Gently letting down a guy only after one thing

[itchaftershaving]

Hiya

Not sure if this the right place to ask but I'm desperate for advice.

I've been single for quite a while and by quite a while I mean about 10years and I'm 32 yo. I have struggled with my mental health since my last relationship that left me feeling unworthy of men and generally have trouble believing anyone genuinely finds me attractive. I have tried online dating several times but not had a date yet as most of the guys I've matched with tend to only be after sex.

I have this guy I started talking to in December and we met once but it wasn't a date, it was a verification meet up (he came by my work) to make sure we both weren't weirdos or something. We chatted afterwards and we were both still keen to meet up again but he kept steering our chats towards sex and I wanted a bit more than just that and he said he wasn't ready and I decided to ghost him but he kept texting me saying he really needed to 'have' me.

I'm very soft spoken and I don't know how to tell him that if he is after sex and nothing else then I'm not his girl. Have I been out of the dating game so long that I don't know what's expected. I feel in my heart that I don't want to just have a potentiality one night stand and would like to tell him that and see if he will at least make the effort to take me out on a date.

Please help me relay this to him in a non offensive way

...he kept texting me saying he really needed to 'have' me.

What a pig. The last thing I would worry about is not being offensive. Text him, tell him not to contact you again, and then block him everywhere.

If someone is badgering you for sex you can be as offensive as you want.

Honestly I wouldn't even dignify him with a response, just block him on all platforms.

He's a creep. Don't bother telling him anything, just block his number and move on.

Block him.

Your politeness makes him think you are a victim.

Why on earth are you worrying for one second about HIS feelings when he clearly doesn’t give a fig about yours!

Block him.

Thank you for all your replies, I'm so relieved that you all agree that he is a pig and I should block him. He is now blocked!

Don't be polite. Or gentle. He hasn't been either. He "really needs to have you"? Seriously ?! (Is he twelve?)

Send him one message: "We are looking for different things. I'm not interested in continuing this. Goodbye."

Then block him on everything.

crosspost (I did refresh the page, honest...)

Oh wow! I wouldn't even bother with polite!! He'd get a straight up 'fuck off' from me I'm afraid 🤷‍♀️

This just shows how much women have been socialised to care about (men’s) feelings when there is absolutely no reason to do so

Block him. You owe him nothing. If he turns up at your work again, hopefully there will be witnesses and you can tell him to leave.

I think given your inexperience in dealing with these horrid but predictable men, the fact you thought you owed this guy a polite explanation and the need to seek advice to just tell him you're not compatible, you should stick to old fashioned 'real world' meetings with potential dates. Like men at work, hobbies, random encounters and then just see if you click with someone.

I'm so relieved that you all agree that he is a pig and I should block him. He is now blocked!

OP, in the nicest possible way, why did you need a bunch of strangers on the internet to tell you that the very last thing you should be concerned about with a stranger badgering you for sex is being 'inoffensive' or polite?

wow I think I'd have just said something like you said - "If you're just looking for sex then I'm not the one for you, have a nice life" etc
then block and ignore