Definition of lying

[living242]

Hi
I'm interested in what you all define as lying in a relationship.

Would you consider the following as lies:

Not saying something
Not answering
Stuttering
Taking a long time to answer
Misquoting another person

Anything else?

Thanks

if you have to ask these questions then you don't have a relationship.

in a relationship you need to be able to trust that the other person has your best interests at heart as you have theirs, and the only secrets are because of future surprises and the only things that go unsaid are unsaid out of consideration and love (eg not describing in detail what their snoring actually sounds like.

your OP reads like someone trying to score points to prove the other person is more at fault for the breakup. life is usually too short to play that game.

This is about poor trust & poor communication, not lying imho.

A lie has to be intentional mistruth or deception, imho. Misquoting someone for purposes of deception, rather than not remembering the precise words or caring about them.

None of the actions you listed are necessarily lies. Lying is deliberately not telling the truth, usually so the lier derives some benefit.

Only the last one might actually constitute lying. Doesn't mean the others can't be annoying though!

My husband of 20 years says all of the above about me. I have limited confidence and feel quite down, and can't get my words out at times. When we argue he puts pressure on me to answer and becomes frustrated and angry. In extreme situations I have a complete blank and cannot remember what I was going to say or even what the argument was about. Again, he doesn't believe me and tells me I am lying and the blank moments are convenient.

Thanks for your responses

@living242

I think you and your H need to reach an agreement that you will not have heated arguments. If you have an agreement to quietly discuss disagreements without anger, you are more likely not to be accused of the above comments.

If your H cannot agree to discuss things calmly then I would walk away until he calms down. It's not unusual to be lost for words when you feel under attack.

He sounds like a bullying prick. I suspect your confidence would improve dramatically if he wasn't part of your life.