Need a little advice

[Octavia40]

Hi everyone, I’m in this situation and I really need an outside view. I live around 5 minutes from my mums home. She has been ignoring me for four weeks now and this isn’t new as she does this as a form of punishment. She has always used silence as punishment since I was a child. I have messaged her which she has chosen to ignore. Do I make the effort again or do I just get on with my own life?
A little background information. I think my mum suffers from ill mental health possibly narcissistic tendencies. My mum is very aggressive and was abusive and violence towards me grieving up. I don’t think there is anything she hasn’t done really. She allowed her boyfriend to abuse me and when I told her when I was a teen she called me names snd told me I wanted it. I can’t say she has been supportive and definitely not loving or caring. I have two sisters who she treats different and my mum has her favourite. My mum is so close and my family will do things together and I am never included which I have grown to just accept and I feel now that I would only feel uncomfortable being around them all after all these years not being included. I choose to put the past behind me and my mum has said she doesn’t remember any of the things I have confronted her with so I have chosen to accept that she clearly is ill to have behaved as in such an evil way growing up and now.
I let her see my teen son and would step in if she wasn’t nice to him but she plays the game and is always nice to him. What should I do? Do I just accept she is being horrible once again and if she wants to contact me she knows where I am or do I try and make more effort. Her birthday is in September I planned to send her a text and send her gift down with my sister. I need a little Guildence.
Thank you all in advance.

[BoffinMum]

This sounded like the normal narcissistic mum problem until I read the part about her boyfriend abusing you. WTAF? And you are still buying this woman presents?! I’d move away tbh. This is about as toxic as it gets.

[GoodnightGrandma]

On top of everything she’s done she allowed her boyfriend to abuse you, and you allow your son to see her, and you are still in contact with her ?
I’d keep your son and yourself well away from her.

[Hoppinggreen]

I think you should be relieved she’s ignoring you. She can only use silence as a weapon if you let her.
Why is she in your life at all ? (Please don’t say it’s because she’s your mum - so what?)

[BannnnaSplit]

Oh my goodness.. I do feel for you, and to a certain extent can empathise with your situation.
From my experience I’ve learned that I’ve had to come to terms that it’s not my fault, and I can’t choose my family. But you CAN CHOOSE how you allow them to treat you.
I think you need to take a step back sweetheart- you’ve shown your mum that you are wanting a relationship with her… but she’s manipulative and controlling by giving you the silent treatment.
She knows from the past that this causes you upset and you try harder get her affection and acceptance.
It’s very sad that mum is mentally ill… but you bend to step back and allow her the chance to come to you instead.
If you have gifts for her birthday then your sister can pass them to her perhaps?
Find some time to heal and be grounded.stop trying to fix it . Just let her know you’re there if she wants to be with you, and if not , live your life within the worry
Have you considered counselling? I feel you have so much to work through that’s very sensitive and needs closure.
I hope you eventually find some solace xx