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Ethical dilemmas

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Someone purposely smoking around me when pregnant

8 replies

Eset27475743729294848262 · 10/07/2020 09:20

Here goes -

I'm over halfway pregnant and I've been staying at a respite suite (aka crisis bed) for about a week now and will be staying for another week. I'm 22, and had a blip with my anxiety. I got pretty bad, so mental health services got me a room here to stay so I can recover mentally and recuperate. I actually used to live here a few years ago; it's a building on a fairly busy street in my town, providing two respite rooms and a bunch of small flats for people to receive round the clock rehab service, not for drugs and alcohol but for learning proper life skills, preparing for a job, etc. People's tenancies here usually last a year and a half.

Only thing is, pretty much everyone smokes, both residents and staff. Which I can understand. I smoked for 7 years and only stopped when I got pregnant.

There's two doors where people smoke; kitchen near the alley and back door to the yard. The room I was given was right next to the back door, so even when most people who smoked in the yard sitting on benches, smoke would get into the hallway and get into my room.

I asked the staff politely if they could ask people to close doors behind them, which they did. And most people did shut the door behind them, except one person.

His smoke kept getting into my room; so I assumed he didn't get the memo, so staff let me write on paper in big letters in marker: "please shut door behind you when smoking, pregnant person in next room, thank you"

And I stuck it to the back door. You couldn't miss it. Majority of people were respectful and shut the back door behind them, but still, I could still smell the strong stink of smoke in my room and in the hallway.

When I smelled the smoke, I looked out of the window and saw this bloke stood practically in the doorway smoking, instead of sitting on the benches like he normally does. It smelled really strong. He 100% saw the note on the door and it seemed like he was doing it on purpose, especially after he had been told by staff to close the door.

By this point my asthma was worse, and I hadn't had problems with it in months.

I got really upset. For the rest of the day I smelled smoke stronger than ever. Since I lived here before and had issues with residents being disrespectful in the past, the staff often don't tell them to sort it out.

I eventually asked to be moved to the other room further away from the back door because smoke is still getting in. I didn't mention this particular person, as I already felt like a proper Karen putting a sign on the door. So thankfully they moved me.

I'm the only girl here by the way, all the other residents are male. They're all very nice to me except this one man. He's made me uncomfortable a few times regardless of purposely smoking as close as he can to me.

Thankfully baby is fine, she is kicking away, plus me and my boyfriend have really good physical genetics.

I know he's not stupid; he lives in the flat above my new room and plays extremely loud electric guitar all day so I'm sure he can read. Plus, this place is not for extremely vulnerable people, like I said, it's just for those who need extra support integrating back into the community.

It still stinks of his smoke in the hallway of my new room, and occasionally I smell it in here too, but thankfully it's not as bad.

So basically this man makes every day here difficult, directly and indirectly and I can't do anything about it. Part of me feels bad for asking him to shut the door in the first place, as he lives here now, I'm just visiting.

I just needed to get that off my chest really.. I still feel angry and disrespected.

OP posts:
DawnMumsnet · 11/07/2020 14:26

Hi @Eset27475743729294848262, we're just giving this thread a bump to get it back into Active Conversations. Hopefully some Mumsnetters will be along shortly.

If you'd like us to move your thread over to our Pregnancy topic (which might be a little busier), just hit the report button and we'll do that for you.

crankysaurus · 11/07/2020 14:30

Do you know how long you're likely to be living there? Would something like noise cancelling headphones help a bit till you're on your feet and back home,?

2155User · 11/07/2020 15:02

felt like a proper Karen

You lost all my sympathy and understanding at this point.

Eset27475743729294848262 · 16/07/2020 21:07

You must be a Karen lol

OP posts:
LochJessMonster · 16/07/2020 21:13

If your asthma is that bad from second hand smoke how did you smoke for 7 years?

You’ve been moved now so surely problem solved?
You weren’t unreasonable to ask people to close the door and you weren’t unreasonable to ask to move room.

KaptainKaveman · 16/08/2020 17:08

@Eset27475743729294848262

You must be a Karen lol
What a nasty comment. Don't expect to be helped when you make snide remarks like that
picklemewalnuts · 16/08/2020 17:13

To be fair, jumping on OP for a common,y used term- although Agree its shouldn't be, but it is, is pretty unpleasant as well.

Op Karen is a problematic insult. When you have headspace, check it out. It has more connotations than you may be aware of, and good reason for being disliked.

Back to you- some people are nasty, and you can't win them all. You've done the best you can, try not to fret about it too much.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 16/08/2020 17:15

Bloody hell op, you are going the wrong way about getting any advice here.

plus me and my boyfriend have really good physical genetics. is at best daft, and at worst, offensive. Best do some reading on genetics (and why the term 'Karen' shouldn't be used).

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