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Ethical dilemmas

To have or not to have surrogate children

27 replies

BNEQLD · 02/02/2021 08:12

Hi everyone, G’day from Australia. New to mumsnet, and first thread. Please go easy on me Grin

I’ll try to be brief and to the point. I’m 28, male, and in a SS relationship. My DP and I have been together for 3 years and still going strong. My DF and DM are early sixties and late fifties, and my only sibling DSis is 30, recently divorced.

The idea of fatherhood (parenthood in general) has been cropping up more frequently these days, and I realise that with my sister newly single and given a transfer to Tasmania, she’s 100% career focused (and rightly so). That means children from her side are likely 10 years away at best.

As surrogacy is illegal here in Queensland, my DP and I have limited options if we want to have kids of our own. We’ve talked about it briefly once or twice, but it will be some time before the subject will be taken seriously, and plans made.

As my parents have only two children, I get the feeling that my parents would like to see grandchildren in the near future. DF is 63 and DM is 58, so obviously not getting any younger. No hint in the slightest has been dropped of wanting grandchildren just yet.

My dilemma is; Do DP and I go through the rigmarole of adoption or foster parenting? Do we risk having a surrogate anyway, and take what comes? At this time I feel it would be more for my parents benefit that my own, but that may change in the future. Also bringing a child up in today’s world is no easy task, and I don’t think I’m ready yet.

I feel like I need a mothers perspective on this.

OP posts:
FunTimes2020 · 12/06/2021 10:57

You are men. Don't have a child.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 12/06/2021 11:05

I am absolutely 100% against surrogacy for the reasons stated by other posters but aside from that, you really don’t sound like you actually want a child.

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