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Ethical dilemmas

My "Dad"

2 replies

isobel79 · 24/03/2021 21:10

My mom has NEVER confirmed to me who my biological dad is. Tbh, it hasn't really bothered me but recently I have had quite a few dreams about him.

When I say "him", I think I know who he is. Well someone told me 20 years ago who it is BUT that wasn't my mom.

The only reason I was told was because my "Dad"s son was tragically killed in a car accident. The person queried why I didn't have much interest in attending the home etc. And I said well I didn't think it was required of me because although I knew him, I wasn't really that close to him. That's when the bombshell was dropped that he was my half brother. The person couldn't believe that my mom hadn't told me. I remember my reaction to this day which was "how the heck did that happen"!!!!

Im now a parent and I would never stop my child from seeing their father. What hurts the most is that my mom wouldn't even think to ask me if I would like to know who my father is.

So now lately I'm having these dreams. In my waking, I think of all the scenarios of getting in contact with him privately without his wife and kids knowing and just saying to him that I am possibly his daughter.

It's tricky though. This man is so closely tied to my family. Put it this way, his wife is my first cousins auntie. And so on and so on.

I just think to myself what if I never get the opportunity to speak to him on this level. He is I think, in his 70s now.

I wouldn't even tell my mom.

I just feel like these dreams are telling me something.

The person who told me that he's my father...... maybe I need to find out how she knows. Its so sad.

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 24/03/2021 21:19

I have a friend who was in a similar position.

After her mum died she got in touch.

I think trying to find out more from the person who told you is a good idea. What if it's random gossip? Although you have other reasons for thinking it's true.

The fact he's so close complicates matters.

Do you think he knows?

If you decide to go ahead then you'll need to think how to approach him and be prepared for denial/ rejection.

LoveIsAllThereIs · 24/03/2021 21:23

I would ask my Mum if it was me. Sounds like the elephant in the room that maybe weighs on her too. You have a right to know, and she deserves the first opportuniy to be straight with you before you look elsewhere for answers

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