just accepted as usage, so you should be ok.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/05/2022 09:55

You've got a UK Passport. So there isn't a problem legally with this.

I only found out I had been registered under another name when applying for my first - it may have been why I never got anywhere with Civil Service job applications, as I'd always said No on forms, so would have immediately failed checks, but these days, I just put both down on security forms and there's been no issue since.

Your NHS will match your birth certificate (the number on the top right of the certificate) - that'll prove to you that she wasn't doing anything shady.

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